It has been a little while since I visited - I have made time for myself and have been feeling in some small way better.

Life still gets on top of me sometimes, I do still feel overwhelmed but then who doesn't ??

It can be strange how distancing yourself from people who have certain expectations releases you from these pressures. In my life this is something I deeply treasure, and has gone a long way to bringing me back to dare I say reality ?? certainly I feel less stressed and without *pressure* I am a happy spicey.

In the last 24 months I have endured, and overcome. Issues I struggled with are better really way better so patience and persistance has so far won out in the end.

I am grateful for the anonymity that this site has allowed me, and the freedom to speak out in a way that I could not in my everyday life.

Thank you, those of you who were there with support, words of advice or just providing a delicious distraction to my RL challenges.

Much love

Ss x

I care too much. Yep it's true. I have in the past few weeks in my absence from this place started to say NO to people more. I do it because I care ... and why do I do this you ask ???

Because I care, I like to be there for friends, I like knowing they know they can ask me for help and that me SUPERWOMAN .. am there for them.

Thing is ... I'm not superwoman and for far too long have been trying to be.

There are many expectations of your everyday average working wife and mother (yes I know same for you working husbands and dads) but what I mean is people just dont admit when they find life overwhelming.

I mean really to me its a sign of strength if you can turn around and say RIGHT enough ... world back off for 5 minutes I need a break.

I bend I dont break ... I'm tough and I'm tenacious. I have depression - it sucks!

SO from now on I'm caring for myself, doing what makes me feel good, still assuming the roles I usually fulfil just on my terms.

know what ???

I FEEL GREAT xxx

thanks for stopping by to read my little blog

I have done a poor impression of being cheerful lately which is pretty much why I haven't been around and blogging.

I do have depression which doesn't help, but thankfully have a job which does for the most part help put a smile on my face.

I'm around a little bit and have been reading blogs and stuff just felt a little anti social, so this is done saying that the cloud is lifting somewhat and should I hope be around more in the coming days.

Xxxxxx

Where have all the partners of my socks gone ?

The shit hit the fan.

Yay my work situation is improving cannot go into specifics for I guess obvious reasons but I will be better off each week thank you all for the positive vibes.

My kid still continues to challenge us with risky behaviour, and we are actually following as behavioural therapy programme with my child.

Trust me when I said I take responsibility I really mean it, and of course have sourced the most appropriate course of action. There is no such thing as a quick fix, no magic wand to wave but I applaud all improvements with much praise and tackle others issues as per our plan.

I am deeply touched by the correspondence I have had with some of you lovely people, so many off us face challenges daily in all walks of life and on so many levels.

I am grateful I have my little blog, sometimes writting things down brings clarity, and at other times just relieves a little of the weight pressing down on our shoulders.

Thank you for taking the time to read and sharing my life with me xxx

I am a loving caring parent. My eldest child tells me I'm not too strict nor too lenient, but that I am reasonable.

The younger child is a constant struggle daily, in mid teens but seems on track for serious off the rails. I will reluctantly admit that I have welcomed outside support with the issues my teen is putting us through and was relieved to hear that those in the know feel that I am doing all the right things and in the right way.

I don't see many people in support of those of us with difficult children just scathing comments that we are responsible and that it is all our fault (ie we must be awfully terrible parents)

I take responsibility, indeed have one older child not on a path of self destruction, whilst their sibling does everything possible to make life for those around them difficult and miserable.

I did not raise my child to believe that what misbehaviour they are doing is right, they are acting of their own free will, knowing that is against our principles and beliefs. They are old enough and know right from wrong, and have chosen their own path.

Of COURSE I care, and am indeed heartbroken - there have been some improvements in someways but in others there seems a slide down a slippery slope.

I have hiden my teens behaviour from family and friends for a long while but the time has come ....... I don't care if others judge me badly, I love my child and will of course keep working to improve the current situation and to try to change my teens pattern of behaviour .... just have a think next time you make a smug comment re oh MY children would never do that / behave that way cuz I was that smug in my own head and boy has that come back to bite me on the ass.

SOMETIMES it is the child and not the parents ...... Just sayin.

*baring my soul*

Ss x

I'm at a crossroads of sorts. I want to do my current job full time and so far despite my best efforts have only managed to secure 20 hours a week.

I am frustrated and disheartened .. Have not had a pay rise in 8 years (neither have my colleagues) and the cost of living increases at a ridiculous rate.

We are being xxxxxx to take a stupidly big cut in pay but are being ALLOWED to keep our jobs ... I don't want to do anything else. I have a job that I love and know that many do not.

I try to count my blessings, cannot find a second job that fits within the hours I have available. I would be devastated to leave but feel like my hand is being xxxxxx.

The thought of leaving makes me cry and I can't face a future doing a job I hate after having been so blessed for so long.

I guess I should go back to hitting my head off a wall

Yes on top of writting which is progressing more slowly now am back at work fulltime, I have a new interest which is quite frankly tying me up in knots. WELL more literally I am tying knots, and exploring my creative side and maybe recently discovered a new quirk to add to the few I already had.

Some of these knots are decorative, some have a practical application and some are just plain kinky

Trying to keep up with things here but RL stuff has been snowing me under somewhat not the fun stuff neither .. Ain't complaining we all got that stuff goin on just explaining why I'm not here so much right now.

Xxxxx

Ok I admit it I just finished watching Emma, and feel all loved up.

Next stop got to find me Mr Darcy LOL

Xxxx