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Monday, March 4, 2013, 11:04:24 PM- The little Irishman.....

A little Irishman gets into an elevator looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down and says: "7 ft. tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 6 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown"
The little Irishman faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him......The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?"
The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me................ I'm 7 ft. tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each....and my name is Turner Brown"
The Irishman says: "Turner Brown?....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said, “Turn around!"

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol" - tight_wet_lips

Monday, February 25, 2013, 2:15:01 PM- Senior Sex....

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Viewers Comments (4):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"hahaha" - xxxsarah_janexxx

Friday, February 22, 2013, 8:14:30 PM- Two Aliens....

Two aliens landed in the desert close to Birdsville near an old petrol station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the old petrol pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The old petrol pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently,
"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt crumpled mess about 200 metres away in a dry creek bed.

About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a bloke who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear."

Viewers Comments (3):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"what a great tale. Thank you" - fredrickthescott

Wednesday, February 20, 2013, 11:01:46 AM- The Barber....

A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half . The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?' Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said.... 'Your house' _

Viewers Comments (0):

Thursday, February 14, 2013, 2:29:18 PM- Bailies n Lime.....

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re Sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this Really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The
Bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:

1. A salt shaker,
2. A shot of Baileys,
3. A shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue.
Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.

He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth.........smooth, Rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks.........this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it..

1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits

2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles

3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like Consistency hits

4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'

She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.'

Viewers Comments (4):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"That is too freakin hilarious! Mind ya, I don't mind swallowing (ok, I love it) but a little education to the fellows of what it can be like is never a bad thing. xo" - bound_sighs

Wednesday, February 13, 2013, 4:54:29 PM- A rooster named Ralph....

A farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So,he
goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a Rooster that
he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Ralph.
He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Ralph the
rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the Farmer decides he'd be
worth it. So, he buys Ralph The farmer takes Ralph home and sets him
down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want
you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here,
and you cost me a lot of money." Consequently, I'll need you to do a
good job. So, take your
Time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Ralph seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen House and
Ralph takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Ralph nails every hen in the hen house - three or four
times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and,
sure enough, Ralph is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Ralph after a flock of geese down by the lake.
Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees
Ralph out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't
even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and
Wakes up the next morning to find Ralph on his back out in the middle of
the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking Straight
up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and
expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Ralph, I told
you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look
what you've done to yourself."

Ralph opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the
Sky and says, "Shhhh! They're getting closer."

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Lol. I had a boyfriend like that once." - Be4andAfter

Sunday, February 3, 2013, 3:31:53 PM- Logical science.....

Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table

in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool

at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Patrick: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Patrick: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Patrick and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Patrick: - 'Scuse me.... No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Patrick: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ..... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Patrick: - Er ... Mmm ....... Well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Patrick: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Patrick: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Patrick: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... Built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Patrick: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Patrick: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Patrick: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Patrick: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Patrick: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Patrick returns to his mate.

Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Patrick: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Seamus: - What's that then?

Patrick: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Seamus: - Nope

Patrick: - Well then, you're a wanker! ;o)

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"Love it" - Be4andAfter

Saturday, February 2, 2013, 4:31:17 PM- Little Johnny on English language....

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says 'I have a word.....'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lol...ahahah" - tight_wet_lips

Thursday, January 31, 2013, 2:24:07 PM- The Nursing home.....

A daughter is having problems with her elderly father so decides to put him in a home.

However when it comes to leaving him behind at the new home, there are tears and lots of emotions as they say there goodbye's.

On the way home she says to her husband to turn the car around and go get him back-- at that the hubby talks her into leaving him for a few days to settle in then see how he like's it there.

After 2 days she cant bear it anymore, so decides to call her father and see how he is and is surprised to find he is actually enjoying himself there--"yes--its good here" the old Git says-- "they give us all Viagra at bedtimes--so i get a stonking erection---its great here-- never felt so good in a long time"

At that she slams the phone down and decides thats it!! he's coming home--next day they drive over to collect him and are ushered into the Matrons office.

The hubby launches into a scathing attack--"What are you running here" he asks "A brothel for the elderly"-- " Giving the men Viagra--Is this a knocking shop for the randy old Gits then??!

"No" she calmly says----"It's to stop them rolling out of bed" ;o)

Viewers Comments (1):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"lmao......ahahaha" - tight_wet_lips

Tuesday, January 29, 2013, 3:49:03 PM- Womens Arse Size study.....

Woman's Arse Size study...There is a new study about women and how they feel about their arses...The results were pretty interesting. 30% of women think their arse is too fat. 10% of women think their arse is too skinny. The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and wouldn't trade him for the world.........................

Viewers Comments (2):	View Comments Tip
Most Recent Comment:	"i am in the 60%" - sammiealice