I was around my neighbours pruning her tree for her. She's in her sixties and I'd been speaking with her husband who's in his seventies and he'd mentioned she needed it doing but couldn't do it herself. Whilst chatting away she was asking me about work. I'd stated I wasn't keen on dealing with people as those I deal with generally are not pleasent folk. She said that she always saw me as a people person. This was due to my friendly nature and being easy to talk to. I wouldn't have considered my self as a people person, so this surprised me. It made me think that often how we see ourselves isn't necessarily how others see us. Sometimes it's good to get others input as to how we come across, be it positive or negative we can still learn things about ourselves.

I have been doing my job for nearing twenty years. In essence I have no end purpose, no tangible end product. Due to ongoing massive government cut backs and endless politics the job I joined has long gone. I'd love to leave and do something where I could look back at the end of the day and see I had achieved something. Something more artistic, creative?
I wonder if this is more of an early midlife crisis .
So who's done a job for many years and still enjoys their vocation?

Work of late has been very taxing. Not for the job but due to numerous up coming changes. Today I have realised I have been putting a disproportionate amount of energy into helping others and sorting out their issues at the expense of my own well being. It's in my nature to put others first but after a while it can take its toll. This is exacerbated when those you seek to protect offer no support back. A while a go my neighbour stated I needed to stop putting my head above the parapet. Her logic was sound and I agreed, but when something is unfair I don't seem to be able to help myself but to voice the issues. I believe it is time for a change of role for me and to reprioritise.

I was out driving today when I saw a vehicle I liked and made mention of it. The response I got back was 'it's irrelevant as you can't afford it.' This may well be the case but can we not appreciate something for its asthetics and form? 
We can and we do. We go to art galleries, we go to museums. We look around our surroundings and see things all the time we like and can't have. It can be what drives us, makes us want to achieve. 
It makes sense to me for us to just appreciate what we can't have without questioning so deeply. 
So enjoy things for their beauty.
Right I'm off to appreciate some of you fine people who have been so good as to post your photos.

I understand beauty is in the eye of the beholder, very much a subjective thing. Something not only of asthetics
but also linked to personality.
Today I realised that there is the occasion you come across someone and it dawns on you 'oh my god you are too beautiful for me.'

A slow day at work. Meeting all day. On a plus side thoughts remained where they should. Am I the only one who struggles to stay focused? Mind wanders off far to much. Maybe I ought be doing more with it? Thoughts or advice.

I'm a great fan of music, as most people are. I find the music I listen too is a reflection of what is going on in my mind at the time. I'm currently listening to Depeche mode Somebody.

Let me tell you a short tale about lust and love on the internet. Whether its lust or love depends upon your perspective.
As with any tale of love it starts with two people. So if you will indulge me I will introduce myself as RG. My story is not an uncommon one. A shy guy, yet one who has many a normal urge and carnal desires. It's not to say that I have not had fullfilling relationships but there is always a thrill of the unknown and ease of fantasies. A wandering mind, experimental developmental experiences.
In the modern age of the internet its so easy to find sites to indulge ones vouyeristic urges of real(ish) life. I became aware of one such site to post photos and read errotic stories. Well it seemed like a good idea to join and see what would develope. So i duely joined and created mu profile. I would describe myslef as athletic and posted a few photos which would support this. I would say my visits were adhock, sometimes I would be a regular visitor and other times may go a considerable time between visits. I stayed more in the back ground posting a few photos but mainly comming to see what delights I would see. So on one such visit I was pleasently surprised to see I had mail. I had been on the site for some three years, however during this time I had never recieved an uninitiated message. I was straight away excited and felt a certain unease as I opened the message. Why I really cannot say. I guess it was due to the new experience. I read the message and was pleasently suprised at what was an articulate message, even noting the forward nature of a lady making the first move. I liked it immediatley. So having read the message I went and looked at her profile. To me she would later become My Beautiful Lady, so I will refer to her as MBL. Well I was not disappointed in the slightest. MBL was nine years my junior, had described herself as plump. I would have to disagree and describe her as feminine and shapely. She had graced us with photos on her profile and to me she was stunning. Had I seen her photos prior to the message would I have fallen so hard for her so quickly. Possibly not but later communication created, for me at least, an emotional bond. As part of her message MBL had invited me to chat with her on kik. Well I didn't have a kik account but knew I wanted to see what would develope with MBL. So I set up a kik account and tried to contact MBL. To my suprise, no joy. The username showed no account. So I messaged MBL back. I soon had a response with an altered username to try. And this is where the bond began.
Our communication began, to start of a standard nature. But before that the profile picture of MBL showed me her face for the first time. She was truely captivating, a smile that would brighten the greyist of days and the bluest eyes. Oh how I can look at that image and melt into those eyes as if it's the first time I've ever seen them. My Beautiful Lady. So we chatted, to me it seemed we had lots in common, now that I look back I wonder if I was looking for things in common. Was I making things fit, is it like how we read a horroscope and think wow that me. But when an objective view is gained it's really just vauge enough to cover most people. I like to think we had lots in common and clicked instantly. But maybe I'm a romantic at heart. The conversation continued and as would most likely be expected from where we had first interacted the conversation became errotic. This helped by photos sent. These concreated my desire for MBL, a loss of logic was upon me. The first of her magnificant arse in some sexy black lacy knickers. How I wanted to be able to grab hold of her peachy arse. But then she sent me a picture showing her cleavage, this would get most red blooded males going. For me though it was seeing her biting her bottom lip. I don't know why this drives me wild but seeing this was more than I could have imagined. Our conversation moved onto what we would do to each other how we would please and tease each other. By the time our conversation ended we had been talking for three to four hours. I'm not a big talker so normally this would seem like an age, but time had flown past. Yes our conversation was all through a keyboard but to me had no lack of human nature.
The next few days dragged. I heard nothing, I had already failed to leave it long before I made contact through kik. I had thought I should leave it a couple of days at least. I didn't want to come across as over keen or needy. But no less than a day and I had messaged MBL. So having recieved no reply I waited a little longer before messaging back on the website. I had a response. A beautiful response, a reassuring response, I still look back and think, yes I am apparently needy, more so than I realised. Our conversation resumed. We chatted, normal conversations, finding out about each other. I felt comfortable talking with her. I felt an honesty from her. Yes she had a boyfriend, but she told me this of her own volition. She explained they were more like house mates than partners. I could understand this. I too have been in this position. Its easy to get comfortable with someone, to underappreciate them. We chatted and again photos were exchanged and our conversation became errotic. We were turning each other on, we were exploring each other, we were all but fucking each other. For the next few days this continued. Not just during the evening but day time too. The conversations revealled more and more about ourselves to each other. To the degree that I had fooled myself into thinking I really knew MBL.
So it came to a little over our first conversation and MBL stated her phone had to be sent off for repair. Her birthday was coming up and it was likely that I would not speak to her before. MBL stated it would be only a couple of days. I thought that would be hopeful, but looked forward to our conversations starting up. Five days had past and no further contact. I sent birthday greetings on the website and kik. Nothing, but it was ok I expected MBL to be away. Then I recieved a message on the website. My heart sank. Her boyfriend had become aware of her conversations with me. She had had a heart to heart with him and they were working on thier relationship. We could no longer chat. I sent her my reply wishing her the best, what else could I do. And I meant it, I wanted what was best for her and for her to be happy.
Now I had got myself in a position where I was thinking of MBL last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I was besotted by her. I know I had never met her in person, was this really her, I don't know, how could I. Now I'm not big into computers but I am tenacious. I had looked through the internet to see what I could about MBL. It is amazing just how mkuch you can find out about someone from the comfort of your sofa. Yes I appreciate that this sounds very much like the behaviour of an internet stalker. Is this what I am. I'd say no, but could understand if you disagree. Infact I question it myself. So stupidly I added MBL to my twitter account. This was prior to recieveing the message about no longer being able to communicate with me. So it came as no suprise when I was blocked by MBL on twitter, a slight twinge of shame. I should have spoken to her first, I should had thought it through first. Impulsive is not good it would seem.
So now MBL has left the website and I am left thinking what could have been. I have the romantic side which says it could have been beautiful. I have the realistic side which says, I didn't know her, she lived three hours away, she was much younger than me, she was probably just after a little bit of fun. Yes I know it's lust, love needs more than we had. But those beautiful blue eyes and that gorgeous smile...........
Enjoy the internet for what it is, make connections with people but don't read too much into things, life is for living and remember "In the darkest of nights the starts shine brightest."