[url]http://xmb.stuffucanuse.com/xmb/viewthread.php?tid=6334[/url]

A recent survey asked,
"what do you like about womens legs?"
... 5% said thighs
.. 4% said calves..

and 91% said SOMETHING INBETWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!....

I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?
Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch , and margaritas into urine.

Paddy is planning to marry, he is,
and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit....
a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...",

you hit her with the shovel.'

DINNER CONVERSATION


WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, .she's left-handed.

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: Shit.

Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed
in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse,'
he mumbles, from behind the mask
'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash
your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my
testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her
embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his
penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other,
lifting and moving them
around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong
with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and
says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but listen
very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

Three Inch Tall Drinking Partner
So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender
"Give me two single whiskies"
"Sure" the bartender replies,
"do you want them both now or one at a time?"
"Oh, both now" replies the guy,
"one's for me and one's for my little friend here"
and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket.
The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked,
"Can he drink?"
"Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey.
"That's amazing" replied the bartender,
"what else can he do? Can he walk?"
With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it.
Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy.
"That really is amazing" replied the bartender,
"Can he talk?"
"Of course" says the guy,
"Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a wanker..."

[url]http://prem.newbienudes.com/A/1245/364145436r.mpg[/url]