Status Updates - Let Everyone Know How You Feel - NewbieNudes

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Laphroaigh's Recent Statuses
Sun, 15-Oct-23 11:14 AM (164 days ago)
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today it's been two months since I stopped.. so far no effort.. should I be worried?? ..NN's helping a lot smile
anyway, thx everyone for moral support! u rock! wink
(164 days ago)
Keep it up Laph...
(164 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Congratulations sexy,it's been almost 7 years for me and still don't get the urge, and others smoking around me doesn't bother me at all....smile
(164 days ago)
Laphroaigh and bigabner like this
what a relief to hear that smile
(164 days ago)
AdeleGingerRaine likes this
Well done Mr.Malt, keep it up! And you won't smell like an ashtray : )
(164 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Mon, 9-Oct-23 5:30 PM (170 days ago)
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a special thanks to Kat for her anti-flu potion recipe! gave me a giant boost and relief and energy. I went to work too much aroused tho laugh
NaughtyKat likes this
ingredients: + lemon + honey + fire + water + pot + spoon + infuser + 10 minutes
(170 days ago)
NaughtyKat likes this
Glad to hear it worked! And well done for managing to use the ginger too.
(170 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
You prolly should specify the remedy isn't a potion to get aroused! 🤣
(170 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 3-Oct-23 5:55 PM (176 days ago)
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What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
Oh good because I've just started knitting for the mafia. They call me scarf ace.
(176 days ago)
captain__82 and Laphroaigh like this
I cooked for the mob on Sunday, they wanted broken leg of lamb
(176 days ago)
Laph is right NK. Kenny G..Louis G (Luigi). I didn’t make it up. Was just saying Laph could have gone with a worse joke.
(176 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
I did. Spaghetti breaking, seen worse. Using fork & knife, cutting them ghetti... yep they eat them that way.
(176 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Thank Ksaint. It did go above my head and that's not cos I'm short.
(176 days ago)
Sun, 24-Sep-23 11:49 AM (185 days ago)
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I've just been diagnosed with a slight eardrum tear.. can you speak louder please sad
Must have been some concert, damn! Were you at Louder Than Life here? Hope it heals.
(185 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Starts learning sign language to communicate with Laph.
(185 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
would that not tear it more?? (not a doctor haha)
(185 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
in italian we have only 3 signs: 🤏🤌👌
(185 days ago)
ksaint likes this
I know those, so we are good.
(185 days ago)
Thu, 21-Sep-23 12:59 PM (188 days ago)
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🎶 … O stare nudi in mezzo a un campo A sentirsi addosso il vento, Io non chiedo più di tanto, Anche se muoio son contento 🎶
EmuLater likes this
Do it, I have. smile
(188 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Mon, 18-Sep-23 4:48 PM (191 days ago)
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NN should implement a "hug" button.. just saying.. smile
And the second...kick the Ass Button?
(190 days ago)
I don't need that either
(190 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
SEB kicks ass anyway...
(190 days ago)
now I understand... u just press "time to go back to work, laphodil" so can get rid of me and steal everything!! smart move -.-
(190 days ago)
SexyEnglishBabe and EmuLater like this
Time to get some lunch before that gets stolen!
(190 days ago)
Sat, 2-Sep-23 6:02 PM (207 days ago)
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I hate so much AI generated images .. especially those representing nudes!! so grateful NN exists! smile
Fri, 18-Aug-23 10:30 PM (222 days ago)
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if u consider unnatural/immoral a love different from ur canons of "normality", I say it's unnatural/immoral that u spend so much time thinking about how other ppl decide to have sex or fall in love!
I can't disagree, Laph. So, do tell. wink
(222 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 8-Aug-23 7:53 PM (232 days ago)
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still awkward when ppl who don't know me give a complete description of my personality from the zodiac sign.. and they don't get a single one laugh
Artistic likes this
wait no longer....you're a virgo, you love boobs, hugz, metal and beer!!"
(232 days ago)
Laphroaigh and MrsTrellis like this
Sorry, injured, not killed.
(232 days ago)
*jumps on arti and give her all the love she deserve! *_*
(232 days ago)
Artistic and smitten4u like this
love feels all hot n dizzy
(232 days ago)
Laphroaigh and smitten4u like this
Some, actually many traits of Virgos are totally me. It’s a bit odd. But don’t hug me. Unless we’re naked and you’re female. 😁
(231 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Wed, 2-Aug-23 5:04 PM (238 days ago)
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to await a pleasure, is itself a pleasure.. that's why I'm always late when I have a love date laugh
Treasure your leisure and measure the pleasure.
(238 days ago)
ZippyMilf likes this
forsure
(238 days ago)
Emu - fantastic alliteration!
(237 days ago)
EmuLater likes this
Fri, 7-Jul-23 9:11 PM (264 days ago)
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they say the doing is often more important than the outcome .. I agree! especially when you fail the outcome laugh free time to perve at last
hi sweet and sexy Adele! I missed your cookies tongue
(264 days ago)
Too hot for cookies,I only make cakes In my air fryer
(264 days ago)
yeah... and African anticyclone is coming. News said next week we will reach 50°C (122F) ..
(264 days ago)
Jersey__Girl likes this
a few more years and the ovens won't be needed anymore XD
(264 days ago)
Where will it be 50C?
(264 days ago)
Fri, 19-May-23 2:28 PM (313 days ago)
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under the sea... under the sea... -.-
TaleTellerDK93 and Artistic like this
my immaginary ship is not even nearby.. I'm far from the coast
(313 days ago)
oh sure.. like austria is near the sea.. i'm dumb laugh
(313 days ago)
captain__82 likes this
2000m above sea level in a land locked county. Life is cruel
(313 days ago)
so you have the excuse to come to Italy and enjoy the sea smile not now.. now we are in a terrible mess sad
(313 days ago)
Italy's climate seems so variable. North and South so different. So sad that you have been hit by this dreadful flood...
(313 days ago)
Thu, 27-Apr-23 8:21 PM (335 days ago)
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I wrote "hi" she answered "I'm a very direct girl, I don't like to beat the bush around and I love direct guys" ..apparently greetings are too much to bear nowadays huh
yeah.. or I could transform into a dildo.. 100% more practical laugh
(335 days ago)
smitten4u likes this
Lap, I've been trying to transform for years, let me know when you figure out how
(335 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
it would be an awesome superpower..
(335 days ago)
smitten4u likes this
Mr. Malt...that dildo you become could be shoved into somewhere you might not like...just saying...0-o
(335 days ago)
...... that's why I love status.. more brains work better than one. *archives the SuperDildo project
(335 days ago)
TopCat57 and ZippyMilf like this
Sun, 23-Apr-23 11:23 PM (339 days ago)
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if u went back in time to correct the biggest mistake of ur life.. u would transform into a completely different person. Love yourself and go on! also cause time travel is not possible laugh
Thu, 20-Apr-23 6:28 PM (342 days ago)
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I must say I'm grateful I don't belong to a species where the woman eats me after we have sex laugh
I would have to agree with the smitten, I would rather be the eater than the eatie
(342 days ago)
some like to be eaten first, some after bj
(342 days ago)
I might need to do a hunger strike lao lol I will be hungry after that
(342 days ago)
Laphroaigh and smitten4u like this
well.. actually I like bites.. tender bites tho smile
(341 days ago)
Praying Mantis Anyone?
(335 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Tue, 18-Apr-23 2:59 PM (344 days ago)
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..just found an "italian accent generator": el-lo I'm-a a nice italiano gooy, I'm-a single and look forrr a pasta (I wrote "woman" btw) laugh
don't get it.. how can you talk WITHOUT the hand thing? keeps your balance :laugh
(344 days ago)
I've been watching this post waiting for a comment about meatballs.......guess I'm getting impatient.....
(344 days ago)
Laphroaigh, TopCat57 and smitten4u like this
That's-a some spicy meat-a-ball! (Yeah, showing my age tongue )
(344 days ago)
If a my granda mother had a wheels, she a woulda been a bike! (One for the Brits matey)
(344 days ago)
Mr_Vein and Laphroaigh like this
we need a VG pronto Laph
(344 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Thu, 6-Apr-23 1:22 PM (356 days ago)
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sitting on the toilet while they're drilling directly above your head on the roof.. the noise so loud you're afraid the roof will collapse at any moment mellow
rhinostool and MissAshlee like this
they're drilling my intimacy laugh
(356 days ago)
Artistic and MissAshlee like this
That'd make ya shit!
(356 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
*sends Laph his hockey helmet just in case
(356 days ago)
Agent_K and Laphroaigh like this
That’ll be the fastest poop ever
(356 days ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
scared the sheet out of me O.o
(356 days ago)
smitten4u and ksaint like this
Wed, 5-Apr-23 6:45 PM (357 days ago)
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(matchbox 20 + maroon 5) * eve6 + (sum 41 - 9 inch nails) = blink 182.. hello pervs! laugh
But only if a 6 turned out to be 9.....
(357 days ago)
1983?...
(357 days ago)
LOVEXXXPORN likes this
Hhmmmm… I came up with OU812
(357 days ago)
smitten4u likes this
UB40, 43, ummmm bronze pasta shape number 56...0-o
(357 days ago)
smitten4u likes this
Hello sexy laphsmile
(357 days ago)
Sun, 2-Apr-23 7:52 PM (360 days ago)
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ate so much this weekend.. 2 days, 2 parties..I'm stuffed, would love a belly rub right now laugh
MissAshlee likes this
Fri, 31-Mar-23 10:28 PM (362 days ago)
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ok now tell me if you know a movie-couple more lovely than Pam and Jim (The Office).. yeah I'm watching it now for the first time. 4rd season, no spoiler
ksaint and GottaBeMe like this
Not a fan of the office, but it Pam is on my TV, it stays on til she goes 😍
(362 days ago)
her smile melt hearts *_* I'm loving the show, I'm a fan of silly jokes laugh
(362 days ago)
She's just sooooo pretty... 😍 I don't know what the US version is like, but the UK original was cringe TV, and I just find it difficult to watch.
(362 days ago)
Wed, 29-Mar-23 6:14 PM (364 days ago)
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no point in suing the airline company for losing your luggage .. you've already lost the case
She bought a load of new clothes and a new suitcase for the return home.
(364 days ago)
Laphroaigh and MissAshlee like this
it really happened? well glad it was returned! it happened to me 2 years ago too.. know the panic XD
(364 days ago)
They even lost her claim the first time she sent it.
(364 days ago)
It did to me, but luckily I got it back within a day both times. One was yesterday.
(364 days ago)
EmuLater likes this
Hope you're having lots of fun on your trip MissA
(364 days ago)
Mon, 27-Mar-23 10:32 AM (1 year ago)
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this is not a trap status for hijackers. I just want you to know that
EmuLater and Sensualmale36 like this
Keep looking
(1 year ago)
*opens the fridge
(1 year ago)
You don't have a fridge
(1 year ago)
thats why there was this horrible smell!
(1 year ago)
SexyEnglishBabe likes this
*Thinks about lunch...
(1 year ago)
Fri, 24-Mar-23 3:07 PM (1 year ago)
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can't describe how difficult is to place the prism to project the rainbow in a position I can reach with my penis laugh
sidders73, smitten4u and MissAshlee like this
yep
(1 year ago)
#thestruggleisreal!
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh and EmuLater like this
and the sun doesn't stand still for a second laugh
(1 year ago)
EmuLater and MissAshlee like this
Good luck!
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
well.. actually.. it's the earth moving -.- same mistake the church did centuries ago when they want to burn Galileo
(1 year ago)
EmuLater likes this
Thu, 23-Mar-23 2:44 PM (1 year ago)
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and for those wondering about it, If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can't have anal sex with yourself.. relativity says objects contract along the direction of motion
All I can picture is Sheldon zipping back n forth as the Flash!
(1 year ago)
If he had 2 trees he could run a zip wire between them.
(1 year ago)
smitten4u and Laphroaigh like this
Is this what was dog is trying to do some days??
(1 year ago)
smitten4u and Laphroaigh like this
Is it a sausage dog?
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
One of 'em is 50% sausage...but she's a girl. Positive that wouldn't work anyway...
(1 year ago)
EmuLater likes this
Tue, 14-Mar-23 4:29 PM (1 year ago)
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wow! my time machine is working! just jumped 3 month ahead and everything seems fine! how are you lovely naked people? grin
all well, thx! well.. in truth my first wish would be a long relaxing brak! grin easter is coming luckily
(1 year ago)
smitten4u likes this
Ahoy matey, gonna have ter throw ye Inna bring afte going AWOL matey.
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
'Sup Laph?
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Laph! xx You just out of jail?
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
Hi Laph!
(1 year ago)
Laphroaigh likes this
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