Racism against Asians in more prevalent in some places than others; more prevalent on some websites than others.

As with all racism, it generally lurks in the shadows like the coward it is. Occasionally it sneaks out when you least expect it because that too is the way of cowards.

Racism directed at me I can handle. I recognize that it about fear and insecurity even though yes, it is one of the most destructive things there is to humanity.

When it is directly aimed at a child from an adult, that is entirely a different matter. When it is directly aimed at MY child, it is nearly cause for violence.

There's a man in the valley that today was lucky I am ultimately a nonviolent person.

I am stilling fuming about this.

Given some luck, I expect to finish my Ph.D. next year. It is so difficult for me to imagine that, even though I remember the beginning.

I was born in N.E. Thailand at home in my village with the help of a midwife and friends and family. My family were, and still are, farmers.

The village I lived in when I was young had no electricity until I was about 8 years old. Thus there were no fans, TV, telephone or any modern conveniences. It was miles and miles on dirt roads to the nearest town. We had no vehicle.

I never felt deprived of anything nor did I crave anything. I was never bored. Our home was filled with laughter and friends and other kids. We made our own toys and played in the red dirt or mud depending on the season. There was love everywhere.

I was lucky enough to go to school and my favorite subject was English. I was nearly obsessed with it and studied and practiced for hours.

When I was 12, an unusual turn of events happened to me. It was a life changing event.

Administrators from a government program started for rural Thai children came to my village. I have never figured out why they came there. It is a mystery to me.

There was a big meeting at the school and eventually someone asked whether any of the children could speak English. I said nothing because I was too shy, but my family and friends pushed me to the front and said I could.

One of the men in fancy clothes and an expensive watch said, "Can you speak English?"

And very quietly I said, "Yes sir, I can."

That event, so long ago, on the other side of the world, when I was so young, changed my life. Forever.

I was sent to Bangkok and after mountains of paperwork and test after test, I was selected to be a part of an intensive English language program in Bangkok. If I successfully completed that, I would go to America to study English.

Somehow, I managed to do that and when I was 13, I found myself in the USA, living with a wonderful host family and going to high school.

It was monumentally difficult. Everything was different and I was on a different planet from those I loved. I cried of homesickness millions of tears. Tears that no one ever saw. Never heard.

I did get a chance to visit my home sometimes, but it wasn't enough and it wasn't the same.

I wasn't the same because something in me was changing.

When I was 19, I returned to Thailand and stayed for a few years before returning to the USA because I had won a scholarship to complete my education.

To this very day, I am utterly confused about where I am and tortured about who I am.

This much I do know; my gratitude is eternal.

That is my story. Maybe, that is me.

"If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies."

“Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.”
Matsuo Basho (for Ima)

Sometimes I wonder why I live in the mountains and not the flatland. Life where I live requires more physical and mental effort.

But when Spring comes and I know I live above the clouds.

Where I can see.

“If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?” Kahlil Gibran