take me out behind the shed and shoot me , just put me out of my missery please !! ha ha ..........

Could it be.
Has it been that long ?
O M G has time gone by that fast ?
Is it true.
I blinked my eyes and time passed by.
It was just yesterday when this new boy came into the world.
At 10:45 am you were born.
I've been watching you grow.
Hopping you stay out of harms way, you've done better than me at that age.
Now your a jr fierman boy you have grown.
Now comes the driving. (help)

~~HAPPY 16th SON~~

SARCOIDOSIS a pome by Ms. Dale C Thurlow

S is for spirit, with which we battle you
A is for attitude, it helps to see us through
R is for resilient, for we shall not give in
C is for conquer, the cure someday we'll win
O is for often, the drugs we have to take
I is for indefinite, for choices we will make
D is for doctor, those who try to do some good
O is for overwhelming, symptoms not well understood
S is for severe, a chronic illness with no pause
I is for incredible, to date-still no know cause
S is for sharing, in unity-we are strong and fortitude shall see us through,the cure will come along.

I have this there is no cure .....
Just waiting.......
I was diagnosed with it in 2006 . It can and will infect any orgain in the body.(it's in my lungs so far) It's hard to diagnose because it can look like other disease's
You can't cut it out or us raditation it's just there it may
go into remission and then come back or never come back. Or you can live with it and never know it .
I finaly broke down and went on line today to find answers to questions the so called specialist couldn't answer.All I was
ever told is we don't know it's still a new disease we'll have to wait and see what happens ( i firerd him he was allways to busy to talk to me)
See it's so new their isn't much info. on it , and the Dr.'s don't know much about it. It's debilitating you can die from it and you may need a lung transplant ..
It comes in classes from 1 to 4 the classification goes by how much damage is done .I've got scarring in my lungs so that gets me a class 4.
How do they test for it ..Start with xrays then move to blood
test(one is painfull) urine and saliva and an M R I with dye (now that was strange). Now they narrow it down to sarcoid or lymphoma
Oky now they have to go get a sample so in comes the scope in to your lungs (your asleep well I was for the fist one number 2 I keep waking up) Oky what are they looking for?
Granuloma's they form lesion's in the body and on the skin.I have numerous lesion's in my lungs the larges is 10 mm. about 1/2 in.( and I have a few big ones )
I have my mri and xrays on a disk and it's hard to belive I can still breath with them all . Do they hurt? yes when they are forming scar tissue it feels like a knife in you turnig.
Drugs to help, Prednisone is the one I was given to stop it's spread It's a steroid and it shuts down your immunity system, and my immunity system is attacking my lungs .I was on it for 2yrs and it leached the calcium out of my bones, and I swelled up like a ballon and can't drop the weight .
There is some other diesaes that can go along with it so far
I have none . I found a site for sarcoid today with info.
Thats were I found the poem, and it helped with a wall I had. Was reading through there guesst book. and there are ppl like me with no answers maybe I'll ket them there . And there is a chat room some place for us with sarcoid.
This was done because someone here thought I should share this in a blog. Not for any pitty , if you have any ? ask I'll do my best to explain. Am I scaried yes !! There are things I still want to do yet so I don't plan on giving up

When we light jackolanters to keep evel sprits away.
When the dead freely walk amoung us ,so becarefull who you kiss and who you love they may steal your soul for good.
A time for tricks and treats and things to go bump in the night.So becarefull of the dark he may there waiting to strike.

HAPPY HOLLOW SCREAM EVERY ONE
Hahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok my first blog didn't work.(im having issues)
So i'll tell you how my night went last night .
Phone rings at 2:00pm i'ts S we still goin,yes what time
do you want to meet ,5:30 ok see you then .
So I putter around the house do some things on line .
Then I look at the clock,o shit im late at 5:30 im still
trying to get out of the house . Drope son of at dads
Zooooom down the hill pick up S and K off we go .
It's tri county firemen's meating night .
I start come to an intersection and think why did I come
this way damn.Now iv'e got to back track some where .
We get there dinner was supoes to start at 6:30 didn't
started at 7:00 it was oky. Then came the meeting man that
took for ever .Now headed home instead of droping S and K off
we took a ride to nib. Head back home ,was such a nice night
out .Close to S and K's stope out comes a deer walking
across the road shit BREAKS not stoping , then he stops
boooom . We stop I pull to the side get out look at the
truck sheet metal is good parking light is hanging by the
wier, head light's out .(thanks for the grill guard)
Deer is dead ,mmm Im taking it home we load it in the truck
head for home .Ever try to processing a deer by flash light
i'ts a hard and long task . So my night didn't end until
about 1 am the next day . Messed up truck and meat in the freezer, o well things happen

In days of old.
When knight's were bold.
They left their load along the road...






play nice.

Ok im trying to put pics on my blog, how the heck do you do that ???? There in my computer and if there in a camera is it differnt. I've tried but have no luck and not to sure what im doing. If you could help send it in a pm, or what ever way ..
THANKS...

Help I have come to a complete road block in my head .
I have two blogs that I was encouraged by some one here to wright . One about me the other about somthing strange that happend all one summer. Started both of them and came to a dead stop . Other things have just came out not even thinking about it .It's not like im sitting here stairing at it .

One more step and I could fall away.
If it happened would it matter?
I can't tell if I should go or stay.
Same old picture feels so hollow .
How can anybody know what's best for me ?
Another page I turn in shame.
My decisions brought me to my knees.
I need someone to blame .

(chorus)
I feel so hollow.
I feel so hollow.
I feel so hollow.
Time to do what's best for me, I beieve I can change.

Once upon a time in broken dreams ..
Reflections that I can't face .
So hold your breath and make a wish for me.
Take me to a better place .
Time alwasy seems to be passing by..
It never waits for me .
If I could do it all one more time .
I wouldn't change a thing.
(chorus)

I've made a decision, well it was made for me .I am leaving my house I have to . (I'll let her lose it then I cant be blamed for it , it was her familes house any way) . I haven't told my son yet , I don't know how to tell him and im not shure where we will go.I've been barely keeping our head above water as it is .
My unemployment has run out , and there is no word from work.I don't think I can do much any more ,simpel chours leave me out of breath now.
I broke down and when to the wellfare office to see if I could get some help . Didn't get much now I have paper work to get filled by the Dr. for disability (boy thats scarry i've always been abel to bounce back ,i've broke this and that tore some tendons, even dislocated a knee once was told i'd always have a limp but don't) Now what? It's bad enough living with something wrong with you and dealing with it.Knowing it may hit you hard some day and now it threatens to take it all away .But I have to survive so that's what I intend to do.

Im pissed this word cancer .
What an evil word.
Meaning(A malignant tumor that invades healthy tissue and spreads to other areas)
It spreads like a heart beat, some times it slow .
Gram was an 11 yr survivor of breast cancer (mastectomy, were they had to scrap the bone to get it all .) but thats not what took her .Great gram had it in her skin .Lil sis has had things removed but none cancerious . Me I've kinda faced it(Lyumphoma) and won sorta I don't know It's somthing els im told ..another story.
But all you what to do is cry no matter who or what , it helps . you cry when no one is looking or when your a lone . Yes you get mad but at who. Your self or them no, you have to be strong they count on you to lean on when there not
You look at things differnt . You have to have your time alone to deal ,it helps then you what some one there with you it helps.
But then there is that naging what if that comes . The thing you don't want to think of it comes in the middel of the night it wakes you from sleep .It's scarrie as hell you sit and wonder what els could I have done .How will they get along, will they be oky .And yes i still cry at times and i get mad but at who .
This isn't for me it's for some one els that is here on NN.
They need your help and suport right now .