Something I have discovered since having joined a couple of "proper" dating sites..........I am at the wrong age!!

You have to fill out a profile, and one of the questions asked is what age you are looking for, then they give you ranges to choose from, and I have put 50-60.

The problem seems to be that men in that age range are looking for younger ladies, so I am too old. I have been contacted by men over 60, I have been on dates with 2......both really nice men, but it would appear that they both considered me too young!!

So am I now that "woman of a certain age" that I have heard so much about?

My eldest daughter nearly died several years ago, turned out it was an exotic bird allergy, although she is ok now, it has left her with lung and chest problems.

For the past few years she has been vaccinated against flu, which always gives her a dose of flu, which it does most people, but for most a mild dose, for her a not so mild dose.

This year not only has she had the flu jab, but on Saturday she had to have the Swine Flu jab, yesterday (Monday) they wanted to admit her to hospital she is that ill.........she has refused to go, so they gave her oxygen and put her on a nebuliser (sp) at the surgery.

I saw her yesterday afternoon, and have spoken to her since, and it is frightening to see and hear her. I feel so helpless, I want to be able to breath for her, I am sitting here crying like a stupid child because there is nothing I can do to help her.

FUCKING SWINE FLU!!!!

Have had a brilliant weekend, with a really nice gentleman.

I have been looked after and treated like a lady.......something I am not used to. We have talked and talked, we have discussed all the really important things in life like, governments, wars and of course the most important of all ........chocolate, not once did I feel out of my depth, or "not good enough" something I have to admit I thought I might feel, the man put me at ease and was the perfect genteman.

Today we went for a walk and we had the discussion which I knew would have to come, I let him do most of the talking, because he was saying exactly what I felt, but so much better than I could have said it myself.

The upshot is we will not be seeing each other again. I do not regret spending the weekend with him, in fact I have this weekend learnt something about men, and more importantly about myself for which I cant thank him enough.

There are nice men out there, and I will find one, but for now it is back to the drawing board but with some new insight.

When someone asks me to describe my ultimate man, I do so, and am obviously attracted to "bad boys", so here I am 54 having had my fair share (actually I believe More than my fair share) of bad boys and on my own!!!

The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me, my husband who fell apart when I left him, came and asked me for a divorce as he is seeing his first ex wife again and they want to remarry. This might sound odd, but my stomach went up into my mouth. We had been together for over 20 years, and although we dont love each other any more I thought we would always be there for each other. If he is remarrying his new wife will not want him to be there for me, and he wont need me anymore, I felt as if I would be losing part of me. Then I discovered that the man who has held my heart for several years really was not what I hoped he was, but was what I suspected he was.

Today I went out, got rid of a buildup of dust and cobwebs, came home gave myself a damn good shake and talking too, then contacted a gentleman who has been patiently waiting for me to decide that he isn't "too good for me" and agreed to meet him next weekend. He is a retired policeman that lives a three hour drive away. He is not my usual "type" and he knows that but is willing to make the trip.

Me moving on, watch this space xx

Its been ages since I last blogged, and a lot has happened since then. Hads and I split up...... Hads and I got back together again, and there seem to be some rumours doing the rounds!!

Some of you know that whilst we were apart we were both seeing other people, I went back to my husband (big mistake) and Hads was seeing a lady from across the water who he met through the internet and is known to a few here, and just be be clear, he and I had no contact until after she left to go home.

It would appear there is a rumour that he "mistreated" the lady whilst she was in this country.

Now I know I wasn't there, but I spent 2 years with him, and am now back where I wanted to be practically the whole time we were apart, and believe me I know how he treats the lady in his life.............like a princess.

I have no idea what form this "mistreatment" took, or where the rumour started, all I can say to those of you who have heard it is, believe me when I say, Hads is the most loveable, amazing and considerate man I have ever met, and there is no way on this earth that he would have treated her badly.

There is more I could say, but at the moment choose not to.

Anyway as I said in my last blog, we were discussing what we are gonna do when we have our millions in the bank.

We have already decided the location of our home it would be on the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. The problem is hads wants a huge place, and I only want something fairly small, I don't like housework that much. But hads said that he would not want to me have to do housework anymore, and that he would take full responsibility for interviewing, hiring and training the staff needed, and that I was not to worry about anything, he would take care of it all, including deciding what outfits the maids would wear. Now you know why I love this man, he is so thoughtful.

After I had shown my appreciation to him, I said that as he was taking on such an onorous task, the least I could do would be to sort out the poolboy, gardener and chauffeur, again the man took my breath away, and told me not to worry my pretty little head about such things, and that he would sort it all out, and in these days of political correctness, he thought it would be a good idea if we advertised for a 'pool person'. In fact in the end he decided, so as not to have any fratinisation between the staff, it would be a good idea to have all female members of staff.

I just cried with gratitude, the man is so thoughtful and caring.

I will spend the rest of my life showing hads just what a wonderful person he is.

(leaving this page trying to get my tongue out of the side of my cheek, lol)

We got up reasonably early for a Sunday, had a couple of cups of coffee and a couple ciggies, sat in the kitchen discussing what we are gonna do when we become millionairs!! (for another blog).

We then went back to bed and had part 1 of Sunday morning sex, fell asleep for a while, woke up again had part 2 of Sunday morning sex, fell asleep again, woke up and hads decided I needed part 3 (I knew I loved that man for more than 1 reason, and one of them is cos he makes such good decisions) I wanted to go back to sleep after, but hads decided we had spent enough time in bed, so it was time to get up (sometimes his decisions are not so good lol).

We went around to see one of my daughters, found both of them there so got to see all three granddaughters as well, we sat in the kitchen chatting like girlies do, hads went in the living room with my son in law who was playing some sort of football game on the X-box, all us girls heard every now and then was an 'oooh' or an 'aaaah' or of course the occassional expletive!!

We came home changed into our slouchy gear, hads had a look around on the pc, I started reading a book. Was all good til he got booted out, I counted down from 10, he walked out (he had been in the middle of starting a new thread I think) face like thunder, when he heard me reach 1, I heard a scream (a very manly one you understand) from the kitchen.

Then J came down, she had bought hads an Easter Egg, she stayed for about 15 minutes, then left again clutching the Easter Egg he had bought her, a Simpsons one including a Bart egg cup.

About 10 minutes later doorbell rang again and J stood there and asked for an egg, Mummy didn't have any, and she wanted to use her new egg cup.

I cooked a roast for dinner, hads washed up, I dried up, he poured me a drink and told me to relax.

What a fucking perfect day.

Today I got home from work to find a very happy hads and a very happy grandaughter J.

My daughter and J live a couple of doors away, and J has become a frequent visitor when hads is here, he seems to have become her 'bestest' friend. Last evening my daughter came down and asked if he would pick J up from school today (J's request).

J is 10 and has two mums but has never had a major male role model in her life, apart from my other daughters husband who having had two daughters (and another child on the way) is good with her, the problem is with a family of his own she does not get to see him very often.

Hads collected her from school brought her back here, fed her and when I got home from work three hours later, they were making animals and humans out of straws, sticky tape and kitchen roll and having a wonderful time.

I love the thought that they get on so well together, and that she has taken to him so easily, she has in the past had a problem communicating with men.

Hads is now feeling very paternal and protective of her. For a man who has never had a family of his own he has such and amazing and easy manner with her.

I believe I am even more in love with him now than I was before.

Thank you for reading my first blog.