Just look carefully............

Remember this the next time you have major surgery and need a blood transfusion!! This is good to know!!




MEDICAL RESEARCH




Australian Medical Association researchers have found

that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit

from receiving chicken blood

rather than human blood.




It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better....




Just thought you'd like to know.

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to an Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.



A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:



Dear Sir,



Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.



The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:




Dear Sir,



Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.





The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:





Dear Sir,



Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.



We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ar*e and go as a toffee apple.

Sneezing On the Airplane:

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her
nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was
still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body
shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to
the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've
sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very
rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still
curious. " I have never heard of that condition
before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

A man joined a Satanic cult and started praying to the dark one.
Lo and behold, Satan actually appeared with a big hammer in his hand and asked him to make 3 wishes.

"3 wishes? But I wanted 100."

"No, you can only have 3."

"But I want 100."

"Do you want to ask your 3 wishes, or should I leave?"

So this guy agrees.
His first wish is,
"I want you to change this giant hammer into a small wooden stick."
And so it happens.

His second wish is,
"I want you to stick this wooden stick up your arse."

No choice left, Satan pushes the stick up his arse with tears flowing down his cheeks.
He roars,
"Ask your third wish!"

"I want you to grant me my remaining 97 wishes, else I'm going to convert this stick back into the giant hammer..."

Moral of the story: You cannot get anything from the management until you put a hammer up their arse.

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex .... She spent the next
hour just rubbing his testicles .....
Something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you love doing that?"
Because ... She Replied .....
"I Really Miss Mine"

Old Chinese Proverb

Confucius say,
"If you are in a book store and cannot find
The book which you are searching for, you are obviously
in the......

HOT AND COLD SEX....

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man:
'You appear to be in good health. Do you have
any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'
'In fact, I do,' said the old man. 'After I have sex,
I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have
sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and
sweaty.'

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said:
'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have
any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an
unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and
chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then
hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know
why?'

'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied.
'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.'