I'm saying goodbye again, having spent a few hours on statuses this evening there is just far too much negativity even with the happy pills to make it the happy carefree place I need it to be at the moment.

Well as you can see I'm back Went back to the Dr's and after much conversation I am now drugged up to the eyeballs ! ! So the short term problem has been taken care of and my head is in a better place now although I rattle when I walk now! Although having spent a couple of hours catching up on statuses for the last couple of days I am wondering if I will stick around, it doesn't seem to have been the most harmonious of times ! ! Ah well time will tell.

Hey whoever, My head isn't in a good place right now so I'll be taking a break from here till I've got my shit together again. It seems bit pointless to be using a socially interactive site when you're not feeling in the least bit sociable and negative. I hope it won't be long but at this moment I have no idea. So to those of you I now call friend and interact with thank you for making my time here enjoyable and I hope I will see you all again. Take care of yourselves. Sam x

Went to the Dr’s yesterday and it’s left me feeling worse than before I went and signed off for another month. It seems there is now a slim possibility it isn’t just the after effects of the viral infection I had in January, although this is still the main thinking but apparently the longer this condition continues the chances increase that it may be ME / CFS! Not really what I wanted to hear, having already been off work for 6 months. I am already concerned enough that my job is becoming less secure with each passing week and whilst they have been pretty good so far they are not obliged to continue paying me beyond the 6 months so there is now the worry of will I be able to meet all the bills if they don’t or could I potentially end up losing the house. I can’t say that feeling like this for the foreseeable future is something I really want to think about right now. I’m not trying to say the condition compares with more serious illnesses, but for those who suffer from it, it is debilitating.
It may sound silly and trivial but finding NN has really helped to keep my sanity ( not that I had much to begin with) it’s a chance to escape and for a few hours a day forget my problems and communicate with the outside world. There are specifically a few who have helped without even realising they have and I’ll not embarrass them by naming names as I am pretty sure they know who they are but a BIG thank you. And the rest of NN thank you as well for keeping me occupied when I need it.
Having got that off my chest I feel slightly better and to anyone who reads and I have depressed apologies, but this is more a form of therapy than it is to share

Ok so I guess I’ll give you a bit of info on who I am. I live alone with a dog who is probably my best friend and the reason I am still here. He got me through one of the worst times of my life when my now ex-wife announced without any warning she wasn’t happy and was moving out and taking the kids with her. That was it marriage over with no discussion and no idea of what had gone wrong (still don’t know). It’s left me with a few trust issues! So I’m now stuck alone with the dog in a 4 bedroom house that was a family home and is now just a place to live in. I would move but the house is in so much negative equity due to current market and a secured loan the irony of which was the loan was for home improvements and to pay off 15k of her personal debts!! Enough bitching about the ex if you wanna know more you’ll have to ask.
It took me a good couple of years to start interacting with the world again and I’m still not all the way there yet. But the friends I’ve made and hopefully continue to make here are helping on a daily basis without even knowing it, so to you all, Thank You.
For the last 6 months I’ve been off work sick, (work is IT hardware) I got a chest infection in January which eventually cleared up but left me completely useless, I think I’ve had every test known to medical science in the last few months, luckily all have come back clear and the consultant and Dr’s opinion is the chest infection was particularly nasty and has basically just wiped me out and it could take months to recover fully. The dog is down to one walk a day luckily he’s only small so he’s ok with that and something as simple as hovering the front room takes me 24hours to recover from.
Right enough soul bearing for one session )
Link is a song by Darrius Rukker -Alright not so much the lyrics but the overall sentiment [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etr7UtnUflM]