It's been a while..I know. I apologize. When I'm working my butt off, it seems I'm all out of energy when it comes to extracurricular activities and when I have some time off..well...so much gets squeezed into those few days that I envy people at work..lol.

July 4th..early morning. Had some sleep to cap off the one down day in the 5 I have off. Up to now, it's been run, run, jump, run, run, run.

Friday and Saturday kept the wheels of the old pickup tearing up blacktop. Living in a small town is nice but it has its trade-offs. One of those is "beyond basic shopping". If you don't want apples and oranges, you head for the big city. If you want some fancy kinda hardware..you know, the kind that makes the hardware guy frown and scratch his head, you motor an hour away to find what you need.

The upside of that....eating somewhere other than a mom and pop diner. Even that's a crap-shoot. I let my wife choose where we had lunch the last two times and she's in my dog house for a while. The first time was some preppy, California barely cooked veggie w/ unidentifiable sauce place that left me eyeing the burger joints as we left town. The second was a small "Indian" cafe that seemed to cater to the ethnic community in the area. Now, I love curry and have no problem with minumal meat and overabundance of rice and five-spice but it was overpriced and my wife obviously didn't have a clue what she was getting into. Two bites in, I noticed her fork on her plate and a glassy stare. Two minutes out the door and she needed and emergency curry toilet stop....not good. Next time..I choose.

Sunday...hot, humid..typical July. A birthday picnic in the park for my grand-daughter. Plenty of good people, food and oooohs and aaaaahs for a one year old beauty. Being a grandpa is like no other thing in this world. I don't know what it is..your children take over the parenting role and you get to sit back and enjoy the scenery. Of course...grandma goes nuts with spoiling them while grandpa pulls his hair out and reschedules his payments..lmao.

Finally...4th of July, Independance Day: Birth of a Nation...wow...awesome still after hundreds of years. My youngest daughter marches in her second parade of the holiday and afterwards we head to a family bbq. It's going to be close...we're going to have to practically pull her off the street and fly north so that I can stoke the fires and grill some meat for the starving masses....no pressure.

Oh, did I say finally...my bad. The 5th is my wife's birthday. That means a small, more laid back celebration with some good food and for two months, I get to be married to an older woman...woohoo. And then, that night...back to work for some well deserved rest...sheesh.

There's a line from one of my favorite movies, Apocolypse Now, where two of the characters are chased out of the jungle and back to their boat by a tiger. The one keeps repeating, "don't ever get out of the boat!". Well....if life is like a boat...don't ever get out of it...forgetting to live is the dangerous part. So what if you're exhausted from it, wink.

Peace and Love and Life's Surprises for all.

Country of birth: United States of America
Countrys lived in: United State, Germany, France, Great Britian
Presently living: Illinois, U.S.A.
Languages: English, Spanish, German, Countyboy
Favorite color: Emerald Green
Favorite scent: Baking Bread
Favorite sound: A female whisper
Favorite texture: satin
Favorite taste: spicy
Favorite food: bbq
Favorite drink: doobeydoobeydoo(mixture of mountain dew and monster energy drink...
Favorite clothing: shorts
Favorite unclothing: NN
Favorite body part: eyes
Favorite season: Autumn
Favorite holiday: Christmas
Favorite cheese: smoked cheddar

Most embarrassing moment: being caught masturbating by my mom.
Longest week of my life: the week mom caught me masturbating.
Most frustrating experience: pretty much any toy assembly.
Longest relationship: 17years(presently)
Shortest relationship: 6months(sorry, no one night stands)
Funniest experience: winning mini skirt contest in full drag.
Second funniest: dancing in a thong @ a union party.
Most monetary success in a thong: 50 $1bills in my thong
Most outrageous thong: Blue elephant with 50 $1 bills
First car: 1972, orange Pontiac Ventura II
Most lethal attempt at offing myself: jumping from the hayloft
Why lethal: one word...hayfork
Most prized possession: my first catchers mitt
The thing that makes my wife roll her eyes: My Happy Dance

ah hell, that's enough...

This entry is just to say thank you for all the kind and supportive responses to my last blog. I don't know what I would do without you guys. It's like a family....a big, naked family..lol.

I think my biggest hurdle is seeing my self-worth as a seperate entity from the influence of others around me. Me and the back burner are old buddies. My first concerns are the people in my life and I feed off their happiness and well-being, not to mention depression, anger, fear, doubt..sheesh. Ugh...sounds kinda like some artsy-fartsy vampire movie. Emotional Vampires of the Night....lmao.

Anyways...I'm working on it...slowly.

Again...Thanks so much

Peace and Love and I Vant To Zuck Your...hmmmm...ah, the possibilities there...snicker. omg..i'm really a perv anymore!

There are times in your life you have to do the right thing, even if it's for someone you don't actually like.

There's a guy I work with that is hot-tempered, obnoxious and more than a little stange. He's not at all what I would choose as a friend but he insists on talking to me every chance he gets. You know me well enough...I let him. I can't say no..sigh.

Today, I look up from my gauges and see he has tears in his eyes. damn...ok, i'm hooked. He proceeds to tell me about the last time he saw his son and his boy's last words being, "don't leave, daddy". I'm biting my lower lip by now so I don't start blubbering too. He's been going through a divorce and moved back to Illinois, more than 18hours away from his son, to get resituated with the help of his family. Of course, I know all the details of his breakup from the countless little talks in the past but this is the first time he's talked about leaving his son behind without venom directed at his ex.

So, I listened, I offered inane consiliatory comments to try to soothe his angst and eventually, he moved off. Unfortunately for me...empathic sucker that I am...I'm still running through his situation long after he's gone. I keep coming up with the same question..."why didn't you stay nearer to your son?". Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I approached him with the very same question. He explained that his family thought it would be better for him here, where he could regroup, make a little money and put off his bills waiting back where he came from. Now...I understand their point of view but I also know that parents are our anchor when we are younger because we haven't learned to captain our own ship. Now he's a parent and his son is looking to him to be a father. That's almost impossible being so damned far away. So...I told him what I thought. I don't know if I'm wrong or right but I gave him both barrels. Of course, it was based on what I thought was the right thing to do, the thing that I would do..so....here's what I said:

Go back to someplace closer to where your son is so that he can spend more time with you. He needs you more than ever now, especially during a divorce. You're running the risk of him thinking you've abandoned him and that's a hard hill to climb. The company he works for doesn't pay worth a damn so it's a sure bet he could find something comperable in that area. If he has to rent a room by the week, so be it...if the bill collectors come looking, so be it. The point is to be there when his boy needs him and truthfully, it won't hurt him a bit, swallowing his pride and moving back. It may even help him heal the hurt and anger he feels toward his ex-wife by substituting the love of his son and the fact that he can take a couple of hours to take him fishing or out for a hot fudge sundae.

Anyway....Maybe I was wrong but I couldn't stop myself. It just seemed so damned obvious what the solution to his sorrowful state was. Hmmm..and when I finished, of course I doubted myself. I hate to hurt people...it's just not my bag. I'm the Peace and Love guy..ya know.

Anyway...that's how I spent my Monday...damn

Peace and Love and Prioritize Your Life To Start Living

6 kids, 5 under 7yo, 6 strobe balls, plenty of soda pop, pizza, chips, cotton candy, it's dark, everyone has to pee at the same time, the cattle prod has gone dead and I actually was able to watch about half of the movie despite the screams and laughter and odd smells that permeate the night.....gotta love it.

Who says being a dad/grandfather wasn't worth it. Wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.

Mother nature kissed us on the cheek last night. A couple of hours before heading out to the drive-in, the local forecast called for severe thunderstorms and high winds. For you flatlanders..you know what that means. It's usually bad news between horizontal rain, blinding lightning strikes and trees trying to bend over and touch the ground. Somehow...and I don't have a clue....it pretty much blew right overtop of us with just a sparse sprinkling of rain. The doppler radar showed a nasty storm stretching 200miles square and heading right for us...lots of reds and yellows.. By the time we had situated ourselves, the drops were dry and the clouds had all blown NE at the movies end. So...even though it's Fathers Day...thanks Mama Nature.

Happy Fathers Day to all you out there. Ya know, it's funny. I love my dad and miss him. When this day comes around, I still don't think of it being for me....it's still all about him. This is the second one without him and he is sorely missed.

Peace and Love and Daddyhood is pretty damned cool.

I know it's been too long without posting some strange pic of myself in my blogs but the honest truth is, I've been too lazy to re-install Photoshop.

After the hard-drive update, i spent umpteen hours reloading my base programs and then I just got sick of staring at the "loading" graphics... The pisser is that I've found myself wanting to use it to manipulate some images I have but then deciding it's not worth waiting for it to install. Now, that's lazy.

Maybe I'll take some time this weekend and get it onto my drive..then it's a free-for-all. That is, after taking a couple of vehicles of 3-15yo's to see Cars this Saturday at the drive-in..hmmmm... On second thought..don't hold your breath. Sunday may be spent nursing a massive headache.

Peace and Love and Drive-In Popcorn to you all.

Ummhummm...there's the look. Across the table from my loving wife. The look that says....omg..you hairy freek..lmao.

Perhaps a quick timeline....1979-hair over my collar, cheesy porn star mustache.......1982-short spiked and gelled until it's impervious to wind and atomic blasts......1985-short, conservative, perfect part, ie. boring.....1990-lite shag, easily combed for that carelessly well groomed look......1993-hi and tite, factory dog meets marine makeover......2000-elevator hair, longer then shorter, longer then shorter.....2006-hair way over my collar, almost mid-shoulder, ponytail and dorag, mid-day shadow and dirty looks from the little lady..lmao.

I'm torn. I don't think I'm having a midlife crisis but I kinda like the longer hair. It's a pain in the butt when it's whipping in your face while driving but lays pretty cool and has this rolling curl that flips just right. Maybe I am just making up for the seventies when I lived at home and a ponytail would have earned you a quick trip to ye olde barber shoppe and Bob with his ear-nicking, quick-nacking butcher scissors..brrrr..the horror. At this point I'm taking secret pleasure in measuring the length of my ponytail across my hand, fingertips to wrist. Ok..maybe I don't feel so old this way....hmmm....I wonder if it's long enough for a pair of Willy Nelson braids?

On the lighter side...I can head bang with the best of them.....barring the occasional headache from bouncing around a 45yo brain....Hey..is that Ozzy on the radio...gotta go.

Peace and Love and I'll Clean The Hair Out Of The Drain, Promise

I've noticed more and more that people are using those solar garden lanterns on cemetary plots. Ok, first of all...not cool to drive by a dark, spooky cemetary and see a dim light swinging back and forth in the gloom and doom...sheesh. chicken skin, ya know. I had my nose stuck in plenty of books in the day and I know what a Will-o-whisp is and yeah, i'm all grown up now but still...ya never know... Plus, nobody staying in that cemetary permanently needs a night light and if you're hanging out in the cemetary @ 1am and need a light...you're up to no good. Yes, full on respect for the eternal flame and JFK but not for Billy Bob or Auntie Clara...please!

Peace and Love and Stop Freaking Me Out..sheesh

Ingrid Bergman/Cary Grant...the scene..both are sitting next to each other on a flight to Rio. both, admiring the scenery look to the left, out the window, Ingrid leaning over Cary, faces close. Cary turns his head toward Ingrid, she's so close he can feel her heat on his face, smell her skin. She turns to him, nervous awkwardness, eyes moving over each others face....

I love that moment. No kiss for them yet but in my mind, I can see this scene moving on to the first, tentative kiss, their bodies still held apart by crackling electricity. Then, the mad crush as passion flushes the skin and hearts pound unchecked...into each others arms....damn

I definately have a different view of sexy....

Peace and Love and Electricity

sitting in the back, feeling the heat of the day slowly slipping away. the mock orange scenting the evening air with it's spices...i can't help myself. my shorts become an indistict mound on the wooden decking.

I'm a big guy, have been all my life. does it bother me...sometimes...mostly because it bothers other people. some just can't get past the fact that i'm different. i used to think, to hell with them..what do they know, but then i realized...they know what they were told. if you're not in shape, delightful to the eye...you should be covered as to not offend others senses. sad, really. if you've never been different...overweight, short, tall, pale, handicapped, etc. you wouldn't understand. you may say you do, but you don't.

i hate clothes but i wear them because they are the shrub that the world hides me behind. just think..a fat guy and he's naked...omg. if there's anything to evolution....i would point it in the way of sight. yes, i would give up seeing flowers bloom in the spring, twinkling stars, water lapping on the shore, paintings in the museum, movies at the theater just to have a chance to be accepted for who i really am.

so now, i sit out back in the cover of night, wishing things were different but knowing tomorrow, they'll be the same..sigh....

Peace, Love and Blindness to Standards...