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Back again to see old friends.
I brought a new pair of shoe's, but somethings wrong with them. When I tried them on, one of them isn't right 🤔
😂
I brought a book on abdominal pain but it was damaged, someone had removed the appendix 😕
I always by lube whenever I buy a cucumber. It's better to be thought of as a weirdo than a vegetarian 😕
I told my wife I've got a problem, she said no, we've got a problem, we're a team, a couple, a unit, your problem is my problem, I said ok, we got your sister pregnant...
Why does drinking 8 pints of water in a day seem unfeasible, yet downing 8 pints of beer in a couple of hours seems reasonable 🤔
If you can afford it, best brink 9 pints of 
a day rather than 9 pints of water.... is nearly all water....
My girlfriend came into the bedroom in some new underwear, I said that looks nice, is it satin? She said no, I've only just put it on 😏
I was thinking about giving up flashing, but I've decided to stick it out for one more year 😁
I love putting on fresh, warm underwear, straight out the dryer 😊 it's also fun looking around the laundrette and guessing who it belongs too 🤣
Right, I'm off out. I know it's still early, but I like to have 5 or 6 practice beers before I start drinking 👍
I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower but it came out all blurry, apparently I have selfie steam issues 🙃
Back in the mists of time I took my entire desktop computer up so I could make a shower vid. The result was knees with soap dripping down. At least the desk got dusted with that effort 
I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, went back, got distracted, I have no idea whats going on, is this my coffee? I need to pee 😫
Hey AGR did you get my e-mails over Christmas? Your so bad at replying, I don't know if you got them and haven't replied or you didn't get them 🤣
Hey there Arti, my gorgeous friend, smitten, its great to see you too, and AGR.....what can I say about you my beautiful friend, the pleasure is all mine 🥰😍😘
Did you know, if you put you're foot down on the gas and the break pedal at the same time, you're car will take a screenshot.
When the waitress finally came over she apologised for my wait, so I stormed out, it's non of her business if I'm fat.
I asked how much it would cost to gather a singing group for my birthday, she said do you mean a choir? Ok how much to acquire a singing group for my birthday?
