"Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true. Jerry Lee Lewis was the devil. Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet. All of a sudden I found myself in love with the world. So there was only one thing that I could do, was ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long-ling-long."

Did you know the Kennedy's (JFK'S father) originally made their wealth from smuggling moonshine?? And obviously the bi-product was JFK's presidency campaign was paid for. That's to damn cool!

Ok, I'm back. Yeah... a lot's going on with me lately. A little to much for me to handle. Let alone stuff that's going through my head that I need to get done so I can get OTHER things done. Never ending process, I'm sure most of you know how it goes. But it's alright I guess. Better than being a bum right?

I'm lovin' my new job. Getting to a lot of priveledged things with and for the biz. And I'm doing really good at it. I could really do this for a carreer too which is the REALLY good thing. I'm gonna try and stick with this for a long time. I can even move to other parts of the country through the company that I trained with. And it has everything to do with my main hobby... riding.

Those of you who know me know I've done some pretty weird, awful, and awesome jobs. Made a few people jealous with some of them, lol. But this by far is probably gonna be the best. The people really don't matter. But I'm really doing things for myself. And people say I work better on my own, doing my own thing. So... I think I'll do good at it.

But I hope you're all doing well, and you're in my thoughts.

Well, haven't had a real reason to blog lately. Everything I thought was good in my life is pretty much gone. Everything I thought was real was never really there. Damn shame isn't it.

But ya gotta push to move on right? Starting up this theme of schooling that I'm pursuing. So far work doesn't wanna work around my scheduling, but I'm not worried about that. Depending how well I do on here, which I shouldn't do all that bad, will depend on what and where I go next. Taking it by steps, and seeing where I go.

Keeping the people that support me close, and the people who don't give a shit can stay where they're at, cause I don't want 'em. Thank you all who've supported me in my hard times. And for all the presents and cards you all gave me, it was quite a surprise, and I hope to return a letter of gratitude in the very near future.

I'm going somewhere. I'm not gonna stay stuck in this rut of a life. I'm not going to make myself comfortable in this uncomfortable life. For those who want to be apart of that with me, help me with this, come along, cause I could use the support. God knows you'll receive nothing less from me in your life with your goals. Thank you for being by my side. As long as you're there, I could never leave your side either.

Now I really can't say much... I'm loosing everything these days. I lost a close friend today. Death has taken him from the world. I've known them since I was born.

They were the first friends of my folks when they came to Kansas almost 30 years ago, and now, the father of the family has gone. He was there when I was born, and I've known them ever since. Closest family I've had to an aunt or uncle locally. Funeral is on Saturday, and I've been asked to be in it.

I feel like I'm loosing everything... loosing people who are close to me. I feel like my life was molded to help and love people... but life just doesn't want me to do that.

I get up in the evening
and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
Wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is

You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
that's the jokiest wine and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby have a laugh on me

Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look

You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire
worryin' 'bout your little world falling apart

This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

As perfect as perfect can be
Nothing is perfect for me
I do my best to stride the test...
of time and I loose so originally

I do my best to show my heart
I do my best to show my love
I do whatever to prevent us from apart
With nobody but God's help from above

I love you dearly, listen to me say
I think about this every day
I want you so bad, I can taste yer lips
Regardless of you faults, to me, it's bliss

You stare your eyes gazing at the sea
And sit there thinking of only me
That feeling lifts my spirit like nothing else
But I hate it cause yer sitting there by yerself

I want to be there for you
Hold, comfort, and show my love so true
Someday, I will show this I promise us
I hope we will never, for one another, loose this trust

What do you do when you love someone?
But what is really love?
Is there a common ground on love?
I want to know what it is.

Is what I give love?
Is what I show love?
Am I really able to show it?
Or is this just my imagination?

Do I just show confusion?
How come I can't show it like I want to?
How come no one can see?
Why do I always get hurt when I try?

Is it so bad to show that I love?
Is love something given, and not received?
Why can't I feel the love I give?
Was I just not born to feel that kind of love?

Damnit, what am I doing wrong?
Why can't I be loved like that?
Am I selfish?
Do I just need to sit back and let it all go?

Is love a dream for me?
Am I really loved?
I know what hurt is.
If I feel hurt, is that because of love?

Or is it emptiness?
Is it both?
Is emptiness without love?
I want love in my life.