gday everybody,

figured it was time i updated here. i'm off to sydney on tuesday for work but back wednesday. not looking particularly forward. work trips mean getting up early, travelling on planes and in taxis, seeing the insides of offices and seeing the inside of a hotel room. in theory, i will see a friend in sydney for dinner but that'll depend on what time i finish at the client site, and what time he can get away from work. i hate work trips. because of end of financial year approaching i couldn't even delay it till the friday so i could at least stay the weekend interstate.

apart from that, works mostly ok. i deal with lots of idiots who don't read the manual and don't want to read anything except ask someone else to do it, and despite the clients having their own level 1 techs, and their resellers level 2 techs, they think it best to come straight to us with stuff that's in the manual. and so this week, the level of idiots has been higher than normal. i really don't understand the how and why someone can call themselves a tech, be paid for being a tech, if they don't know how to search google. seriously, its 2011. is it really that hard now?

outside of work, life is good. i'm smiling a lot. some of the compliments from you ladies on here have me walking on air i swear. i have bumps on my head from hitting the light fittings to prove it even. really, you say the nicest things to me, that i don't think i deserve or warrant, and so it makes me smile

i didn't do a lot over the long weekend just gone. was lazy and stayed home and did some washing and tidying and took it super easy. didn't have to do anything specific so decided not to. i did take verification pics but they haven't been approved yet its so unsexy taking verification pics. well those ones anyway. any volunteers to help me take better ones? lol i can dream i guess


peace everybody

crap. how do i tell a mate that he can't crash the night tomorrow, because i wanna get online and oggle the ladies on here?

wow its been ages since i updated. i'll see if i can be more regular for a while.

it's been a good week. i surprised myself and made new friends. it's not that common for me, so it's been nice. nothing too bad has gone wrong at work or outside of work even. little things like normal but nothing major. nothing that seems to be weighing on me anyway.

tonight i'm heading out to see some friends for our monthly drinks, then home and hopefully bed early because tomorrow i'm up early to go get some Jordans. at least thats the plan. if anyones interested, the Jordan 3 Trueblues, Jordan 12 Lows (black/taxi) or (black/red), and the Denim AF1 Supreme all get released tomorrow. there's something else too but can't remember it now.

ny hair's starting to shit me. i used to (long time ago) have a ponytail, which i'd kept for many years, because it was easy and i just got used to it. and then i cut it all off to get work, and kept my hair short for the last 10 years or so. typically buzz cut short. #1 or #2s. work like it. most people like it really. its certainly convenient. i get up looking the same as i went to bed. i can wear beanies and hoods and i take it off and look the same. easy. but recently for reasons i dont really understand i thought maybe it's time to grow it again. my dad has a thinning spot, and my brother has a really high hairline thats because his hair was always long and tied back too, so out of the three of us, i have the most hair, and whilst i dont really mind having a shaved head, i'm kinda glad to still have my hair. at least its my choice. so yeah, why not grow it while i still can? well the reason boys and girls is that now when i wake up in the morning, i look like edward scissorhands. its now long enough to stay up if i push it up, even if that means i look like i stuck my finger in the power socket lol i have a habit of rubbing my hands through my hair so it looks like i really love power sockets a lot this now means i'm reconsidering my idea of growing it again. shaving my head just makes life so much easier. but my grandma (101) prefers me to have hair, i get treated nicer by strangers when i have hair, and it's a lot warmer in melbournes winter.

i guess if these are the hardest decisions i have to face at the moment, then i shouldnt complain. life could be worse.

well i better go catch a tram. inspired by a friend, here's a video that itunes randomly shuffled to as i typed.

[url]https://youtu.be/QA4xJAnhb7A[/url]

an oldie but a goodie.

have a good weekend everybody

hi everybody,

well the sydney trip went very well until i tried to come home early. i had to wait around the airport from 9:30 till 1pm before i could get on a flight as a standby. i had a fully flexible ticket for later that day so i wasn't asking the impossible but they'd had a chaotic morning with several cancellations i think so for several hours i hung out in the lounge and read my book. sydney was ok i guess. i got to have an easy three days but its kind of boring also. my friends were at work, and i just had to wander around the city by myself, and i've been to sydney enough times that i've already seen the parts of the city i've wanted to see. now its more of the same. it was good to see my friends though after they finished work.

i saw district 9 on saturday night. its very good. deserving of the hype. ask the internet if you need a 2nd opinion but it'll agree with me. just go see it if you can.

i have nothing big planned this week at all. go to work, come home, eat, sleep, go to work again. my best friend at work is planning to flee (working at the same spot) very soon now and thats going to be annoying (but good for him at the same time). it might happen this week even so not super looking forward to that.

have a good week everybody

hi everybody,

its been wet and cold everytime i looked outside today, so i stayed inside and did very little. watched some tv, surfed the web, tidied up a bit, tagged and renamed some files - generally i rested

still, having done nothing, i still think that weekends are too short and i shouldn't have to work on mondays

peace

hi everybody,

shit its half way through the year and i've barely posted

Grandma was doing really well but now she's back to average. the hip transplant went well, really really well, and she was making an excellent recovery. and then she slipped in the bathroom and now has a hairline fracture of the pelvis. that's led to painkillers and more hospital, and to the discovery that she's lost her balance and will prob need care for the rest of her life, which means she prob isn't going to be able to live independently anymore, which is the last thing she wanted. she's alive but if she can't live at home, i suspect she won't want to be alive. doh!

i've been sick again. i slacked off on my trying to eat healthy campaign and my body reminded me it wants to be healthy. so its my own fault. still hurts though. i need a nurse, full time, to follow me around and remind me to eat, and to do my exercises, and to do all that stuff the doctor says i should be doing.

i'm in sydney for the end of next week. i'm busy during the day, but night times are flexible if anyone (female) wanted to tkae advantage of me having a hotel room at the airport

peace

hi everybody,

since i was here i thought i should update. turned 37 the day before last. cant say i feel heaps different to 36, or even 29. i got myself a tattoo for my birthday. i doubt i'll post it here - bit too identifying. didn't hurt at all which was a surprise. i expected more pain.

had some old school friends contact me (via another site not related to nn thankfully) but not sure why. its been 20 years and they've had no reason to contact me, and really i hadn't though about them since high school so i doubt i'll make contact back. high school was not the best time of my life, and i've tried to forget it and move on, so really not that interested in reliving old memories and trying to smile like everything's good now. i'll probably get a lot more of these kind of msgs this year as it's 20 years since graduation

going out next sat to drink cocktails for my bday. looking forward to that. went to the same bar last night as 'practice' but it was just an excuse. haven't been there much this year so far but last year my friends and i were there a lot. bit slow moving this morning but i wasn't drunk. i prob will be next week though

peace

merry xmas everybody!

happy new year everybody!

happy australia day/invasion day everybody!

(did i miss any?)


i should keep this more updated. i'm 37 in barely a week. where does the time go? apart from being more breakable, more aware that i'm breakable, forgetful, not as fit, not as skinny, not as healthy, not as energetic and not as stupid, i don't feel a bit different to when i was 16

Once again it's managed to be a while between updates. But at least I have news this time. I had to go to Perth for a wedding and managed to race down to see grandma for a night. She's doing really well imho. She's 99 in Feb. so considering she still lives in her house with her blind 70? yo son, I think she's remarkable. She a little deaf, and find it harder to walk than she used to, but still given her age I think she's pretty agile. you guys don't need to know details about her, so I'll summarize it all with she's good and I hope she lives forever, but I know she won't so it was good to see her for the short time I did. I'd have been kicking myself if she died between now and the next time I get to see her, and I had chosen *not* to go see her this time. That'd suck.

So after going to see her, my parents dropped me off at the chosen hotel where I did the ironing and tried to slow down enough to get to bed early enough to be able to get up without too much pain at 4:40am the next day. My "won't-need-much-ironing shirt" and "wont-need-ironing trousers" are both fails. I ironed and ironed and all they looked like was that they needed more ironing. Pretty poor considering I chose them especially for their no/low ironing requirements. So at 0430hrs my alarm went off, and then at 0431 the wakeup call went off, and again at 0445hr by which time I was up and moving slowly.

The wedding was different but a complete success. The service started at 6am, timed to coincide with the sun rising at 6:21?am. Then a big breakfast at 8am before moving onto a nearby Irish pub at 11am. Everyone (including me) was quite bleary eyed at 5:30 or so when I arrived. The groom was waiting nervously and people were trying to keep their little kids awake and it was quite cold too until the sun actually came up. From the park, we went to the breakfast and gorged ourselves with all kinds of buffet servings. I started with two plates of meat and deep fried goodness, then one of pancakes and fruit before finally finishing with muffins. then about half of the breakfast crowd moved on to the pub where we tried our hardest to dent a large bar tab. unfortunately for my plans, a lot of the people known to like a drink were xxxxxx to do other activities in the afternoon by their well intentioned but slightly weird mother, and so I didn't really have anyone to drink hard with, which in the long run was probably a good thing. I drank steadily all day but remained the model of a well behaved citizen at all times. Even in the taxi back to the hotel at 5pm the driver said I seemed quite sober considering how long I'd been there. The barman did start serving a water chaser with my straight spirits after 4hrs - the responsible liquor serving laws now in place enforce it. I kinda understand why those laws are in place, but boy life was a lot more fun when they weren't in place.

Once back in the hotel, I rested for a while (I'd been up since 430am!) before trying to catch up with a new friend for dinner and more. The gods conspired against us so went to visit another old friend for a drink and TV before heading back to the hotel about midnight and going straight to sleep.

In the morning, I tidied up and checked out and went to visit an aunty of mine who'll be dead soon. I think she has cancer. Not really sure. mum and dad haven't come straight out and said she was dying until recently so I forgot the details. They've mostly skipped over it in emails and conversations. Now she's likely to be dead before Easter. It's a bit weird, I know kinda what I'm supposed to feel knowing that one of my parents siblings is dying, but I don't really feel anything. She's particularly religious, and I'm particularly not, and her religion of choice is one that I particularly have issues with, and since at times she actually was the Sunday school teacher, we generally just have superficial conversations about nothing of depth. It was all going fine anyway until she dropped me to my friends and started with the religion on the drive home. Then it just got difficult. I tried to be as polite as I could. She's my aunt, she's dying, and she's religious. but when I bought up anything as to why I wasn't being a devout practicing Christian, and what I consider to be good reasons for not believing in the exact same things as her, she just brushed them aside with 'oh I just have faith and don't generally pay attention to that side of things'. Some of these things are pretty central to the core of her chosen boss. Actually now remembering as I type, over lunch she's pushed an agenda by another aunt of mine who wants me to completely forget that she (2nd aunt) totally betrayed my trust years ago and to pretend it never happened. She (1st aunt) did that over lunch *sigh* the definition of forgiveness according to the 2nd aunt (relayed by first) is not to wish ill will or harm to the person seeking forgiveness. Well according to that definition, she was forgiven maybe 48hrs after the event. It doesn't (generally) take me too long to cool down and be rational after a disruption. However, just because I'd forgiven then or now, I don't see any reason why I have to welcome her into my life. I talk happily with her husband at family events (the few I go to being the other side of the country anyway) I just don't talk to her beyond the pleasantries that one must do when greeting and fare welling family, or at least not in any depth on anything personal. So I was probably on guard from that point anyway. Trying to get back on track, the final thing she said was she'd see me in heaven. I hoped I looked positive about it but on the inside I thought that was funny. Almost everyone who known me since I was young doubts that I'm going anywhere (if anywhere actually exists after death) except down. One of the comments today was "don't they have a special level reserved just for you?" and he only knows of basic rumors. I've been trying to turn my life around and be different from what I was, and I've been pretty successful for a decade if I do say so myself, but all of that change is still not going to reverse my ticket. and besides, if her god is in charge, and it's like they say it is, well besides being (very) surprised, I'm not sure I'd fit in anyway.

Anyway, I tried to be good and not argue too much (she bought up religion not me) and then she dropped me off at my friends place. I dumped my bags there and tried to catch a cab to the city. That was too hard (because it's Perth) so I caught a bus instead. I then caught another bus to harbour town (because I'm lazy) and wandered around there. Surprisingly I bought no new Nikes from the Nike warehouse there. I generally get a pair because they have stuff that Melbourne doesn't sometimes but not this time. Some nice-ish samples but weren't really my thing so didn't even try them on. I did buy a large fur-lined-hooded jacket (bit like an m65? with hood) on sale down to $100. Quite happy with that choice even though it now prob won't get worn till march/April. Then back to the city and walked around a lot and purchased little.

Then it was off to my friends to pick up my bags, then to Mexican to catch up with the same group of people I always catch up with which was excellent. I love seeing them all. we've been friends now for so long (since high school in some cases) that everyone just gets along and there's no silences and everyone remembers different parts of the same tales, and it's what I miss most about being this side of the country. That they're not here too. When we're all together it just feels like everything's alright with the world I guess. It's hard to put into specific words.

From there it was off to the airport where I checked in so late I couldn't get a window seat but I managed to get the final two seats by myself so at least I could stretch out a little. A long flight home and we were at the airport before the shops there woke up. I hate that. Always reminds me of the actual time, and worse, it reminds me that I shouldn't be awake to see it. I decided to be lazy and catch the taxi all the way home, rather than cheaper bus and then a cab. I was dead tired and just wanted to get home as quick as possible. I'd had enough travel and was looking forward to sleeping in my bed.

So there you go. Lots of news. Well a large amount of newsworthy items in a small space of time. Besides all the above, life's been mostly boring and ordinary. I've been to Sydney maybe 5 or 6 times since the last update, all work related trips and most up and back on the same day. Works been soso. One of the sales people has chosen me as her punching bag, and since she does it normally, I know it's not just because she's pregnant, but the ferocity recently as reached new levels. She's due in maybe a month or less, and it's like she's dealing with her stress by choosing to yell at me. She apologies to other people about it later, but not to me. shit she's supposed to be dealing with the team leader anyway - it's his job to yell at me if needed, or my manager, but she waits for the other manager to go away (work/annual leave) and then rev's it up again.

The depressions played up a bit. Mostly bad play rather than good play. Works contributing a bit I think but mostly it's just my head being messed up. I made a really stupid mistake, easily makeable but one I should have caught, and it had annoying consequences and worse, affected other people. I tore myself to strips over that. Just sent my mood plummeting. It was a mistake, not deliberate at all, just a mistake. But it started the voices off big time and they just picked and picked at my head until it was all too much. Eventually I had to leave work and take some time out from everybody/thing and tried to remember that my head would eventually outvote the voices and it'd be ok again. It's easy in hindsight to observe patterns in my behavior, like knowing the voices would die off, but when I start on that slide down I find it a lot harder to remember that it will get better. I found a new study (on antidepressants) that needed volunteers so I rang up to see what's involved, and whilst we worked out that I wasn't in a suitable state that could have participated in the trial, the lady on the phone thought I should at least go see the dr involved in the study. So I went off to my regular doc, and got the referral, then rang the machine, and waited, and they called back and said they had no new slots available and I thought that was it, but then they rang back with an appointment time a month away, but the catch is that he's costly. I'm looking at between $340-610? per session. That's enough to cause depression I reckon. I don't have that kind of money around, even when we're talking about my health. I just don't have it. Some months I'm lucky to have $400 as play money for the month after expenses and bills, and it's rarely in one spot. It's normally dribs and drabs as I juggle the rent money coming in fortnightly and the expenses going out mostly once-a-monthly. So while I have the appointment still at the moment, I think I'm going to cancel next week cos I just can't see the money being in one spot when I need it. I discovered this before when the depression kicked in big time maybe 8 then 3? years ago. When you're unemployed, there's heaps of time and programs and funding that you can use to help treat depression. But if you're employed, you lose access to the funding, and can't take time off work constantly to see Drs and go to programs and stuff. And so you just have to battle through it or quit. Sigh.

hi everybody,

well i'd just about managed to turn a week of nothing really into almost something worth reading, and i mispressed the wrong combination of keys and it reloaded the page and lost my text i don't have time now to retype it all, and luckily it was boring anyway and made for uninteresting text, so you'll have to make do with this "it should have been interesting" post


peace

hi everybody,

well the weekends been and went and i thought that was enough of a reason to do an update. plus it's only been a few days since the last one so that'll make it seem like i'm being regular and all and maybe it'll fool my brain into remembering to do an update again sooner (as opposed to later).

the weekend was ok. on friday night, and this is going to so id me if any of my RL friends read it (but on that matter, if my RL friends are here reading, they should have already guessed that this is the type of site i'd have a membership too and thus they shouldn't be that shocked to discover i've been blogging here as well), i had a ".5" birthday. eg - i turned 36.5 and no it wasn't just a cheap excuse to goto my favourite cocktail bar and drink cocktails. it was um...a legitimate gathering of a few likeminded individuals to celebrate the halfway point between my last birthday and my next birthday so there as maybe 20people spread over the night. there was some who were expected and who didn't turn up, and then quite a few who weren't expected and did turn up. the only downside was that they called on time and said they'd be there in minutes, and then turned up 2 hrs later, and then they spent half the night in the smoking section out the front, so the chairs we had reserved on their behalf were eyed off by the punters and more than a few times we had to say "i'm sorry but yes they are all reserved and all those people are out the front smoking". i know i know i shouldn't complain, it was good to see them, and a surprise to see them too, but next time i'll just keep seats for the people not smoking. if you're not sitting down more than you stand, you don't get a chair kept. i think what i learned out of this was that that group of friends (who turned up late) don't really appreciate cocktails. they're more the beer drinking type. which i am not. never really have been either but that's not relevant to this story. the friends who did turn up on time and who were the cocktail drinking type also enjoyed themselves and enjoyed their comfy seating too. I called it quits about midnight which is pretty early but i was starting to feel the week catching up with me, and all my closest friends were leaving for the last train home (and which took them past my house on the walk) so i went home too.

then saturday and sunday i basically slept late and pottered around the house and chatted online and didn't do much at all. i knew if i left the house i'd spend money i don't have on things i don't need (and didn't want until i saw them) so it was cheaper and safer to stay home where i couldn't really get into trouble. i recently purchased GTA: San Andreas for the xbox so playing that a fair bit. i've already had it on the pc but i wanted it for the xbox just cos it's so easy to sit in front of the heater and play xbox whereas on the pc i tend to work or chat. i find it hard to play games on pc because i'm always thinking of things i should be doing or there are things i think of and want to look up (dictionaries/wiki/that kind of thing) and lots of the games don't like it when you alt+tab to firefox and then back again. they (the games) aren't really conductive to a multitasking workflow. they're more a single focused task kind of thing. and my mind doesn't focus very well on just the one thing. but i can xbox i don't know why. actually thinking about it even on the xbox i tend to pause and wander off to do productive things a lot. i think its just one of my hangups really. i should be working, or at least being productive with my time, not gaming, not lounging out in front of the tv. even though really what i should be doing is relaxing and de-stressing and enjoying myself. i have a massive file collection and i tend to use it as a um..target of my wanting to be productive and it also takes care of some of my obsessive compulsive habits. my mp3 collection is the most organised sorted formatted collection you'll find. i ripped all my cd's some years ago and since then i've been tagging and correcting the names and adding album covers and all that kind of anal stuff that only another obsessive compulsive could appreciate. i won't go into numbers but there's "a lot". i used to be on first name basis with my local cd stores, and could run a tab between paydays. i'd be the guy in the music store that the staff would ask questions of if they didn't know the answer to a customers questions. i'm good at remembering information that is unimportant and trivial. have troubles remembering my name and numbers are horrible, but if its not important, and unlikely to be asked about at a trivia night, then its probable that i've remembered it. so grabbing the wheel and pulling hard to the right to try and get back onto the track i was on, i played a lot of GTAA on the weekend as well as pottering around and tidying and washing and chatting. really an unexciting weekend.

i rang my grandma on thursday. just to say hi. she was ok but her leg was giving her lots of pain. she'd just been to the doctor a day before to get a quarterzone? (i'm sure it's not spelt like that but this editor doesn't have a spell checker) injection and that had only worked for the day. she's 98 but we all want (including her) for her to hang on to get the telegram from the queen (when she turns 100) (and of course we'd all like her to continue on to 200 but we're also realistic)
. be nice to have the time and money to fly back to see her more regularly but i'm also realistic just predicting the future for a moment, i'm sure mum and dad will try to forbid me going to the funeral out of a sense of save the money and grandma herself would probably be mad at me if i flew over just for her funeral. i wasn't allowed (and couldn't afford) to go home for grandpa's. i'd have loved to have gone even if i could somehow magically come up with airfares and time off work but mum/dad/grandma all said i wasn't to. another predicting the future moment, it won't be long before airfares become so expensive that it returns to being a luxury thing. normal people will stop flying to visit family and friends and for weekend holidays. the cost of things was supposed to come down in the future remember? and now we're living in the future and its just going upwards. oh sorry silly me its not the ticket cost going up, its the fuel surcharge, and the noise tax, and the airport tax, and the waiting in line tax, and the paying with credit card over the internet (that was also going to be free and easy in the future) tax, and the we haven't thought of it but when we do we'll tell you tax. *sigh* sorry mini rant about how its hard to see my grandma when she's far away and the airfares just keep going up. i'm trying to work out how i can see her when i go home in november for that wedding. have i mentioned this already? i think i have somewhere. anyway, in case i have i'll not babble further on it, but i do really hope she makes her telegram, and that i get to see grandma sooner than later.


actually looking back it seems like a whole page of babble so i'll end up there. its hard to make it sound exciting and actionpacked. its not. i'm still boring.


peace