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| Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 11:44:03 AM- Bob, The Atheletic Sperm | ||||||
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied, with a smirk, "well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there". The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!" | ||||||
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| Monday, August 23, 2010, 5:35:59 AM- How to choose coconuts | ||||||
COCONUTS How many people, when out shopping, can really tell good coconuts from bad ones? I am going to share this skill with you now in case I never write the book. CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD COCONUTS AND BAD COCONUTS ?? MAYBE THIS WILL HELP..... GOOD COCONUTS  BAD COCONUTS  HOPE THIS HELPS CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION !! | ||||||
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| Sunday, August 22, 2010, 7:02:33 PM- Picking Fruit | ||||||
Two guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says,"now shove em' all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then e starts to laugh. "Why you laughing?" asked the farmer. To which the man replied, "My friend is out picking watermelons!" | ||||||
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| Sunday, August 22, 2010, 6:45:27 AM- Want A Scoop Honey? | ||||||
A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!" | ||||||
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| Saturday, August 21, 2010, 6:04:25 AM- The Best Time To Process Your Payments | ||
Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch." When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?" "$75 dollars," said the first. The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess. The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two. " $20 dollars" replies the third. The first two start laughing hysterically. "Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!" | ||
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| Friday, August 20, 2010, 12:35:28 PM- A favour for an old friend | ||
There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years. One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life." So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars. He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed. He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female. "What are you doing?" the old man screamed. The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want to see her naked!" | ||
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| Thursday, August 19, 2010, 10:18:09 PM- Comparisons At The Supermarket. | ||||||
Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls." Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?" "No", Sue answers. "That dirty." | ||||||
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| Wednesday, August 18, 2010, 11:00:45 PM- And On The Menu Today We Have... | ||||||
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50. Hand Job: - $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am" The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!" | ||||||
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| Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 7:47:15 PM- Biting Back | ||||||
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother. | ||||||
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| Monday, August 16, 2010, 7:14:27 PM- Suspicious Minds | ||||||
Paddy and his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says:"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed." | ||||||
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