honeyme's blog post - Love is

Love is a funny thing.

For anyone that got to know me last year, or even just read my blogs, you'll have got the message that I had been essentially single a long time. There were men here and there, but nothing long term. And thinking back now, I'd say that even further in the past where I'd had long term relationships, I'm not entirely sure how much love was found there either.

I spent a large proportion of last year posting blogs about how I was happy alone and wasn't looking. I'd actually been saying that in real life for a long time too but I don't actually think I really meant it till last summer. By last summer I'd come to terms with heading towards 40 just as I was and the penny had dropped about not everyone finding their somebody and I was happy relishing life as it was.

I'm absolutely loathe to be a cliche, I consider myself to be one of a kind and as unique as can be, so cliches aren't for me, but you can guess where this story goes, as the wise old women tell their younger kind, when you stop looking, that's when love walks in. A year ago a man walked into my life and hasn't as yet walked away and as I write this, it's hard to remember my world without him.

This isn't all sunshine and soppy, don't worry, I've not changed that much! If anything, the point I'm making is that love is actually not easy at all.

I've never been happier. But I've never been more vulnerable.
I've never been more understood. But I've never held myself more accountable.

A year ago tomorrow, I went to a meeting and was assigned a work partner for the next 6 weeks. We hit it off from minute one, in the space of a day I considered him a friend, and later (much later.. which made it even better) he got me naked and we've never looked back.

He makes me feel alive. He makes me feel like I can be the best version of me I can be. He knows everything, he sees everything. And he's still here. He's gone nowhere, he's just ever so quietly there, and I smile every single day.

I've ticked off just about every cliche in the book. Every 'nugget' of wisdom I read and scoffed at about love seems to be true. And as fabulous as I feel, I'm scared to the core about how open and vulnerable I let myself be. I can't emphasise enough how solitary and self contained I was. And I still am. As I said earlier, I've not changed, I'm still me, and if my world did fall apart tomorrow, I'd be ok. But I'm pushing my boundaries of reliability and letting someone take care of me because he makes me feel safe. He shows me every single day that I matter, I'm a person worth knowing and that I can trust him. I think trust is the most intoxicating sense I know.

I'm not sure what my purpose is in writing this, perhaps just to round off my journey and my story.

And from the girl who didn't believe, when they say one day someone will walk into your life and you won't remember who you were before.. trust me, if it happens, it's the greatest feeling in the world.