Today I cremated my mother, and surprisingly It went realy well,

I know this will sound wierd but we all, that is my father, my brother, and myself, actually had a good day.
We said our good bye's but not the way most would, we where respectful, but we also celebrated her life.

All three of us spoke at the ceramony. We all then luaghed about the times we had spent with her. The last 5 month a thing of the past and for today at least forgotten. It was good to talk to people and family that we had not seen for a while recounting various tails. We all actually had a good time.

That is what she wanted and that is what she got (she always did get her way eventually)

Thank you to everyone on NN how as offered and given they're support It means a lot to me and has made this journey so much easier. If I could ever hug you all I would in a heartbeat..
Thank you.

Thank you to everyone for thier support in this difficult time. The funeral is tomorrow and therefor I doubt I will be on. Here is what I will be reading at the service:

Death is but a passing phase
I have slipped away into the next room
I am I, you are you
Whatever we were to each other that we still are
Call me by my old name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no xxxxxx air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together
Play, Smile, Think of me.
Pray for me.
Let my name be a household name, as it always was
Let it be spoken without effort.

Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near
Just around the corner.

All is well, nothing is past, nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before, only better, infinitely happier
And forever we will be one together in our hearts



Once again thank you all for your support it is really appreciated..

The sun was out
The sky was blue
You went away
And we all missed you
But through the clouds
It was your memories
That Broke the sadness
And shattered the haze.

I will miss you
So will we all
But I know in my heart
The pain will fall
As its your memories
That make me stand tall
That brake the sadness
And lifts us all.

Your heart never ended
Was always giving and full
That is my Memory
My memory of you
It will stay with me always
And help breaking the haze
For I love you mother
for all of my days. XXX

Today was a tuff day to get through... today was the day that the whole family where all together for the first time since my mother died. a family meal with all five of us, my father, my brother, his wife, my wife and myself with one empty chair.
Sorting out the the funeral, the plaque, then dinner and a toast to my mother...... I really struggled to keep my state of mind.
The 29th is going to be the hardest day of my life so far.... Thank god I have a family to lean against and them on me.
Thank you all for your support, my extended family without you all this would have been a 1000 times worse. If I could hug you all I would.
;0} x x x

My mother passed away last night.

I LOVE YOU MOTHER x x x

For those who have given me word of support and have taken the time to read the drivel that I write I thank you all.
My time is going to be limited or NN for a while as my mother is now entering the last stages of her life.... the general consensus is less than 2 weeks but she is a stubborn woman and she would drag it out for at least 1 more day just to say I told you so.... .Although I have known for some time that this day was coming I was hoping for longer... My only conciliation would be the fact that she would no longer be in pain.... I have said it before and I will repeat it now I love my mother...... For all those that have lost a close friend or a mother stroke father... I know you do cope but at this moment I don't know how. She had always been my friend, my confidante, my rock and in essence the man I am today.... these tears should be in celebration of the life she had and the people she touched upon the way but for now they are for my sorrow at losing her and a large piece of my life. I will be spending as much time as humanly possible with her between now and the day so I apologise to all my friends here for the lack of comment and witty humour (at least I think I'm witty) and I will be back from time to time to make sure you are all behaving so be warned!!!!!
That’s it for now apart from to say once again. THANK YOU ALL

It was a warm summers evening and for a change I decided to take a walk along the beach. The sun was setting and the sky was a crimson red, reflecting of the waves. Looking out to see I could see the last of the surfers catching what little waves there where.

Not really playing attention, just strolling along, not knowing that my life would change for ever this very night…
For in 5 minutes I was about to be taken, on a roller coaster ride to heights of ecstasy and passion that I had never ever dreamt of, nor had I believed where humanly possible.

I turned around as the last glimmers of the sun kissed the top of the waves and noticed there was no one else around, even the surfers had had enough and gone. There was a chill in the air so I turned up my collar and quickened my pace to get back to the car. As I got to the car park the street lights came on casting their strange orange glows across it. There were only two cars left in the car park, mine and what looked like a silver BMW, the colour hard to tell as the lights mask it, but I digress, anyway as I approached my car I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of a slim shadowy figure walking towards me, I carried on fumbling in my jacket pocket to find the key hoping to get the car open and me inside before they got here. My heart rate was quickening, where’s that damn key I thought, ah got it, I pressed the button and the indicators flashed, adding two quick bursts of light. These where enough to light up the car park just a little more and stopped me in my tracks… The shadowy figure that was approaching was in fact a woman. For some reason, I don’t to this day know why, this gave me an air of confidence. I took a deep breath and stood up straight and turned to the shadow. She was now only a couple of feet away and was, from what I could see a very slender woman about 5’10” I thought, with long hair half way down her back glinting in the lights of the car park. For some reason I also noticed her black high heeled boots although she must have been light on her feet as I hardly heard her steps on the concrete of the car park floor.

Now facing her I summonsed my breath and xxxxxx it through my dry throat “evening” I said “bit chilly” I added trying to be calm. I could now smell her perfume as it caressed my senses, a heady mix of flowers and fruit mixed with a smell I couldn’t quite grasp but none the less a sweet smell. She took an extra couple of steps forward and now I could see her face clearly, her eyes looked lost and I could see she had been crying as the mascara has run a little at the sides of her eyes. She had what could only be described as a beautiful face, if not a tad forlorn at this moment. She spoke in a quiet voice with a little shake in the tone “I have lost my keys for my car and…” she stopped, what was she going to say, what had made her stop in her tracks…. She lifted her hand up to the side of my face and with the back of her surprisingly warm fingers caressed my cheek in a downward gentle motion. My pulse began to flutter as I took hold of her hand, in a soft voice I gently spoke “ and?” she looked puzzled then almost as if coming out of a dream she shivered and quickly withdrew her hand “ I’m sorry “ she exclaimed, “don’t be I quickly replied” and she laughed. She had such a heart-warming laugh it made me feel like just wrapping her up in my arms and hugging her tightly.
“It’s so weird; I thought you were someone else, I am so sorry, my name is Alicia that car over there is mine but I can’t find the blasted key and my phone is dead. Have you got one I can use so that I can get my parents to go over to my place and get my spare?” not one to miss an opportunity to do a good dead I plucked some breath from deep in my lungs and replied “not a problem I don’t have a phone either but where do you live I could run you up there and get your keys and bring you back?” She seemed hesitant and to be fair I don’t blame her but she said thank you and agreed. We got in the car and started to drive to her flat. On the way we started talking, nothing much just idle small talk but I felt a connection. She must have felt it as well as we started laughing about little things, I have no idea what now that I look back, but it was the kind of laugh you hear between to people who have connected.. We put some music on and she carried on giving me direction.

Eventually we reached her flat. It was in a small block of 6 and looked nice enough. “I’ll wait here” I said…“don’t be silly” she quickly replied with a smile on her face “I won’t have it, come on up” so I turned the engine off and we got out of the car. The night had caught up on us and the wind had quite a chill “are you sure” I murmured and if she heard me or not she just smiled and grabbed my hand and lead me to the door..” I’ve only lived here 3 weeks so you will have to excuse the mess” she giggled “you’re the first person apart from me who has seen my little piece of heaven” I had only 10 minutes ago meet this woman and yet already I am a first in her life I thought to myself, what am I doing. By this time I was too far in to this ride to care about stopping and getting off.
We climbed the stairs two at a time just like two school children rushing to get to their favourite class. We got to her door and she stopped reached into her bag got the key out and turned to me “remember it’s only been 3 weeks” she then excitedly turned and in one swift move put the key in the look turned and flung open the door “TA TA” she exclaimed like she had just opened a Christmas present “well what do you think?” she asked inquisitively “Isn’t it just perfect” She spun around with her arms outstretched getting faster and faster until giddy with joy and the spinning she stumbled. I reached out and caught her as she fell. “My hero, twice in one day” she giggled and planted a kiss smack on my lips. I stood her up quickly; this is way too fast, my heart beating like a runaway train, she look startled and the smile vanished from her lips, “I’m sorry” she said in a quietly scared voice “I don’t know why I did that”.
Was it me or were we both just getting carried away…. “I’m not” I whispered as I took her arms and brought her closer to me. My mind was running over time, you have only just meet her, you don’t know her where just some of the thing going through it but at this point I didn’t care I just wanted to feel her soft lips against mine again. I pulled her in tight and moved to kiss her lips hoping, no praying that she wouldn’t pull away. Then, when my lips finally caressed against her that was it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood tall and we kissed lips locked together hands exploring the contours of each other’s bodies for what seemed a life time. When we did finally part I saw in her eyes that she wanted the same as I did, so in on swift move so as to not lose that moment I swopped down and lifted her into my arms turned swiftly towards what I thought was the bedroom and kicked open the door...... She laughed out loud and I felt her body bubble against mine “that’s the airing cupboard” she giggled trying to keep a straight face “you want the one on the right” I laughed and pushed open the right door this time.
The room was very sparse but it had a bed and at this moment that was all I needed. I placed her on the bed and and just stopped to look into her eyes, they were the deepest ocean blue and so full of sensuality and lust my heart must have stopped for just a second as I took this moment in “ you are beautiful” I whispered. She closed her eyes and smiled then put her arms around my neck and pulled me on to the bed “thank you” she whispered in my ear before gently nibbling on it. We caressed each other’s bodies with our hands as we rolled around in throws of passion on the bed. Our clothes being ripped from our bodies and thrown around the room without a care for where they landed. At one point I had just struggle to remove her blouse and there she was straddled across my chest with just her black and purple lacy bra and her soft skin bearing down on me like and angel from above. She looked down with a soft sensual look and angelically whispered “do you like what you see” I was so struck by her beauty and the situation I could only nod and then we were back to our passionate shredding of cloth skin to reveal what nature had given us.

Once completely naked we held each other just kissing and absorbing the sensation of our skin melting into one. I had never meet anyone like her, skin as soft as velvet an body shaped with more curves than a Venus di Milo, she must have been crafted in the realms of heaven itself and she was here with me.
I rolled her over and pinned her down holding her arms above her head, she did not struggle just revealed in the moment and in anticipation of what would I do next. I gentle lowered my head towards her perfect breast and her very hard erect nipple, she wriggled and tried to raise it to meet my eager mouth but I pulled away. She lowered back down then I quickly darted my tongue across her sensitive nipple, she let out a small high pitched squeal and wriggled some more, playfully trying to get free. I darted my tongue across her nipple again and again she squealed. “stop teasing” she moaned so being the obedient man I am and engulfed as much as I could of her supple breast in my mouth and sucked softly caressing her nipple with my tongue “oooooo that feels sooo nice” she passionately moaned go down further. I let go of her arms and following the curves of her body with my tongue I made my way to her sensual clit. As I got nearer I could smell the sweet nectar that I so desperately wanted to taste and could feel her juices slipping over my chest as I caressed her body with mine… This woman was amazing and she was all mine even if it was only for tonight and if that were to be true I was going to make it the best night of my life.
Her clit glistened in the light of the moon beaming through the bedroom window. I stopped just for a second to take in the beauty of the moment and the sweet smell of her most intimate area. I still couldn’t believe this was happening but did not want to lose a minute more and so I gently parted her lips with my thumbs and softly caressed her pink, wet, sweet clit with my tongue. As I did so she thrust her pelvis hard into my open mouth, that was it I could hold back no more and furiously began devouring her making sure not to lose a single drop of her sweat nectar nor to neglect a single mm of her clit or womanhood. I was in heaven and judging from the moans and writhing going on Alicia was there with me. After about 20 minutes she pulled me back up to her mouth and kissed me long hard and deep….”mmm I taste good, I have never tasted my own juices” she purred “ I want you now” she cheekily growled. I defy a man to be able to resist, I know I wouldn’t. She rolled me on my back and positioned herself above my throbbing cock, she grinned lowering her slender, sensual body until the tip of my cock just touched her wet pussy then she pulled away “my turn” she giggled referring to my early teasing. I tried to look forlorn but she caught me off guard and suddenly dropped her body on to my cock. It slid in and was completely engulfed in the feeling of the warm and wet juices instantly wanting more… She gasped and through her head back , the pleasure was intense for us both and as we picked up a faster and faster rhythm the crescendo of passion built to such an intense level that , to me, there was no other point in time just us, and here, a moment of pure adrenaline and smells and feeling that I had never experienced in all my life and through it all I heard her cry out “I’m there, now please NOW” I could hold on no longer, nor did I wish to and exploded my full load in to her as we both shook and writhed in the moment of pure ecstasy.
With my still hard cock inside her and a mix of our cum dripping out of her pussy she collapsed on top of me exhausted. We lay there shaking in the aftershocks or an orgasm gently caressing each other until Alicia looks up at me with a twinkle in her eye “we best go get my car”.

That is exactly what we did. We cleaned up grabbed our clothes and walked gingerly back to my car. On the journey back to the car park we barely said a word to each other in stark contrast to the journey out instead we just looked at the road ahead and smiled that ‘cat got the cream’ smile al the way back. When we got to the car park she leaned across and kissed me on the cheek “thank you” she said. Got out of my car unlocked hers and turned, waved, got in and drove off.

On the drive back to my house I thought to myself did that just happen…. I then catch a glimpse of my cat like grin in the mirror… I guess it did…

THE END.

I hope you liked it

;0} x x x

Well may be that because it is.... not a lot to say, life plodding on.... but for teh ray of sunshine that is NN pretty dull really.. (boy don't I sound like a barrel of laughs)

There are a couple of people on this site that I am so glad i have had the pleasure to chat with, you know who you are I hope. The addictiveness of it all is starting to interfer with work but thats life and I cant see that ever changing for me because the friends make it worth more...

Well at least I have put something down so until next time ... be naughty be nice but most of all be yourself!!

;0} x x x

Hello all,

Thank you to everyone who has been so kind over the last week. Just knowing your thoughts has been a very great help.

My mother has deteriated a lot over the last week or so.

I am now excepting the way this is going to be from now on and therefor I am taking every opertunity to enjoy her company whilst I can and be there to support my father through everything.

Some might say I have found my mojo..... personally I have just put my brain in order and ready again to deal with life. However wierd it may get!!!

Thank you all for your concern and your thoughts. They mean a lot...

Thanks for reading

;0} x x x

Went to see my mother today, its less than a week since I last saw her and my god she has got worse, I know she has reliased what is happening and eventualy what the outcome is going t be but to see someone that you love deteriate and effectively dissintagrate before your eyes it kills you inside.
I cant show this to her though she needs to feel that its all goood even if deepo down I am sure she knows what I am feeling we both put on our best faces for each other.
Her voice is getting slured when she talks now as she doesnt have the strength to control her own thoughts through her body.
I am also now worring that it is becoming to much for my day, He had a major heart operation just over a year ago and now he is starting to get heart twinges again. This is not what was supossed to happen, Life is so cruel and at the moment I have had my fill of it........
Sorry not a good day. It started so well but I cant help feeling helpless and it is killing my resolve....
I'm going to leave it here as it is all starting to get a bit muddled and my emotions are getting the better of me.

Thank you for reading and sorry for ranting it is my way of dealing with a very tuff period in my life.

I WILL SURVIVE!!!!! ;0} x x x