Jimmy Savile again. It seems to be a recurring theme. Don't know what a shrink would make of it.

I'm in the woods taking a leak and a bee stings me on the penis. It swells up, but not in a nice way. I wrap something around it to try to ease the pain. Can't recall exactly what it was I used, but then who cares when you've just been stung on the cock by a bee.

I stagger home and decide to write to Jim'll Fix It for advice.



Jim writes back.

Now then, now then young man. I'm sorry to hear about your altercation with one of nature's little wonders. I am enclosing a large tube of calamine lotion which you must rub into your tallywacker until the swelling goes down. Good luck with that. Must dash. Have to polish my medallion. Howz about that then? Howz about that then?

Yours sincerely Sir James of Savile, spinster of this parish.

I follow Jim's advice, but as I rub the lotion in, instead of the swelling going down it increases. I rub more lotion in, but the swelling now becomes a strange throbbing sensation. I find myself unable to stop rubbing and suddenly some kind of fluid shoots out. I think it was honey, but I'm not absolutely sure because at this point I woke up and I was all wet and sticky again.

Was it sweat?





















You'll never know, ya fkn pervs!!!

I might be going out on a limb here, but I think this is the greatest singer on the planet at the moment.

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj0HpN9wu7s[/url]

I thought I heard the Bee Gees singing in me fridge last night, but when I looked it was just chives talkin'.

A flamingo stands on one leg to let that side of its body go to sleep. Then it transfers to the other leg to let the other side go to sleep.

Genuine fact.

A problem can arise if it gets the timing wrong and both sides go to sleep at the same time. Then it falls flat on its arse.

At long last, somebody posted a sensible question in Sexual Discussion.

*Guy's..Has anyone tried to putting their own cock up their arse or tried rubbing it round their ring*


Yes, I have. I got it halfway up and it felt bloody awesome, but I had to stop because I was in Primark at the time and everybody kept staring at me.

Best stiffie I'd had in ages as well. ((((

I'm jogging in the park. In the distance Jimmy Savile is approaching. He's wearing his trademark tracksuit.





As he gets closer, he pulls his pants down, grabs his knob and says.

Howz about that then?

Howz about that then?

If you don't know who Jimmy Savile is, the significance of that remark probably escapes you, but I woke up all wet and sticky.

Sweat, people.

It was SWEAT!!!!

I need a new torch so I've been looking on the internet and found one with ten million candle power for £29.99, but I'm a bit worried about getting ripped off.

I mean, how do they know it's got the power of ten million candles? Did somebody light ten million candles to do a comparison? What about the implications for global warming? What if they made a mistake and only lit 9,999,999 candles?
Would I be entitled to some sort of refund? What's .00001% of £29.99 anyway?

Can anybody shed any light on this?

Some EMO porn for feschkie.

Be warned - slightly violent.

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqrg_VCPgAQ[/url]

I caught him tapping his toes to Dancing Queen the other day and when I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do came on he went crazy, shaking his little arse like a whirling dervish. The effect from the glitter ball was a bit overpowering and brought on a flashback.

Just imagine Sooty and Sweep on acid kicking the shit out of Bungle from Rainbow and you're halfway there.