Have you ever had sex at the movies?

Bird

Tell me if you have ever has sex in the mountians...
Bird

Tell me about having sex in the car...
Bird

Hey Birdfans! Here is the next installment of the crazy crap that the NN world puts in my inbox. I hope you enjoy it.
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1)I love the shots of you outside. Do you ever shoot in public places?

Hubby prefers shooting in my pubic-places.

2)Do you ever have shots of you with animals?

I believe I have shown a few with a beaver.

3)How would a normal guy get a wife like you?
Do you really think for one second that Hubby is NORMAL???

4)I want to know more about you- what are you like to live with?

I am an awesome housemate, a great cook, gardener; I pay the bills on time, and I remember everyone in the houses birthday just not always on the EXACT DAY.

Living with the Bird is a crazy lifestyle: I am zany, I sleep like a pirate, cook like and octopus crossed with a swashbuckler, I have been known to randomly practice hog-calling to see if the dog is really part pig, I like rocks as a decoration, I do eat crackers in bed, and I often put bubble bath in the spa tub and have bubbles overflow onto the floor.
So your answer- it’s a crap-shoot and you just throw the dice and hope for a lucky number.

5)I dream of putting a collar and leash on you, having a birthday party with about 17 of my friends where we all ride you until morning.

So – you want a PONY for your birthday????

6)Has Michael Jackson ever seen you naked.

Only the heavens will know for sure.

7)Have you ever taken an oath of the Oath Keepers?

DUDE- this is a PORN SITE not a meeting of the NRA. The Bird has done her service to country and I have no partisanship either way. I took an oath when I took on service to my country that I still hold to this day I do not need an “oath I will not do” to stay true to country. Do not attempt to ride on my Independent Birdfeathers to push your agenda. We are here on NN o enjoy the pursuit of love, nakedness, and a little naughty fun.

What can I do to entice you to fly to France and have mad passionate sex with me?

Hmmmm- my little Bird wings do not go that far. Try starting with a luxury airfare offer and work it forward from there.

9)How do you like your steaks cooked?

By professionals. .. hey Freakshow- what the hell kind of questions is that?

10)How do you like your steaks cooked part 2- I mean do you like them rare or fully cooked? I think it tells a lot about a woman when she orders her meat well or rare. The more uncooked she takes it the more likely she will be good in bed… How do you order your steak?

This sounds like some Facebook quiz gone all sexual.

But you are accurate- I order mine “without a Mooo”- so yes I eat a rare cut and worry about illness only after I get sick -which so far has been never.
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Thanks for another great set of questions. Kisses Bird

Hello all our BIRDLOVER fans. Here is the next set of questions that YOU the readers send in to me- the Bird.

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1)Do you like long haul truckers??

I like your handle
10-4 good buddy

2)I have really big balls- do you think that is sexy?

Big and hairy in combo with sweaty can make me throw up a little in the back of my throat.

Do they hurt?

3)Your pictures are sooooo boring. Why do you even bother?

Well, as any zit faced teenager can tell you – BOREDOM KILLS- so it is best to look away- just look away… LOOK AWAY..

4)I have a craving to pour honey all over you and roll your tits in sweet almonds and eat you up!!!

I dunno -It’s a bit creepy and tempting.
Is that called an Almond Joy?

5)You have too many friends.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but MY NN friends will always DO ME! Don’t be a hater at least I am not on twitter.

6)I am going to come over there and give your husband a run for his money. I have a thick shtick to beef for you to ride.


Astonishing- you have beef I can ride while my husband is running??? Is that USDA?

7)Do you like bi-women?

Double the flavor- double the fun. what can you NOT LOVE about a bi-babe. She fits everywhere and on everything -Its twice as nice…

Are you as cool as you let on?
Its sick I know.
Its almost like I am the Obama of Newbie Nudes… YES WE CAN!

9)Bitches love to get thick black cock in the booty and I think you want my black cock in the booty.

Well- any girl who answers to “bitches” may want to exercise your services.

But those that answer to BIRD are not weighing heavily in your favor.

10) Will you could suck this cock till it squirted your mouth full of warm creamy white thick sticky man cum...mmmmmm

Wow- that gets all the girls to your door. Does your mom know your NOT watching Star Trek???
whew!
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That’s all for today!
Kisses
Bird

Well it is that time again, the day that we have compiled the TOP TEN questions that you here on NN send to BirdLover:

1)If your husband could sleep with any OTHER woman who would it be?

This is a no brainer (and we also have a DEAL), if Catherine Zeta Jones shows up and demands to see my husband he is just going to HAVE to get a free hall pass and try to get busy because he will only have 24 hours of freedom.

2)Have you ever had a man lick your bum?

Only when I am lucky.

3)Do you like men who wear high heels?

Only if they can dance.

4)If I were to offer you ONE CAR in exchange for a afternoon of lovemaking what would it be- AND what are the reasons you would pick that car.

Darling you know I am a car hound. First it MUST come with title, insurance and a gas card. So this is an easy pick but not the only car I would take. A 1971 DeTamaso Pantera, color red with a 351 cleveland V8. The best thing about that car is that it accelerates like a scalded cat and rides as smooth as a Catholic man with a Sunday shave. I do worry about it in my environment because it does rust and that would break my heart. So can I have a beach house in a warm climate to go with it???

5)Do you like guys with a 5 o’clock shadow?

As long as they do not have a prison record or want to sell me a used car.

6)What kitchen utensil would you use in sex?

Hubby is yelling from the other room” Roller pin”- (why, I do not even want to know and I will not merit this with even a single character of the alphabet because it is so odd that the man I married did not say spatula)

My kitchen utensil would have been cooking spray applied to the bum so I could slip around on the countertop.

7)Have you ever had sex with food?
OK I have two answers-

a) I am a woman, dark chocolate IS sex.

b)Dude, I have a very motivated husband that is turned on by my odd sense of humor and the fact that I have a near perfect set of “twins” makes it almost impossible to keep him off of me. I do not need to fornicate with fruits.

What are some of your favorite slang terms from the CIA?

FNG is stands for FUCKING NEW GUY. And only a FNG would ask that question. Listen pal, I am no longer a government employee, its not like I am just out on recon- so why oh why do we always go back to the CIA questions? Do you never tire of hearing me complain about your questions? We don’t even have a CIA anymore. Ohh and this is A PORN SITE.

9)Do you have a sister that would have sex with me?
That depends, are you gonna buy her dinner, or a new boat?

10)Do you like Jell-o rubbed on your tits?

Listen you are someone who OBVIOUSLY has never worn a water-bra because that is JUST like wearing Jell-o on your tits.

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Well kids- It is time to sign off and get something done in my REAL LIFE. I still have my holidy surprise coming for you, and do not forget to send in your weird food combo's.

Kisses
Bird

Hellooo- The bird is back and thanks for all the love notes while my back was healing. I am back to the open road this week. Kisses!
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1)Did you know I have some big meat that will make you scream?

Isn’t that supposed to be ice cream that makes me scream???

2 Thanks for sending out so much love to us soldiers, what do you think about men in uniform?

My assignment is to get you OUT of uniform and standing full salute.

3 What’s the ONE thing that will always get you into the mood for sex.

Ok I haave to say from every MILF on the planet, his heavenly little trick works 110% of the time.

What always makes me in the mood for sex: Having my children hundreds of miles away
and then –
with a single scrumptious pat- turning off the cell phone.

4 Have you ever had sex with an Asian man?

I am ASIA-ABSTAINING because I am totally holding out for Jackie Chan.

Dude- it could happen.

5 I’d like to pack you perfect little ass with my big stick and then cram you full of my warrior candy.

Um, you are quite amazing: It only took you 21 words to get yourself listed as an enemy combatant.

You will have to wrestle with your own warrior candy.

6 Would you ever have sex just wearing a tool belt?

I am ex-CIA, I wear a holster.
Yes.

7 (same person as #6 different e-mail)
Do you want to see me wear just my toolbelt?

What kind of tools are in that belt? Every girl dreams of a big project that involves lots of pounding and getting nailed.

8 When will you post a video?
We did. TWICE- one from RAG and one from BigByte.
You were too slow snail-boy.

9 I want to get more enjoyment out of your pictures any ideas?

Well my first thought is “have a few beers” that will put your love goggles on nice and tight.

OR You can do what others do- bookmark my pictures to peruse at your leisure AND if you look at them often you can get 'loads' of pleasure from them

10 Will you watch me on cam while I spank my wife?
Why- it is her birthday?

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See you soon!
kisses to all

You guys are so funny! I love all the wacky personal questions you are sending. Some of them make me laugh until my sides hurt. Don't you guys have JOBS or someplace to BE during the day???
OK here are tonights answers.

YES there REALLY is a town named Shenanoah and I am in it.
and YES I do think the Shenandoa Mayor is submitting to NN.

I have had no surgery scars- But I do have others-
I have one from a kickball accident in sixth grade on my left knee while catching a outfield ball from my arch enemy Karl Massoning who was also the best ball kicker in school and liked to put frogs in my lunchbox. I think he is currently unemployed.

A fall through the barn roof while playing GI Joes with my brothers in fifth grade that left a slice on my leg- so my little brother( who did not fall through) put black marker on the GI's to emulate my scar.

I have one on the same leg from falling off the back of the hay bailer during bikini malfunction in the seventh grade.

A bike accident in 9th grade from Scott Maccacby trying to pull my pants off while I was coming home from Volleyball and left me a scar on my elbow and my surprise he was also my first prom date.

I have a TWO small DOT scars on my butt from my sister poking me with a marshmallow cooking fork while we were camping in Utah.

I had 17 stitches inside my mouth from showing off and flipping over the front of my mountain bike on a first date with some guy named Todd in college. I was sooo cool and on a small campus that trick initiated my college drinking nickname of BloodyMurder. The best part is that when you got really drunk you would just yell at the top of your lungs for me wherever you are. BLOODYMURDER... People still yell it when they see me twenty years later. hmmm

And finally a set of 22 stitches on my foot from a late night dare and a skinny dipping incident in Georgia. I was running out of the water after spotting a very big gator and had slipped on sharp rocks. I also lost my underpants and had to get stitched up in a jeanskirt with no panties.

Stay fun! Your the best..

Hello everyone and happy spring! I am happy to inform you that we have another TOP TEN questions that YOU have sent in to me. It is always a great deal of fun to open your emails and to see the craziness that is in each question. I hope you enjoy my responses.
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1) I would like to know if you have had sex IN a car as a teenager.

No way Jose! My dad would have never ever in a million, billion, kajillion, years EVER have allowed me to go out ALONE on a date with a BOY that drove a car. They have dark thoughts and fast hands those boys. I think I was like on 40 and married with five kinds when I had sex in a car.

2) What the hell is MAN FUR?

It is a kinder way of describing that extremely dense and course forest of body hair that encrusts all parts of the MAN body and traps things like lint, odor, popcorn, and bits of dingle. We soft supple girliee types like to pet manfur.

3) How do you sleep in your own bed, on you tummy or on the edge, just give me details.

Nude, in the middle, and with a slight snore according to hubby
I sleep on my half; unfortunately for hubby my half seems to be in the middle up the bed. Thus his section is a quartile on either side of me. FYI I am also a bum snuggler. I like to get my tummy as close to hubby’s bum as I can –then I get too warm and flop over on to my tummy and fall fast asleep.

4) What would make you leave your husband?

Oh I leave him all the time, I wander off as soon as we get into any BIG BOX store. He spends over half of his shopping experience looking for the Bird.

5) What advise do you have for a guy on how to drive girls crazy with sexual desire.

Ohh this is like a little word puzzle answer:
All you have to do is remember the Sweet-Sixteen.

Sixteen letters that will bring every girl out of her shell and love you for eternity because of your prowess.

S-L-O-W for a L-O-N-G time and then go F-A-S-T and when she wants to stop give her a little M-O-R-E.

6) Do you think bitchy women are sexy?

I would say they equally as sexy as loud drunk assholes that chant at sporting matches.

7) Have you ever kissed your own cousin?

DUDE! I was like -five, it was Christmas, I wiped it off.

That totally means it didn’t count.
We never spoke of it again. and neither should you.

Do you like men who are clean shaven in their Netherlands regions?

I will take my Netherlands au natural but I prefer that gardens to be groomed.

9) I think you should let me come over with my meatstick and show you what a crazy Irish xxxxx would do to that sassy little arse’ of yours.

Is that Meatstick or Matchstick??
Better send in a picture with that offer.

10) Have you ever just sat and watched yourself having sex?

Ok dude I am going to just GIVE your question another question instead of an answer-

Riddle me this Batman: If I am the active participant how can I be my OWN voyeur?
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With spring in the air, Hubby is ready to get snapping and enjoy some time with his favorite Bird.
Have a great week.
Kisses
Bird

Hey I HAD to share my favorite poem this week sent in from a fan
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Birdie Birdie in the skies of blue
your a sparkle in my eyes ..that's true
you've spread your wings and bared your breast
please spread your legs and show me your nest !
Rick
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Dude- you are awesome.
Bird