honeyme's blog post - What is normal anyway?

I saw an old friend over the weekend. I sat down and read a picture book with their children and had a perfectly pleasant 'Auntie' hour. It was all very nice and then Daddy took the children out and so adult conversation over a glass of wine kicked in. Because it was a friend I'd not seen for a while, there was a lot to catch up on. Then, as ever, the questions about my single, child free life kicked in.
Have you a man yet?
No.
Are you looking?
Well, I have been but I'm taking a break.
Oh, well, you're not getting any younger you know....

Really?! Do people actually think I've not noticed this? If it was as simple as me picking the nearest available man and running barefoot to the garden to pop children out would I have not done that? The why am I childless is easy to answer. I'm just not sure that's for me.
The single part is less easy to define. I'm single for many many reasons. The vast majority of them of my own choosing. Would I perhaps like a "normal" (and yes people have phrased it just like that!) life? Possibly. I'm not actually sure. For every reason I can see the attraction of it, I see two negatives.
Without going into vast detail of my own life, there are three main factors to my 'spinster existence' (Ain't that a lovely phrase! I'd rather be a Bachelor please)
The biggest is I'm work focused and always have been. The second is I rarely meet a man I'd bother to make time for. (Brutal but honest!) The third is more vague. I'm difficult.
I'm not stupid, I'm well aware I've enough psychological issues to make it easier to hide behind being a career woman who's fussy rather than face my own problems. But I'm not ready to deal with my own issues yet.. And I'm certainly not going to do it just because the world at large thinks I should now 40 is rapidly approaching.

My whole life I've done things my way. Not usually the easiest way, or the right way, or the mainstream way.. but MY way. Why people think I'd make life easy on myself now and just conform I've no idea. I survive. That's enough for me,

Not everyone is going to have children. Not everyone is going to get married. Statistics prove this. In the animal world that probably leads to extinction, but we're more evolved that that, I hope. On my darker days I get down about not finding myself in the majority of people who got this love stuff nailed. But on my brighter days I find myself being proud of being who I am and being in the minority. Somedays I panic I should push myself more. But then I wake up the next morning thinking I don't want to bother.

I'm not posting this for advice or comment. I'm just frustrated as I've had a few people in the real world think it's ok to ask what are actually quite private and intense questions. I think I'll start replying 'My life's fine thanks. How's yours?'