MF4U4fun's blog post - My First Time Posing Nude, or what's a chubby like you doing trying to be a pin up?

The first time I ever posed nude, it was for the man who would later become my husband.

We met when he judged and then lectured at a local camera club competition. I was a budding amateur photographer and he was a commercial photographer just starting his studio business. He did not like my photos very much, but he did give me an insight to their weakness. It has always stayed with me. He said "In photography your main tool is not the camera, or subject, texture, line or form. It is light." To this day I am primarily drawn to photography that features drama in the lighting.

How we began dating is another story, but for this thread suffice it to say that we dated for a while and I was falling in love with him. One evening I met him at his studio to go on a date. He had been photographing models for a glamour calendar. ( very soft pin-up style. no porn, sorry readers) As we talked it was apparent that he wasn't happy with the day's results. Then he told me, "You are far more beautiful than anyone I've photographed today." At this point in our relationship we had not had intercourse, but we had petted, done oral etc. I was reluctant to get involved with him because he was 9 years older than I, he seemed far more worldly, and he was an artist with all the bohemian cliché traits that that implies. But then he asked me to pose for him. He did it with a such a dominant manner, not mean or commanding, but dominant. It was as if he were saying, "pass the salt". It was as if there was no possibility or indeed even a reason for refusal. He told me how beautiful I was, that my intelligence shows in my eyes, that my personality, my core, my essence, glows and that he wanted to capture that in a photograph. He then began to detail in a soft loving manner little things about my body that "captivated "him. The line of my calves, the slope in the curve of my back, the proportion my upper arms, and the curve of my hips, and yes he loved my breasts too. To someone who has fought weight issues all her life this praise was overwhelming. I know this sounds so corny typed out. But he was so sincere, so earnest. There was no hint of deceit, none of the oily slime of a pick up line. The irony was that if he had wanted to make love to me right then , I would have.

But that night he only wanted my nude body posed in front of his camera.

In his studio I undressed. Nude, all except for my thong panties. Somehow exposing my vagina seemed more explicit to me than just posing topless. He posed me in one of the sets and took a few photos. Then he gently pointed out to me that my thong was ruining the line of my hip and more importantly by having just a bit a clothing on it made my nudity more sexual. It was a visual reminder to the viewer that the model was once clothed and is now naked. He promised to hide my vagina in shadows if I was self conscious ( and I was). I removed my panties and posed again. When he showed me the "before and after" photos on the monitor it was so obvious that he had been right.

It was very much a dance. He led and I followed. He posed me and gave me constant flattery as he shot. "Arch your back" he must have said a thousand times. "Point your toes". "Shift your weight off of the camera front leg. " He was in full control, like a conductor leading his orchestra. And he had my complete entire trust.

Was the experience sexual? No, not in the least. The mechanics of it all prevented it from being a sexual experience. There was too much to concentrate on in order to get a good photo to think about sex. But it was a mighty rush of confidence. Of liberty. Of moving past the forbidden. Being the sole focus of the his attention filled me not with a feeling of being loved or being lusted after, as much as an incredibly positive ego stroke of being admired and desired. I felt like a queen. I knew for the first time what it was like to be the most important person in the room; the center of all attention. And I loved it.

The entire session lasted an hour at the most. He never made a pass at me or even said anything remotely sexual as I was posing. But even after I was dressed, I had a rush of adrenaline still charging through me. We went out that night and talked about the model/artist relationship 'til the early morning. Discussing how the model can be the creative spark as much as the artist. He asked me to pose again for him but this time not for a glamour shot but for an ongoing series of fine art studies. Collaborating together on this art series is when I discovered the true essence of the dominant / submissive relationship. And we fell in love.

Cut to today. We are divorced. He kept all of his photos that we did throughout our marriage as part of the settlement. I still pose nude for life drawing classes and for some art photographers. I have become quite comfortable and confident in my own skin. I love the creative give/take relationship between the artist and the model. I have posed for some very talented artists as well as some real hacks. There is deep beauty in all of us and I am proud to be able to help artists learn to see it.

My new avatar is one of the photos from this first session. It is from a scan of a 5x7 print so the quality is not the best. That was over ten years ago. I weighed more then than I do now. But what I see in it is the look in my eyes. I can see that I was in pure innocent love even then.