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| Friday, July 6, 2007, 6:48:14 AM- Still Raining...Still Pouring | ||||
Hell of a week I say!! I've always been reluctant to talk openly about where I live cause I refer to it as "redneck nation". Me..by virtue of growing up in "redneck nation", then of course guess that makes me a redneck also. And guess like anywhere else, there are good things here. But the bad things are hard for me to deal with. For instance there will always be some redneck incidence raising it's ugly head, and though I've managed well to stay out of the fray....they caught up with me this week. Had to referee this recurring alcholic induced suicide threat by a family member....which by the way is getting so damn old. And on the other side of town, had to moderate a potential small race war issue. The unspoken rules of "redneck nation" states that I cannot be critical of where I grew up or my family. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the first opportunity I get, I will move as far away as possible. May as well. Cause I also broke another rule that completing college makes you "uppidy" "above my raisin" so not like I've been so popular here anyway. It's awful to be treated like a criminal just because you wanted to get away from the trailor park. And even worse...live in a trailor behind your mom's house. And don't get me wrong. If this is your lifestyle and you love it, then more power to you. But to be hated...just cause you want something different...that's hard to deal with. But I do try my best to take it all in stride. Though I must admit that last spring two things I read on NN helped put me in a tailspin. First I read about the death of Dawn. I didn't know her, but I was greatly saddened by it. Soon Alpina followed talking about a friend who was suffering from a terminal illness and was considering going to Switzerland for physician assisted suicide. And since then...in the back of my mind...I thought...I have enough credit so why not just go to Switzerland also. Just party my ass off in Geneva for about a week. Stay in a lovely full service hotel, sightsee, get laid if all possible..then head to the hospital. I could finally rest. No worries. No pain. No endless stacks of paperwork. No more figuring out how to survive without being ruined. No more invasions of my privacy. No more tracking down doctors. No more medical research...reading about things I can't afford. No more worry about how to make some cash with waning and waxing symptoms when I live in a deadline society. And last but certainly not least...the occassional phone call from the family to check on the status of disability claim (note not the status of my health). So tacky. Their little way of saying...don't infringe on our lifestyle...we would rather not be stuck with you. In conclusion, I'm not saying any of this because I'm depressed, feel sorry for myself, etc. This is just pure reality. If on my third try should I not win the disability case, then that European vacation will finally become a reality. Because I simply will not be able to continue living without an income. "Capitalist Magazine" says that I'm a drain on society, and a charity case. Funny I've always thought of myself as intelligent, kind, compassionate...I mean just all kinds of good stuff. I do not lack confidence. But if my country is going to force me off the glue factory...I just hope I can get BBC to present the story. Really hoping that next week may be a little better. And really really hoping that I can continue to provide an insight on why I think it is so imperative to change the US healthcare system. Because beating down sick people is truly cruel, and I'm waiting for the gas chambers to be built so the "charity cases" can be disposed in that we obviously are such a fucking drain on society. (you know i'm ranting...don't you?)  | ||||
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| Monday, July 2, 2007, 7:45:43 AM- Back to the Drawing Board | ||||
Liking the change of member ID. Actually what seemed foolish at first was actually the right decision. And to Mont26 and 2knude, many thanks for picking me back up. And many hugs for your readership. You guys can never throw me too many bones. Hard and difficult week, but physical work is over for at least for a few weeks. Lucky me now I get to dive into financial issues (namely time to play the balance transfer game again), and also time to nail down all documents for my disability hearing in late August. Feeling not nearly as well as I would wish, however, hanging in. I've managed to do some cardio work for the last 6 weeks, and I have to say I'm very proud of myself. Cause God knows I didn't want to it. Tried a new venture just this evening. I read that alternating hot and cold water showers is somehow (goodness knows how!!) good for you. Gave it the first try this evening, and certainly nothing dramatic to report. However it was much more tolerable than I had imagined. So since it's cheap, I'll keep trying. Gratefully I'm back on the health care advocacy trail once again. Preparing some excellent things for future blogs, so I do hope that my issues will get some notice. For the longest time I debated in my head if this was the best forum for me to chronicle health issues; however, have finally come the conclusion that it just has to be. I honestly don't want to blog on say a Lyme blog because dammit!!...they are a bunch of sick people!! They get really entrenched in things like clinical analysis of pharmaceuticals, fighting back and forth over vague European studies of supplements...yada yada yada. And though I try to be the best informed that I can be, I'm starting to realize that someway I have to learn to live life on my terms. Not with the sick, but with the living. I have been fortunate enough to find a place with savvy, intelligent, and independent thinkers who seem to know the true meaning of community. Therefore, I'm staying put. And I'm gonna do what I can to protect the ones I love. | ||||
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| Monday, June 25, 2007, 10:03:51 AM- New Title | ||||
Now I would rather be Stacey's mom; however, felt it best to stick with the tried and true. Granted I'm not a MILF, but maybe someday a little one will come and live with me. Tough tough time as of late. Springtime was hell, and it's going right into summer. And I HATE when that happens. For some reason I went into kinda of a high school mode...right up until today as a matter of fact....and took down my previous profile during this time. I suffered losing a lot of self confidence over these last weeks and honestly just felt as I were drowning. Then I read the following: "Does being with this person add to my life force or do they rob me of my energy?" A relationship that will sustain us in the long haul should leave us feeling strong and vibrant, not insecure and exhausted. By choosing to surround ourselves with people who feed our life force, we increase our chances of long-term fulfillment. I can't tell you how much better I feel now!!!!!! | ||||
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