I miss you Lisa. There, I said it. We haven't spoken in two months. We seem to argue over things that shouldn't matter...and each time we get angry, we play the "silent" game until one of us can't take it any longer and then call the other. Normally you are the one to break first...maybe you won't this time. I miss the talks we used to have. The making out...or as you called it..."kissy-face". I don't know if we will ever see each other again, but I know that we had good times. Those good times stopped when you got married six years ago. We still talked, emailed, even met at motels but it was never like it used to be. Now we don't even talk.

Human Pride is a sad and powerful thing.

About 2 years ago, I ran into a former girlfriend while I was making sales calls. She was a gate-keeper at an office that I called on. Now she wasn't just a former girlfried, she was the girl to whom I lost my virginity. And I was her first. We dated for three years and she pretty much did anything I asked her to do. She enjoyed sucking dick, she enjoyed all things sexual. But, as men will do, I thought the grass looked greener on the other side of the fence and I broke up with her so I could date other girls. I dated many girls and none of them could equal her sexually. I would often go see her in the hopes I could get her in bed again. I knew that I hurt her when I broke up with her. And it stayed in the back of my mind as I grew older. I was sorry that I hurt her that way, but what was done, was done. So 20 years later when I ran into her, we talked about old times. And I appologized to her for my actions when I was younger. I felt better to see that she was able to move on and to my surprise, she had all but forgotten me! Talk about an ego I have....She is married and they have built a life together...we still stay in contact with each other through email and messenger. And when we chat, I always make a pass at her and she always passes. And in a way, I'm glad she does. But I always wonder, what it would be like to be with her again. I know we are still sexually compatable because we have had cyber-sex on several occasions and it is great. But, she won't cross that line and meet me in person. We both know what would happen. Anyway, I just finished chatting with her and once again, she turned me down. LOL I suppose I'll never stop asking...Someone once told me, "If you don't ask, the answer is always no"...

I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday and today. I had a crown come loose from one of my molars and I went to the dentist to have him cement it back on. Well, after he looked me over, he told me that I broke the tooth in half and the he would need to pull it. Shit! I'm not a big fan of dental work, so to me, that is bad news...but after I was finished there, I had to pick my cousin up at the airport in Indianapolis. He is flying in so he can take his mother to a cancer Doctor tomorrow. I decided to visit my dad, who lives in the same town as my aunt, and while talking to him in the driveway, one of his neighbors who we have know for almost 30 years told us that her husband's colon cancer came back. They are such wonderful people...

I realize now that I don't have any problems at all. In the big scheme of things, I'm in great shape. I feel for those people, and I am ashamed that I thought I had problems...

I know that I should move on...but I can't help but think that it may get better. I'm sure that we have all felt that way about our jobs and life in general. I feel like I'm alone there. In an office full of people, I'm alone. Maybe I'm to blame?

I had a wonderful girlfriend that once told me, "Each day, when you wake up, you decide at that moment if you will have a good day or a bad day"...That makes sense to me. I just need to get motivated to have a great day and a great week.

She and I had the best sex ever. The problem lies in the fact that she is married and so am I...but not to each other...but thats another story...