A Canadian got on a plane in L.A. to fly to Australia and he was sitting to a fabulouse looking blond, so he thought he would start up a conversation with her,
so he said: Where you off to?
she said: I'm off to a Nymphomaniacs Conference in Sydney.
He said Oh, what turns you on
She said: American Indians really really give me the hots, I really crave an American Indian.
He said: anyone else?
She said: Yes, Greeks, Greek men really do it for me, I almost orgasm just looking at Greek men.
He said: Whats your name?
She said: Maxine, whats yours
He said: Tonto Papadopoulis !!

Years ago I had some deep financial troubles and i discovered that true friends are an absolute goldmine. My mum was Irish Catholic from Manhatten and she used to say she would give you her arsehole and shit through her ribs, just so long as she was appreciated. I have always tried to live up to that, for someone down on their luck, I've always tried to do something for them to cheer them up; We have friends whose daughter got married a few years ago and they asked me to sand and polish their floors as this was my profession for 30 odd years, so I said yes and they had timber floors right through their new house - 190 square metres of it.
One thing I havent said is that they live 2000 kms away in North Queensland. The weather is pretty much what I would expect Florida to be like _ 30 - 45deg celsius and up to 85% humidity and very uncomfortable to work in, but the mangos, paw paws etc just fall off the trees.
I just spent two weeks up there, they paid me for my diesel and the materials as well as motel accommodation up and back. In all, I saved them almost $6,000 over the cost of a local bloke and god it felt good, driving home after having done a good turn for someone, a friend.

I went shopping today with Krista and what an experience; Is there a science to it? Is it done in an organised manner? what is the thinking behind the effort. The simple fact is, I dont know and wouldn't even try to work it out. You would need to be a rocket scienist to work thst out. We looked for bras; It may come as a shock to most mortals but my wife has had the same tits for over 60 years, so she should know the colour, circumference, projection and the distance between and of course, the distance around!. We went to five different shops that sell this type of hardware, she stared, peroused, inspected, felt the softness, modelled them in front of the mirror (fully clothed), then thought about it long and hard, then moved onto the next shop. We finally bought one from the firdst shop.

I wanted a pair of undies, I too knew the size, colour and style, walked into Kmart, picked them up , up to the checkout and the whole operation was over in two minutes. I bought Joggers, a shirt and some groceries to take away with me. I was finished in under half an hour!! Of course I went alone and that helped otherwise I would have faced a barrage of 20 questions as to why I chose those undies -( because they hold my balls up!!and they look pretty in a manly way, after all not all blokes can wear a red G String !!!) The moral of the story ? Women go shopping for an excursion, the same as men would go for a jog in Central Park.

I used to sell Indian Spices and we used to have women drive for hundreds of miles, then haggle over the price, the quality, stick their finger nail into the chilli powder and hope to God they would burn their arse out from the sneaky way the tore the bag. I almost have a doctorate in studying women shopping. It is so stultifyingly boring, it is like warching paint dry!!!
c.u. in 2 weeks

One facet of my community service is to know when our 12 portable toilets need more paper and when they need emptying. Every 3,500 people through the site means the toilets need pumping our= 450litres x 12. Women use 55% more paper than men unless tight jeans are in fashion, then the figure goes up to 65% this is probably caused by most women who are paper wasters and scrunch the paper, rather than fold it as most men do. These are the eco terrorists who want to protect a renewable resource(trees) yet gobble up psper in the toilet by scrunching it rather than folding it in a thoroughly, decent manner.
Are you a scruncher or a folder???

We all need it to survive, too much and we look like the Michilin Man, too little and we starve. With food comes exercise and that is what most of us evade, ultimately to our detriment in the long run.
I am Diabetic and was gettting worse on tablets, so the Specialist put me on Insulin about a month ago, since then I have had two Hypos from not having enough carbohydrate in the system. Food becomes a critical factor when on Insulin; I am totally stuffed for 36 hours after. It is really life or death and has changed my life tremendously New Years Eve we stayed home to mind the grandson I was shivering and shaking and woke up at 12.30am 2006 after not having enough carbo before injecting. All the goodies and Diet coke went to storage. A valuable lesson for an old man at the start of 2006!!

Gracie (longhotshowers) is back on board and posted a blog, I am so happy for her I have but an inkling of what she has been going through and am thrilled to bits that she is on the road to recovery. Hang in there mate, we all love you and care about you. PTL!!!

A fellow blogger had a straw poll a few weeks ago asking what a sweet smile from a girl meant to you?
When I was 20, it meant she just wanted to be friendly; when I turned 25, it meant that she would like me to satisfy her needs; when I turned 30 and I was married, it became a whole new ballgame it was part of the big picture, it meant a sweet smile was a way of deceit so the male thinks it is his decision but in actual fact has little or no say in that or any decision. I need to say from the outset: My wife is the boss of our house!! I have given up all this bullshit male dominance thing, thinking I was the head of the house (that is only on the census form!). When my wife smiles at me it means I am being pushed further down the pecking order, currently below the dog, the cat and the goldfish.

My personal trainer smiles at me at gym and although sweet in the visual departmment, it is probably revenge for some perceived ill committed by a male in some previous life in one hour she turns a rational thinking male into a blubbering, shaking mess.
My older daughter also smiles sweetly at men, but mutters under her breath "Dad, all men are bastards, the only thing that varies is the degree, they all only want to get into your pants then fuck you off"
So I am left with a somewhat cynical question, what does that smile really mean? Does it mean "I want you and you will soon become part of my universe" or a sweet smile of friendship?

I have my answer, but that is borne out by 36 years of marriage

I was just looking at some pics of a well endowed girl whom I would refer to as a friend here on nn and it reminded me of a wish as a teenager that if I could choose my way of dying, what could be better than asphyxia with your head stuck between a pair of large tits! That would have to be heaven on earth.
Not a great attitude some would suggest, especially as I had just come home from midnight mass, but life is all about priorities.

To the friends I have made here on nn thank you for your support and friendship and I can only hope you have a wonderful Christmas (the next word was going to be 'period' but it could have been mis construed!) with your loved ones. I will feel the same way towards you in June next year, as I feel towards you now and that is very important to me.

Iwas talking to someone in chat last night and said something that I thought was funny , but when I got an adverse reaction, I realised that something that was funny to me, was hurtful to the other party. It was something I deeply regretted, as I dont spend time talking to others in nn to take the piss out of them In this case I needed to apologise for my actions. friends are everywhere, but good friends are hard to find. I spend a lot of time out in the community trying to help others through a service club and yet just a few silly things said as a joke can be very hurtful at times one needs to be sure that the joke is double sided, that both enjoy it, not just the sender.
My new years resolution would hsve to have something to do with respecting others, honour them with the respect they deserve, putting them down is easy, negatives are everywhere. Last night I temporarily joined the 2% of arseholes on nn and I really wasn't proud of myself. To those I have unknowingly hurt in the past, pleass accept my apologies.

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered,
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead,
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too çause he was gay

Ther was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad......
SAhe got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car

Hey diddle diddle the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock