I do fall off the wagon on quite a regular basis. I had a Greggs cheese and onion pasty yesterday.....food of the bloody gods, if truth be told, but it was the first one I had had in months. And it tasted divine. But I savoured it, and enjoyed it... and then made a promise to myself that I would have another one.....in a few weeks time.

I love my trash, and my junk food. Thats one of the reasons why i ended up the size I was (the other main reason was the drugs I was on when I had a serious illness a few years ago)......so while I crave a sausage and egg mcmuffin and a hash brown on the side, I'll do a big huge cooked breakfast of cereal, bacon and eggs, toms and mushrooms, toast and loads of cups of tea. The latter is by far and away the better choice - and also it will leave me feeling a bit fuller and a bit more satisfied for longer. Takes a bit more effort, but its worth it.


So..its not about depriving yourself..I am not deprived at all. Its all about changing some little things, which all add up to make a big thing.

- 30 lbs now. woo woo!

As a few of you know, I have been quite transient in recent times (cue Littlest Hobo thememusic) and therefore my weightloss has been tracked on quite a few different sets of scales. I decided to treat myself yesterday to quite a posh pair of digital ones, so they could be no argument, no dispute and no shifting my weight to change the position of the needle ( yes - we all know how to do that)....


....and therefore, as a result, I have gained weight. Or have I? I dont feel like i have. But according to new scales I have put on 5 lbs. Ordinarily, I would be in tears and hitting the chocolate, bit this time....no. Its just a re-adjustment, as I now have more accurate device to measure myself on. And it probably means that my starting weight was wrong - I was, in fact, heavier than what I thought I was. Which, considering what my start weight was, was an incredibly scary thought.

Onwards and upwards. And I'm still wearing a bikini on holiday...woo hoo!

..there are planty more where these came from. This is what i do when I get bored...

I bloody love the stuff (TC..look away now.....I know your views on this matter). Its not just for breakfast, its the perfect snack. its the quickest and easiest thing to prepare. And it hits the spot.

Its also very WW point friendly....a reasonable sized bowl with skim milk is 4 or 5 points. I currently am seriously into my Special K bliss with strawberries and chocolate, but I also go through phases with Frosties, Cheerios and Coco Pops.

So. In summary. Cereal. A trashy sugar fix that in the grand scheme of things isn't really that bad for you...so tuck in!

With my impending holiday in Corfu with the shiny arsed one, I needed something to catch the rays in.....a burkha was out of the question..I was looking at swindresses.....but TSAO kept going on about me in a bikini, sunbathing topless...you know what an old perv he is. But.....I wasn't confident enought at all to do it.

I tried on some a few weeks ago in Marks and Sparks. I looked hideous. I cried. I started to think that all my efforts in trying to lose the weight were pointless, as I may be lighter, I was a lighter version of little old ugly me. (Never, ever seen myself as pretty - because I'm just as normal and ordinary as they come).

So we have had a few weeks of me having a major wobble in confidence about my body. The thought of going nearly naked in a public place scared me to death. I knew I was upsetting TSAO but i really couldn't bring myself to even think about it.

last night - i though 'fuck it'. I had bought a beautiful little oriental print bra and panties set at the weekend....I just put them on and started to take a few pics.....TSAO loved them.... so i posted the,.. and the reaction...........OMFG!!!!!!!

I have been inundated. never ever had a response like this. I am touched and genuinely humbled. And it has certainly given me my confidence in myself back. i'm no longer just a pair of huge tits..i'm a pretty girl. And that is a feeling i have never, ever had before in my life.

....so, that leads me to the changing room of Peacocks and i buy not 1 but 2 bikinis. Posted a few pics again...hope you like them!


LC
xxxx

At the request of a few of my friends, I have started to blog about my weightloss, and how I have managed to achieve what I have so far.

I'm doing Weightwatchers propoints. [url]http://www.weightwatchers.co.uk[/url] <<<< there is a link to the UK website. For those who don't know how this works, is you are given a daily points allowence based on your current weight (mine is currently 35), and then an additional weekly allowence which you can use at any time ( 42 for the week for me - more than a whole day's worth!). You can also 'earn' extra points from activity, so a 30 min high intensity swim would earn me another 4 points. It is a little fiddly and time consuming to start, but doing WW online means you can use the pointer tracker online and its so much easier than the old days of having to wrote everything out. If me, who has very little time and even less patience can do it, I'm sure you can too!

So what do I eat? lots, if truth be told. Cereal for breakfast, a couple of sandwiches, fruit and a cereal bar /packet of reduced fat crisps for lunch, cereal or soup as a snack when i get in from school and an evening meal such as sweet and sour chicken, pasta, salmon and cousous....and I always have ice cream in some way shape or form for dessert. I would feel deprived other wise.

Now - that pretty much covers my daily point allowence ( oh - I forgot. Fruit and veg are zero points - I have learnt to snack on fruit as I'm a tightwad and I dont want to spend points uneccesarily!) The weekly points? Pizza ( store bought rather than takeaway - I would blow the whole weeks allowence on half a dominos pepperoni passion!), alcohol...bottle of wine is about 15, a shot of bacardi is 2....spirits are your friends when it comes to counting points, the occasional chocolate bar....its all about *not* feeling deprived. And bacuse its not been a massive change from what I normally eat, its been so much easier to stick to.

So why has this time worked when I have failed on numerous occasions before? I have no idea. maybe its because I'm happy and settled. maybe its because I have a wonderfully supportive partner that is encouraging me to do this. Maybe its the borderline diabetes diagnosis. Maybe its the fact i am looking at 40 down the barrel of a gun and I don't want to be fat and frumpy at 40..maybe its a combination of factors....but I tell you one thing.....the reaction of phil when he first saw me after i had lost the initial stone, the reaction of friends who have not seen me for a while, and the reaction of the lovely people here when I posted some pics are going to be the reasons for me to keep going.

I will blog more. I have days when i go 'fuck it I can't be arsed'. But its like riding a bike. fall off, get back on again. And carry on.

I did not bloody imagine this.....

I got too personal. Gave a little too much away. Good to know so many people care.

Have some lo-fi Norwegian loveliness instead.