spigot89's blog post - Cold turkey

I hasten to add, not the drug related kind! I was musing on the nature of some of the friendships I have forged, that have originated here on NN. Some of them were either very fragile, or may even have been more imaginary than substantial, as evidenced by a few contacts that have simply dropped from my radar recently.

Firstly, I accept that it's any and everybody's prerogative to decide what they want from an online friendship, even relationship. If this site, an email friendship, a cyber relationship on another IM site isn't delivering, then it is probably a good idea to cut ties with said entity. How they do so is also entirely up to them. Unlike on most social media, the dramatic exit is not really seen here; perhaps a small announcement sneaks quietly into a status, hinting that we are going offline and giving a reason. A few discrete messages behind the scenes, leaving an email address to contact in future. Those things are to be expected. Thinking on other reasonings that people may have for cutting ties; some may have experienced bad things on this site, may feel guilty if they have a significant other who does not partake or agree with their usage, or worse, get caught using the site and suffer as a result. Some may even get into a new relationship that meets all the needs formerly met by this kind of site.

The above shows that there are various reasons why contact is dropped, all perfectly logical or understandable. Why then am I complaining in my blog? The only situation that I am complaining against, is that where I have been left high and dry by people with whom I was formerly in touch on an almost daily basis. Like some relationships, I realise that the intensity of the original encounter wears off, there is less and less to talk about, and there may be a natural tapering off in size and frequency of messages. I have no problem with this. What makes me sad and puzzled though, is when some have simply disappeared. Stopped responding to emails, even to messages which are completely neutral, with no mention of sexual or relationship clues. It is more the lack of explanation than the actual cutting off which bothers me. Honesty can hurt, but I would far rather see that than be strung along by someone who hasn't figured out what they want. I am not exactly insecure in the friendships I have formed here, but being cut off in a "cold turkey" manner leaves my mind pondering the many reasons why.

Was our correspondence suddenly unattractive? Did I touch a nerve in something I wrote? Was my personalised writing TOO personal? Maybe I sent a picture that was offensive in some unexplained way? Did the other person fear they were becoming too attached to me? If any of these questions were answered, I would feel a lot happier. I am not a stalker, if someone tells me they don't think the relationship is working, I can take it like a man. Rather than simply vanishing, at least send me a one-line heads-up to let me know that I am not to contact again. There is a particular genre which seems to follow a pattern; a woman (or "female" profile!) on here contacts me and suggests an email exchange of pics because they do not have premium. I will never accept this unless they can prove their bona fide on some other site, such as a viewable FB profile or something else that ties them to reality. It might even be that after having passed these "tests", said contact keeps up a good email or text exchange with me for a time. Then suddenly, dropped or ignored. It doesn't make sense to me. All I ask is open communication, honesty and a bit of sense of humour. I'm not insensitive to others' feelings, and I am always ready to accept people's reasons without asking "why" repeatedly.

What has to suck more than anything is when a person becomes friends on this site, yet chooses to ignore private messages, emails and texts, even those without a mention of NN, sexuality or any other "sensitive" content. I just don't understand!