I like big butts and I cannot lie
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Sunday, November 30, 2008, 11:35:19 PM- My Point Exactly ! | ||||||
An 86 yr old man went 2 c his doctor 4 his annual check-up. After the exam, doc says "everything looks fine, except u have a low sperm count. At your age, it's not unusual." "I believe u must b mistaken doc," the old man said. "I happen 2 b married 2 a 20 yr old woman who is carrying my child. What do u think of that?" Doc tells him: "I know a man who decided 2 go hunting a while back. He headed into the woods, & after walking 4 some time, realized he'd mistakenly picked up his cane instead of his gun. When he saw a beaver, he raised his cane, took aim, & said 'bang!' The beaver fell over dead. What do u think of that?" The old man answered "I'd say that someone else pumped a round into that beaver!" "My point exactly!" | ||||||
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Thursday, July 31, 2008, 2:36:15 AM- Train Your Gag Reflex | ||
A man takes his young son to a coffee shop and gives him three nickels. The boy plays with the nickels while the father enjoys his coffee. Suddenly the boy starts gagging. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly Folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up that last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?' 'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce Attorney'... | ||
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Saturday, July 26, 2008, 5:16:11 PM- Polite Way To Pee | ||
Polite Way To Pee... During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite." "What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table." "And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.' " ; The teacher fainted. | ||
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Monday, July 21, 2008, 1:50:07 AM- Nudist Colony | ||||||
Nudist Colony A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?' The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?' She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her. Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. 'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer. 'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist. 'May I help you?' she asked. 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.' 'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.' 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!' | ||||||
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