I found out I've been excluded from something that my neighbor hasn't been. It's not that I'm surprised. What I'm surprised about is that I feel hurt over the slight. I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I mean, it's funny in an ironic sort of way. She's only going for the free booze and maryjane; she told me that when I thought we were friends. She had a lot of negative things to say. Which I'm sure she went to this other person and told her I that I said. She likes doing that. Or taking something you've told her completely out of context and twisting it in a way that puts you in a negative light.

Going outside for some sun and distraction. Since my first choice for distraction is an option that's unavailable to me right now. (It takes so little to get me thinking about sex and now that I am, I'm thinking about how much fun that would be out in the back. Maybe some day I'll feel adventurous enough to bring a toy out there with me.)

Taking a little coffee/computer break waiting for it too cool off so I can mow (without fainting from heat exhaustion.) Procrastinating. I wouldn't mind mowing if it didn't make me feel like I was dying. I know it's my allergies, but it sure makes me feel like I am really out of shape.

Wow, a whole eight months of abstinence. Good thing I have a very active imagination!

My favorite niece is flying up next Wednesday. I'm really looking forward to her visit. Lots of cleaning to do before then, though. That part isn't fun. Maybe I'd get more stuff done if I wasn't laying in bed for an extra hour or so day-dreaming about the sex I'm not having.

I'm tired. Had lots on my mind (other than sex) but I can't focus right now to put anything into words. I should be writing first thing in the morning, but if I don't work out then, I don't work out. I did manage to cut my day-dreaming short this morning, though. And I have gotten some writing in the past couple days.

I had a hard time picking which performance to share, but decided to go with the one that made me laugh.


I've heard Love Spit Love do this song dozens (and dozens) of times, and I even checked out t.A.T.u.'s version (which I didn't like at all) but The Smiths just do it the best.



I hear this song pretty much every day. My youngest has discovered "Smalleville." I love Tom Wellington; he makes farm boys look hot.

It was awesome, having the house to myself for a couple hours. Then, both girls and I headed to the beach for a bit.



Couldn't find the book I've been reading but that was okay. I did a little writing and tried out the continuous feature for the shutter button.



I tried it out on a butterfly, too, but I was too far away, or way too close with the zoom button. And getting bit up by mosquitoes.

So, my oldest has planned a lunch date with her little sis tomorrow. It's great for them having sister-bonding time, and it's great for me, too. The house to myself, I can hardly wait.

I had a good time last night. I had two drinks, but I don't need alcohol to get on the dance floor. Ran into my youngest's sperm donor...I wish he and I could be friends but he isn't capable of it. I say, "I just want to be friends with you" and he hears "I want you." (And that, in the simplest way, is how I ended up with my youngest.) Even last night, he wanted to "hang out" after bar closing. Not interested.

So...I woke up after this splendid dream. It was kind of confusing at first, didn't make sense, but the best part of the dream was the ending, a kiss. It felt so real, right down to the damp blacktop underneath me. I have no idea why I was in a parking lot-or barefoot-and I don't want to speculate on why I dreamt about that particular ex-lover of mine. (Oh, I'm pretty sure why, I just don't want to think about it.) It had me thinking about the last time he'd kissed me-which, funnily enough, I thought I'd dreamt at the time-and how I remember that in bright, vivid detail although I can't recall the majority of our conversation or even the date (other than a Saturday evening sometime last September.) It's funny sometimes, the things we remember.

Daisies and evening primrose.




Close-up of evening primrose.




Growing next to my garage.

Just got back from shopping, stuffing my face with delicious sweet and sour chicken from the asian place downtown. Hoping I have enough time to get ready to go out. It's awkward enough going by myself. I'd feel more awkward walking in somewhere that's packed. And it's not that I'm particularly shy (except with certain men.) I'm just reserved. I really wanted to go out last weekend (had my outfit planned and everything) but I had a headache and an earache along with feeling like kaka.

Anyway, I feel a little bad because I ignored the invitation to go canoeing. But only a little bad because the invite came by way of text. I may not like phones but I still expect invitations to come with a call. Not a text, not an email.

Well, I'm pretty much ready...just letting my phone charge a bit and waiting for a text from my oldest.

I keep hearing this in my car right before I get home.



Her voice is absolutely amazing.


Going to watch "Big Daddy" and eat (rare steak with spicy red beans and parboiled rice and maybe a chocolate peanut butter cup and creme de cacao shake later.)

In my garden.




From my hike today.




I have no idea what these are. They remind me of marsh marigolds but the plants-especially the leaves-are much smaller.




My favorite from today's hike; some type of amanita.


I was invited to go canoeing tomorrow, and it's not that I don't want to go. I just don't think I want to go tomorrow. I need to run errands (which is something I don't want to do) but I don't think I'd want to go canoeing anyway.

I've been wanting pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream for the past week so that's what I'm making for dinner. My youngest is not a big fan of pancakes, but then, she's not a big fan of a lot of different foods.