Bit of a later one today, weather is dreich, been just pottering, walked in the woods yesterday, the bloom is the best, I think I have ever seen, all the wild fruit trees are covered , spectacular sight to see for sure, can remember it being so when I was young, usually led to bad winter, mother nature was making sure, there was fruit to feast on before winter.

Not even warm feeling, only maybe 12c at the most.

I think tomorrow Glasgow, maybe I will message an old friend and see, if she is around for lunch, already I am ready for the lecture I will get ,11 months from my Stroke now, crazy how the time, has went in and crazy how lucky I was. Each day is a bonus and each day, I keep chasing the positive, sure I get the odd negative thought, but keep on fighting.


Crab apple blossom, nature sure does make me smile.

So my lazy day did lead, to what I expected a total lack of sleep time lol, so today will be a recovery day, with easy jobs to do, in the greenhouse mostly and wander in the woods.

Officially the first day of my holidays, for my normal weekend starts now on Friday and finishes on a Sunday. I get asked , why I have never went abroad, when I was younger,it was not in my thoughts. Plus, I just loved working, never really had a holiday as such until I met Julie and then we had weekends away and weeks in a cottage , that was pretty much it for a long time, till my journeys over the border which were always enjoyed. Then my Mum asked me not to go anywhere on a plane as she would be worried about something happening to it, all thoughts stopped, now even an overnight is pretty much out the question, as I have my Mum to look after more and more and she comes first, before anything.

I get out with the camera, can get miles in on the bike, got a garden, simple pleasures in life, that does me.

In tastes I have simple pleasure, use to say, I was a simple man, but nothing could be further from the truth, I take time to get too know, it is not days weeks or months , it is years, not many have ever lasted to find out, who I really am, maybe no one has ever really done that, maybe I am just not worth bothering to learn about.

Came to another conclusion yesterday, a holiday for me, gives me too much time to spend money, online shopping is just too easy.

Further adventures with the new lens below, needs a click on the image to see, at there best.

Bluebells, my woods are looking great with them just now, but finding just the right one.

Wild Garlic, I took a series of pictures of this all at F2 just a shallow depth of focus , but I really love these pictures, especially when I turned them into black and whites, which was the idea in the first place.

I am not long up, one of those ultra rare days, where my body says, nope, you need to have a long lie. So if it follows, the usual pattern for this, it means, one lazy lazy day for me, So only thing, I know, I am going to do, is play some more, with the new lens, it actually arrived yesterday, 2 days early and yes, as soon, as it did, straight too, the ponds.

When the first picture, you take is a keeper, I can imagine my smile would have been to the edge of the universe wide.

So what did I get, I know it will mean not much to most, but it was a Sigma 180mm F2.8 macro lens, it is built like a tank and weighs the same as my beloved 100-400mm. It is also secondhand, first bit of anything other, than new, I have bought, but the condition is excellent, it also works great with a 1.4 teleconverter on to give me a 252mm F4.

There is a learning curve, a lot more hand held manual focusing, not something I do, but will work on it. I have a few flower pictures, to blog on this one and it is something, that I always wanted this lens for. Yes another new project to work on.

My Mum was killing herself with laughter as I was opening the box, yes I was like a kid at Christmas, too see her laughing was worth getting it in itself.



So I am quite happy, with the first flower results, i can see, the ideas, that are running in my head and very much one happy Dignitea.

Must be another age thing, broke a rib or two, 3 weeks ago and this is the 3rd time in a year or so, must have a weakness, I was just lying on the ground, getting close to a butterfly on a flower, when, I heard and felt that familiar thing, But I did get some of the best pictures, I have ever taken. Had to be on the side I sleep on, but old hand, at sleeping on, the other side now.

It all goes back to a night, when Julie went off on, one and threw two really nice, quick kicks and broke my ribs for the first time, since then, it has happened a few more times, always easy to do things as well.

Funny as I get older, I really miss her, for all the drama, she was fun to be around and taught me a lot, plus we did have the most amazing sex life together as well, how many times, did she say, she old came back for the loving, but there was more to,it than that, we each did our own thing, really lived our own life, but the weekends , they brought us together. She was the most amazing cook, it was her real thing in life, travelled all over the UK and Europe to learn more, she was able to get me, to eat things, I never would have because, she was able to fuse flavours, I called it. The things, she could do with a Chicken was unreal and then the cakes and desserts

Apart from making Tea, neither of us drunk anything else, my only time, I was allowed near a stove, was a Sunday morning, I cooked the breakfast, full breakfast, my fried eggs were her favourite item, the yolk, was always just right for her, nice and runny, she loved dipping her fruit pudding in it.

If I had only run, that one time more, would it have made a difference, one of lives questions, that can never be answered , no matter how much I have tried..

How much beauty in something so small, Large Red Damselfy chased the Damsels yesterday and had success. also deicide on another thing, ordered the lens, I was after, it arrives on Monday , first new bit of photography gear, I have bought in 6 years. more in the next blog..

Great to wake, at 4am on a Friday and think no work now, till 30th May. Looked out the window, grey looking, but still got up and went for my, first walk of the day, just a little leg stretch, home for 7am.

I am so indecisive , new camera or just buy that 180mm Macro lens, that will fit my 5D, that camera, just feels so much part of me, an extension too my soul.

I feel like an arsehole for even thinking of replacing her, yes, I am nuts, but I am a loyal person.

I am not, sure, if, I will blog each day, like, I usually do, when on holiday, it is just a little goal, I always seem to fall into, like to get a new daily picture, if possible and post. It is very much a rinse and repeat thing, but trying new things, leaning the do a project thing, keep them in a folder and see, where it goes. I took the second picture for one, last weekend, an old tractor trailer, so what is this folder, old green coloured things, I see on my travels.

No surprises there in that , Green is a colour, that always attracted me, but not just about the fields and the countryside. I was at a concert, when I was 17, got talking to a lady, with green hair, punk days, but when we started snogging and when I saw the green panties, I learned a whole new turn on..

Back in the day, if you had thrown in the colour purple as, well, not sure, I would have lasted any great time.


Please, if you would like to see, the detail click on the picture, I had such fun with this butterfly, macro lens on for detail and I got some of my best most detailed picture yet, I was able to zoom into the wing and see, the detail make up of, the wing detail. It makes me wish, I was in my twenties and starting out with the camera for, I know, the path in life, would have been a whole lot different.

Four days to work this week and then, it is holiday time, taking 2 whole weeks off, be quite a time since, my last day off and, am ready for the break, my place of work, can get to anyone at times.

We still have so many people coming and going , more worrying should be, that people with up to 26yrs of service are jumping ship, they take the knowledge , that can never be replaced.

I said may times, that I will not retire, but have totally changed my mind on, that one, I do plan to work to that day still, but that is it, not one second longer.

I suffered in silence, with a bit of depression for a little while, always been able to deal with it, for all, I knew, it was hitting me, I never took steps to avoid it and so it wormed its, way in, it has lasted probably from when I had my Stroke till, I took the steps about 4 weeks ago, to try and get out of it again, Now, I am close too.

I always see myself as a functioning dysfunctual of a person. I always still been able to just get on with it, to keep fighting and to not give up,

I know it is safe to write whatever here, for no one actually reads a blog nowadays.

My village, has a little cafe it has the best Ice cream in the world, well, of all the ones, that I have tasted, yesterday,when coming back from chasing damselflies, but getting some really nice pictures of a butterflies instead, I dropped in, 2 double nougats bought, might have been two years or even three, since the last one, but still tastes as, great as ever, it was my monthly treat this time.

Now getting close to decision time, buy the new camera now or wait, I might just buy a lens instead just now.

Be safe everyone and be kind to those that matter in life and too a stranger too, for you just never know..

I took, a little break from blogging, 3 weeks since the last one, I have tried, but not forcing anything now.

I am close too, having a holiday, taking 2 full weeks off. I have taken this time of year off, for so long now, it is just another tradition, that, I have fell into.

More and more, people at work, seem to need someone too, talk too, it gets hard sometimes, but never turn anyone away, so much hurt in the world. One person did ask, who I talk too, but my answer is, it is not about me, but for the record, I have no one too, it is, what it is.

My own life, is actually not that bad, I am more positive, in my own outlook now. Sure, I get the odd really low day, but I just see, how lucky I am, I get to fight each day still, so, it is always a win.

I got a Casey Jones, hat, some might know, what I am talking about lol.

My camera and I, have been out and about, so much , it is that time of year, I have pictures to share, but I still have some from January that are still to be shared.

Tomorrow might be the first day for just wearing cycling shorts to work, still been wearing leggings, but it is May and still been like winter, will see.

I was standing in the river last night, taking pictures of the bridge, heard a voice, what are you doing lol, then for there dog, too come bounding in .. The bridge picture never worked, but, I still came away with a fresh idea, it is how it works for me. You get something in your head and you have too try and see.


Another of my black and whites, worth a click on, to see it better, you decide, my folder of them is growing and I am learning the art of taking them, all the time. I think so much of the landscapes I share there are all original, in that the chances, that someone, has taken, pictures before is very remote, but my way of seeing it is each click is unique..

Till the next time, enjoy life, as much, as you can..

Two days after an adventure and still suffering for it, but not giving up, because of pain, as long, as I can, I will suffer and keep doing, what I enjoy doing. when you sit at the monitor and watch a picture come alive, there is a smile on my face, not many smiles cross, my face now, but these moments keep me going.

I walked to the ridge, had the idea in my head, over 2 miles, to get there, left at 4-30 am, walked the side of a ploughed field, then getting to the next field, it was ploughed as well, idea scuppered, so keeping to the edge walked round,, took handheld shots in the dawning light, just to see, they tell a story my story.

The views, I shoot around me, are probably all original , which in this age is unusual. It is all one big project taking the picture, remembering the memories of the places and people, this ridge , those giant old trees, i really studied them, this morning, as I walked along, just now skeletal in there looks, soon the canopy will be my shelter, where I will sit and watch, the voyeur, seeing what crosses the paths below.

I stood taking my pictures, watching her come towards me slowly and then saying , hello lover , took you long enough to find me again.


Early morning light, hitting some of the giants,,

Seeing the first butterfly of, the year, is the most special of days for me, it always has been and will be, after that it, is the Damselflies, had meant to really try for them last year in a few different places, but one thing and another, never happened, but with luck, this year.

I chase , it is what I do, seeking that moment, that I will always keep in, my memories.

When at the Doctors last week, got weighed, lost another 4 pounds since the last time, no need to visit again too August or so.

I have a long weekend, for Easter, took Monday off, with luck weather will be decent, a nice sunrise would be nice,

Then it, will be annual leave, I finish around 17th May till start of June.

I resurrected my old user name Whokens, on another blogging site, whether I will use it not really sure, my large A4 writing pad is my favourite place to just write now, blogs on here, get so little views now, I noticed a blog I done a little while ago, had only 2 views, but it is a site wide thing, from seeing a status still being on the page for hours and hours, but I think it is just social media in general.

I could say a lot more, on what, I see on here, but I am not here for the drama, I like to just look and see, you learn about people that way. I guess, I was just trained to blend into backgrounds, it becomes a natural thing.

So many questions in life. sun is shining and outside is the place to be, been cooking a chicken for dinner, so just thought, lets blog.

It needs a click to see, it better, they all do now, but first bee picture of the year.

Like a few times now, writing this blog, just seems xxxxxxxxxx, you write it, delete it, start again, 4 times for this one, as much, as I am wanting to keep writing weekly it is not the fun anymore

I know, I am restricting myself in what, I write, things, I want to share, but built those walls up again. this is not a cry for people to say to stay or anything like that, truth is, when I decide to leave here, I am gone, I will just vanish.

Away from here, I am like the invisible man anyway, will share this one, I have no friends, as much, as I am a loner, maybe that is the real issue, why does no one, want to hang around with me,, yes, I really ask myself that one a lot, but then I just do, what I always do, get the boots on, dress for the weather, lift the camera bag and head to my little world.


I look at this tree a lot, it stands alone, , there is further trees, just up, from it, there branches, all inter connected like friends, and then you have my tree, it signifies me, when I took this picture a few weeks ago, I thought it was about the dream of the snow being here , but the thing, that really came from the picture, after all those years, was the reason.