1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
* * *
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
* * *
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.
* * *
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.
* * *
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
* * *
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
* * *
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
* * *
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
* * *
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
* * *
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
* * *
Evaluating Your Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"

Reasons to date a Starbucks Barista
1. Because we're used to whipped cream.
2. We make everything extra hot.
3. We know how to keep you up in the morning.
4. We won't fall asleep afterwards.
5. We thank and worship you over and over, even if we know you don't deserve it!
6. No body grinds like we do.
7. The thing's we make are soooo delicious.
8. You ALWAYS find Mocha, Whip cream, caramel or some other deleciousness on some part of our body.
9. Give you enough creame so you won't complain.
10. Because we always gladly do it agian if you aren't satisfied and thank you with a smile.
11. Because we stay fresh for an hour and only need 4 minutes to re-brew.
12. We will always give you stuff that you LOVE to slurp and swallow.
13. We Give "Legendary" Service.
14. We wipe our steam wands with a towl when we finish steaming your pitcher.
15. Because our aprons aren't just useful in the store, but also in the bedroom; easy to take off, clean up small spills/stains, provide easy access to...everything!

'Eat Healhy, Exercise, and Die Anyway'

A quote that I saw the other day ...
'50,000 battered women and I am still eating them plain'