Everyone has their insecurities, their problems, their wishes and dreams.

While I have always wanted to find the right man and have a family, I've made an extremely personal decision that I am going to opt out on finding the right man that I want to be with for the rest of my life and select a suitable male to impregnate me.

After having a talk with one of my cousins who was a single mom for quite some time before she found her husband, I asked her about her two daughters (she had twins, runs in that side of the family) and how she's liked having kids. Seeing that she enjoyed it and her girls are wonderful, something woke up for me.

As much as I've wanted to find the person I wished to spend the rest of my life with, I'm setting aside that dream. I'm not so much giving up on it, but this isn't about me.

This is about family. MY family of my own flesh.

My brother is divorced with 3 children and my parents never get to see their grandchildren for whatever reason (I find it ridiculous). What it comes down to is that my father and mother are not getting any younger and I want for my parents to have the chance to see a grandchild from me.

After witnessing my mother express how unhappy she was with not spending time with her grandkids, I started to understand that even though I might not ever get married I still have the chance to produce offspring.

In that I've decided to selflessly find someone who I find worthy of fathering and bear a child so my child will at least get to be around my parents and know of them before they pass on.

-Meredith

Why is it harder to suppress feelings I haven't felt for ages with someone who obviously doesn't feel the same way about me?

I suppose I should have gone for him when I had the chance, but I'm not the type to go in like a gun shot. But at the same time I know what he's dealing with right now. *sigh*


I shouldn't honestly post just the song but this cracked me up so bad I couldn't help it. PRANCERSIZING. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT OR NURSING YOU SHOULD CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN. This is why John Mayer still cracks me up.

If you didn't know already you now know that I am a fan of John Mayers' music. I have been for twelve years so if you want to talk shit about him and I could really care less, but take it elsewhere.

This song has only ever been performed live and the only time it was recorded was in Birmingham, Alabama for what is known to some as "Any Given Thursday" which was released in DVD and CD format.

Why do I love this song? It's a time capsule for me. This song was - from what I understand is everything from love to the chaos of New York just after 9/11. I have always had a deep love for New York from the late 80s and onward up until things changed.

I actually was in New York and went to the World Trade Center in July, 2 months before everything shifted. It was quite surreal to watch all of it happen, not to mention confusing. At the time, I was still hanging on to someone I never want to see again in my life.

My love for New York has and never will die from the way I remember loving it as a child, yet this song encapsules the violent change of events in song. It's so beautifully sad, and yet catches the romanticism I've had for NYC for so long.


Now you know.

I might be on this site but that doesn't mean I've got laid since I got here. :|

I'm not going to get into specifics, but I didn't get the job from last weeks interview.

I'm trying to look at the bright side but...in a way this gives me what I really want to pursue.

Right now I have no drive to stay where I am, so if I manage to get myself where I honestly want to be - it'll be worth it. Besides, they're the ones missing out.

You gave me a pulse when no one else could find one from me.

You illuminated my life when I was trying to light the fireworks myself and you handed me a flamethrower instead. I laughed. You made me laugh when no one else would even try.

It's what makes me happy is knowing you also have told me your secrets which I will gladly store away and keep them hidden from anyone who tries to hurt you.

Sometimes I wish I was more to you than I am right now, but that's okay. Life happens. It doesn't change how I feel.

Because of you I have a pulse. You make me happy.

I really am not meaning to post so many Adam Lambert songs as I have been but I usually play this song when I'm singing in my car by myself and perplexed by emotions.

Right now its the fact that while I am looking to change my life, I'm finding it hard at times.

The toughest thing for me right now is when figuratively, I get a door shut in my face. You are denying me the right to live and love life. You are trying to shut me down.

The worst feeling is when I have felt love from someone I enjoy being around and I get passed by like a cold shoulder. Am I no longer worthy of your affection?

It's tougher for me to throw in the towel on someone I care about and I know should be far more harsh on some who have managed to do as such to me. If I had more reasons I would gladly just let go of someone. I had to let go of someone recently who I personally decided was not - after over 15 years of friendship - being much of a friend to me at all anymore.

We had been through many things. Talked to each other while no one else listened. Laughed with each other when no when else understood. Cried together when needed. I still care about her, but phone calls go unanswered. No replies.

One of these days, all I want to do is get discarded unbroken glass, an area to work with, this song on repeat and safety goggles.

Friendship is a two way street. Sometimes you have to let go in order to continue on with your life, because loving yourself is more important than being dragged through the dirt.

"I wish I was there."

No you don't. Maybe at the moment you do, but no.

No. You. Don't.

Because if someone really wanted to be right here? they would be.

But they're not. Honestly I don't even want to be here. I am flat out unhappy here.

So please STOP SAYING IT. Don't get my hopes up. Not that I'm honestly looking for a guy to come swinging in on a vine like Tarzan to save my ass.

Just stop it. I don't need this.

I'm fine with carrying on a conversation with you but today if you decide to start saying shit you don't mean I will be tempted to fucking shut myself down and walk away.

[url]http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/24-important-pieces-of-life-wisdom-from-the-ladies-of-girl-c[/url]

OMG I AM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER I LOVE THIS SO FUCKING MUCH

wait I'm not on tumblr oh shit.