Every Christmas in the last few years I spent in a hotel which has specialized on singles who have no familiy like me or don't feel like spending these days in their company. My holiday usually lasted from 24th December until 2nd January, there was a lot of skiing, partying, good food and frequent sex. I must admit I usually didn't hold back but enjoyed myself thoroughly, in the jacuzzi, at the parties and in my bedroom. There is usually the same crowd participating every year, and people who are more reserved don't appear for a second time. Couples are expected not just to keep to themselves but be open for other contacts, too. Then they are tolerated, while married couples are not.

I already booked this year's stay months ago. But what to do now? Call it off and go to some other place? Go alone? Tell Phillip about it and take him along - if possible? Would I want him to be there - in this liberal atmosphere? I'll have to decide this in the next two days.

Monday morning and I am alone after a weekend full of family life - what a new feeling for me. Yesterday afternoon we baked traditional Christmas cookies and then prepared a tasty Indian meal for the evening - Phillip, my "daughter" and I.

Time with Phillip is time not spent online, time without my blog and NN. It seems that I am gradually turning into somebody like your wives and girl-friends, guys, who do not care much for an online Wanker's Paradise like this, either.

What a lovely sunrise we had today, but it's 6°C below freezing. I better light a lovely fire before I go on writing some more Christmas cards. Later I'll go shopping and cook for me and Angelique - and then it's already the end of another ordinary day again.

I am now part of nature's big lottery, too - and I am glad that the blood has come this month. It interferes a little with my weekend with Phillip though - but only a little. Have a good time, too.

What Angelika told us last night: Her mother was born in Guadaloupe and was a singer when Phillip met her in Vienna. He was not yet 20 when he fathered her - while her mother was 34. There was never any discussion of marriage between the two - instead her mother got married to a rich Austrian builder and she grew up with them. Her mother was slightly coloured, and she inherited some of it, but only so much that people thought she was constantly sun-tanned. Her hair and her face are definitely European, she has a lot from her father.

Actually, she grew up with the name of Angelique, but since she was looking for a job with a newspaper and lived with her father off and on, she had austrianized her name, and it suits her well - sweet angel as she is - even if she is a rather darkish angel.

Now she is 25 years old, she has had a few boy-friends but nothing serious, she is about to look for something permanent and well-paid in the publishing business, even if this is not easy. But she enjoys living in the countryside for a change, she said last night, close to the mountains, out in the green, and I invited her to stay as long as she wished.

Angelika took off her clothes without hesitation - she does look wonderful, being so very young compared to us others, slim, with sun-tanned, smooth skin and small perky breasts. Her hair is black all over, and so are all her clothes, but for her panties which in their whiteness glisten on her skin. Undressed she looks much less naked than we whities in our pink nudity, I noticed as we went outside. But certainly very desirable.

There was some snow falling last night and we had a good time in the jacuzzi, even restarting it for a second session. Angelika behaved totally naturally, as if she had always been part of our group, and we others were very well-behaved and sitting in the bubbly element like the nice people we are.

Afterwards we drank some wine in the living-room in our fluffy white bathrobes instead of resting on their big bed in the nude. Elsie and Joerg asked her a lot of questions and she answered them readily. Before midnight we got dressed again and walked home together - the evening had been very pleasant and Angelika said she'd love to come again when she had time.

What I was thinking about: would Phillip ever come along, and what would it be like then?

Some message I got this afternoon said that writing about such questions was petty dull and crappy and I should write more sexy things about myself. He was not someone I consider a friend - still he is a reader. (I got friendly messages, too !!) The point is I just like writing, and unfortunately my life is pretty ordinary, so there are just not that many sexy things happening to fill my blog.

What inspires me of course is that there ARE people who read what I write. This never happens with my private diary - but there is this little counter here which tells me someone has been here, maybe stumbled in by accident, and some of them read. Some send me messages or even leave comments after reading and I must say this really excites me. I do try to keep my blog sexy. Ok, just tell me when you dislike something. Or ask me better questions then.

So I kiss you, dear readers - go on exciting me. LOL.

Maybe jacuzzi night might be something. Angelika has said she'd love to be with us. I told her to take her swimsuit along - if she needed one ...

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On the phone with Elsie - she said I could bring along Angelika to jacuzzi night if I wanted - they'd be glad to have her. I basically agreed, but there were some conditions on my part: if Angelika wants to wear a swimsuit, we'd wear one too. And hands off Angelika, and hands off me while she watches - and when we are at it - hands off each other for once. There might be snow falling tomorrow night, according to the forecast. So it could be lovely and romantic again - watching the flakes melt in the warm water or catching them on our tongues.

This is one of the most common questions asked when I am on Messenger or even in the Newbie Chat. It's a code question of course, with a different meaning - what the person - actually it's always a guy, even if he has a female nick - asks is if I am ready to masturbate with him. I always answer the question in the negative, particularly with a stranger.

What a regular guy usually wants is to masturbate himself while I am connected to him online; either he wants to talk about it or show me on cam. Doing so he feels much less lonely - his endeavour acquires some kind of sense, so he feels better about it. When a guy is nice I sometimes stay and talk with him. In a way it's quite a nice feeling when I know that someone spends himself for me and tells me about it openly.

Now the demented guys - and there is an astonishing number of them online - would love me to masturbate for them. They are usually at work and think that with a few sexy words they can bring a woman to touch herself, and they are usually even hurt when I tell them this is ridiculous. But I sometimes wonder what makes them think that sexuality - and if it is only the cyber variety of it - works this way.

I am almost sure it is not their wives.

When I got up this morning - my heart was so wide. I was alone - Phillip had left before seven, and Angelika had gone with him - so I didn't have to hurry. I looked out of the window - they sun was about to come from behind the clouds and it was relatively warm. The last remainders of the snow around the house had melted in the nightly rains.

I had to leave the house then and breathe some fresh air. So I put on my hiking boots and started to walk up the slope hehind out village, up to a spot with a lone fir tree and a wooden bench from when you can overlook the local area and the mountainous horizon. I sat there for a time.

Is there anyone as fortunate as me? I could not but think. I looked down to my wonderful, big house and my garden in the distance. All this belonged to me - I had inherited it when my parents died so suddenly in a fateful car crash - and I also got quite a large sum of money with it. A safe place to live, and the means to live on comfortably. And I have an academic degree, a wonderful profession, a good, well-paid job. I have many friends. I am healthy and feel well. And I have - of new - a lover who is ever so close to my heart.

It is sad that there are so many people who cannot be as fortunate as I am - whose lives are hard, who are ill and poor - who experience no love. I feel with them when I think of them, I donate money to charity reguarly though I know it's just a drop in the ocean. But does it mean I must be unhappy with them?

No - this I refuse to do, no matter if you think this is unfair. I am HAPPY - and it's the best feeling in the world.