I'm lying in bed and all of a sudden I start thinking about how my son deserves a better dad than me. I think he deserves someone that can play with him, be there with him, that helps put him to bed with his mummy.
I wonder if he thinks I'm a failure as a daddy like I do.
I think I'm doing the best I can, but what if I can or should do more? Is he going to resent me?
I'm lying in bed crying for the first time in ages, I feel like I don't know which way is up. How do I turn this around? Is it normal to feel this way?
I'm not fishing for comments, I just wanted to get these thoughts out my head and written down.

I went on holiday 3 days after the car episode. While i was away i found myself thinking about this girl while i was sunbathing listening to music. When i got back we started texting again. My wife was poorly with swine flu so we usually sent about 150 txts to each other a day while i was off. We sent pictures to each other as well as talked about everything, not just sex.
When i got back to work we continued to meet on a morning for coffee then kiss as we took the lift to our floor. Then when she left i would head out with her and we would kiss again in the lift. Even when her husband picked her up from work we would be kissing right up to when she got to where he picked her up from.
There was a few times where i would pick her up and take her to work, the first time i did that i got there within 5 minutes of her husband leaving for work. When i got there we kissed then my hands ran to her ass , i then sucked on her nipples and bit her neck. I pushed her back onto her sofa and started to taste her pussy. It was so sweet, i was able to push my tongue in her and suck on her clit as i used my fingers as well. As i was eating her i unzipped myself then after she came i teased her by pushing my cock inside her, i just left it there and then pulled out and went back to eating her.
On the way into work we talked about if we could ever be just friends again. We both thought that we could.
This went on for the next two months, then she went on holiday. When
she came back she had an appointment at the hospital as she was trying
for a baby with her hubby. Well i didnt hear anything from her when she
got back. On her first day back at work i still hadnt heard anything from
her she then told me that the news at the hospital wasnt good and that
we needed to stop. The texts stopped as much and we went back to just being friends. When she left work i wasnt sure if she wanted me to walk out with her still but she did. She still wanted me there. Ovrr thr next few months the flirting was still there but not as much. It had been replaced by a tension, there was things we needed to talk about but didnt.
I met her for a coffee in town one weekend and she looked amazing. When i told her tjis she said that she had to make the effort, i mean why? It was 2 friends having a coffee.
A few days after that she said she had some books to bribg in for a charity day at work and she wasnt sure how she would get them in on the bus. I offered her a lift which she accepted. That morning she looked as beautiful as ever. I was sure she was doing it on purpose. Anyway i restrained myself and helped her bring the books in. That night i asked her if i could pick her up again as it might be for the last time. She said ok, i then asked if she would wear a certain outfit even down to tje underwear for that day. She said she would think about it and i would find out in the morning.
Morning came, and sure enough she was wearing the dress i asked for. We sat together on the sofa and talked. It all felt right. As we left we kissed as passionately as we ever had done. At work we were very close without getting intimate again. We went out for lunch together and we talked about how being together felt right. She said she knew but it was wrong. As i dropped her off at work i asked if she was even wearing the underwear i asked for as well. She gave me a look that had i got at her jouse i would have kissed her and took the dress off!! She got out of the car and said yes she was.
That was the last proper conversation i ever had with her. November 2009.
The following week i heard nothing fron her, she had been moved to another dept that was starting up. I saw her twice but it was like she was avoiding me. Nothing for the next 4 weeks. The next thing i got from het was an email saying she needed space. Then nothing for another few weeks until i got an email asking that i didnt get in touch via phone or email ever again. No explanation just dont ever contact me again.
Last year her department moved so she now needed to ealk past where i worked at least twice a day. Well to this day she makes sure she doesnt look over to the branch as she walks past. Its like i dont exist anymore.

Why have i posted all this? Well i still.need to understand what happened. Only one person knows about this and they suggest it is guilt that is making her avoid me.
So that is it. How i lost my best friend, someone who helped me thru a lot amd said she would always be there

This follows pt1.
So i reply to her txt asking if this is a wind up and was she serious. She replies with yes howevet there are rules to follow. I tell her that yes i want to as i thought she was incredidbly sexy. So she replies with the rules that say it would be a one time only thing, either one of us can stop it at any time without giving an explanation.
The following morning when we met for coffee at work i asked if yesterday was a wind up she said no, and i started to feel myself getting hard. I was on a training course for the next 3 days so our texts got ruder and ruder talking about fantasies we have done and want to do. We yalked bout things with each other we never told anyone else before. On a thursday night while texting we decided to meet up that friday on our lunch and try to find somewhere private to go. All morning we were txting saying how much we were looking forward to this, lunch came she got in my car and i very nervously touched her thigh putting my hand under her dress as we drove out the car park.

I found an empty street, pulled over and we finally kissed it was amazing. As we kissed my hand ran up her leg some more and i could already feel how wet she was. I then pulled her breast from her bra and started to suck and bite it. She told me that was one of her biggest turn ons. We stsrted to kiss again as i slid a finger in her wet pussy. This was all feeling very good and amazing. We both heard a car drive past so we stopped and moved somewhere else. This time it was in a quiet street where all houses had larges hedges so no one could see us. We got back to where we were. Kissing, me sucking and biiting her nipples as i fingered her. I could feel her getting wetter and wetter her bofy started bucking as she bit her lip then she stopped, opened her eyes and looked all calm again. Me, i was bursting so i asked if she woukd nind if i unzipped myself for a moment as i was very uncomfortable in my trousers, she didnt mind. Once it was out she started to stroke it and the suck it. After a few minutes i told her that if she didnt stop soon id eant her to keep going till i came, she didny stop. A little while later i told her i was going to cum soon, she sucked harder and bett
er than brfore, so i came, she swollowed every drop had a little drink of water anf then we kissed. First time i had kissed a woman after she haf dwallowed my cum. We tried to compose ourselves as i drove back to work but it didnt work.

I am not sure how long it wil take for me to write this or what i hope to achieve from it.

Well back in 08 the company i worked for went thru a major restructure. In came this woman who just seemed different to the others in my dept. Anyway as the months went on i got to no her at work, about her husband etc. It turned out that she was like my wife so when my wife was ill i found myself talking to her for comfort amd support.

As the months went on we moved from just talking at work, to emailing at work, to texts outside of work. I changed teams however we kept getting closer and closer, she would bake things at home when her husband was working away and made a point of always bringing me some of what she baked.

So one day as the texts got flirtier i told her to ask me anything she wanted to, so she asked if i would ever cheat on my wife, my reply was if i did it would be with someone like her. The texts and comments at work were getting flirtier and flirtier. I was now meeting her every morning for a coffee before she started work.

One day i get a text from her saying, so we can stay friends would you like to fuck me to get rid of all this sexual tension so we can just be
friends.

My boss is going thru a bad break up and I have spent time taking to her bout what's happening. It's made me look at her in a different light as I have seen a very shy, sweet scared woman. I have also found myself wanting to have sex with her as she is very beautiful with a great body. Today I was sitting in her office thinking why can't I give u a hug and kiss, tell u it will be ok, and give u as much pleasure as I can. I have to make sure i cum every morning now so I don't get hard sitting opposite her!!!

There is also a dancer who works with us and she is very much young, toned, sexy bubbly personality. She is the kinda person u could never tire from seeing naked.

I have many happy wanking sessions thinking of these 2. Wish I could make it happen.

I am goingto start to write about something that happened over the course of 2009 and some of this year. It has led to me thinking this is the biggest mistake and regret of my life. I haven't told anyone this in full before. I am not expecting anyone to reply or give me advice on what happened. Just think I might feel better for gettin it all off my chest.
What happened has cost me my closest and best friend and pretty much ruined another close friendship.