Back in February there was a situation in which I was faced with holding a suicidal man in my arms and had to keep him awake and alive. He had tried to kill himself over the course of a 4 day period by taking pills and cutting himself. It's a very long story as to how it all came about and how my partner and I were involved. I will write later on how a lonely man thought he had nothing. His story should be told because it's important to spread the word about how our military veterans suffer.

Suffice it to say, he was an officer, a former Iraqi Vet and was new to the job and California. Today, after being in this mans life, he now means a great deal to me. For the months following his attempted suicides, I was in the psych ward with him 3 days a week for follow up visits and to make sure he wasn't alone. We became even better friends and even though he has now moved back home (to another state) we remain in touch. M. is doing much better and has been under the care of a physician since moving.

No one ever goes into a situation thinking of what they will receive after it's all said and done. You do a job, you get a thank you here and there, now and then a few letters of appreciation comes along. But that is not what you expect when you go along your days. I enjoy my career. It's non stop, never dull, I get to meet people, help out, fix problems and work with some of the finest men and women around. Who wouldn't enjoy that?

Now months later, it has all settled down. I never dreamed of what would happen next. My partner and I are being awarded our Departments Award of Valor and Bravery. It still hasn't hit me. It hasn't hit my partner. We sat in silence when we were told. There are no words when someone congratulates us. I called M and told him. He cried for me and I cried for him. He is the brave one. M. continues his treatments and our friendship will remain strong for a long time to come.

Still no words.

On another note, I want to thank Roxanne, Guitar and Tux for letting me cry to them about this. I wrote Rox about 5 long paragraphs venting. That woman is a peach.

Exhausted! My candles have been burning like the dickens.



What happens when you run out of candles with just two ends? You try to find candles that have 4 ends. Does anyone know where I can find them?

There is so much going on at the moment. It began months ago, but I haven't had the time to write about it. I log in every few days or at times up to a week, just to peek in and have a giggle for a few moments. I hope everyone is doing well. There is no time to catch up with any of you.

Toodles! And don't forget to find those 4 ended candles for me.
xoxo

My departure from the blog world is over. I return with a bang!

During my absence I have noticed a trend in how my skin color seems to rattle people. There have been three instances in which the term "you're white" has been the focal point another's utterance to me. I will put them in chronological order. I have noticed this for a few years now. And it doesn't seem to be just me being the subject of it.

1. At the doctor's office during my time with the flu.
The nurse was taking my blood pressure and she said "It's a good thing summer is coming, you're so white and could use some color on your skin.

2. While shopping in San Clemente. I was dressed in a summer dress with roman sandals and was looking at a West Indies dress. The sales lady told me that I was 'too white' to fit the style. I replied with "Excuse me?" So she changed her tone and said "Well, from the way you are dressed you appear to be more of the nautical type. I walked out. She lost a sale or two.

3. Saturday I was out to lunch with the Father of my boys. We were at a Greek Cafe and I was ordering. I mispronounced a few words, but the waitress still understood me. The ex laughed and told me I was so white and it showed. (btw, the ex is white as well) Anyhoo, I had enough at this point and spoke up to him with this reply: *warning, attitude ahead*
"I'm white? I'M WHITE? Of course I'm white. Why the hell would you say that to me? Of course I'm white. I'm not going to hide it. Should I apologize for it? Am I supposed to be ashamed? What the heck is wrong with you? You do know that you're white as well? Right?

He was shocked that I was so forceful with my response. I'm not one to be so disrespectful, but this time it had to be said. Why in the hell is going on out there? Why the White Bashing?

From this day on, if anyone tells me that I'm white....well.......they will be met with a few choice words. There isn't anything wrong with being white. Nothing what so ever.

It can make you physically ill. I want it to pass. A person can do everything right in order to get by, but at times an unexpected financial problem can ruin it all. I pride myself on smiling no matter what is thrown at me. Not this time. This time it has me by the gut.

I am the queen of optimism. I had to take my crown off.

The fun on NN just isn't in the cards for me right now.

Even the strongest of wills cannot overpower the strength of a tear.

Yes people, I cry. After all, I am human.

Due to the Holiday here in the US, we will play Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

All players will post these names at the bottom of their participant blogs. When anyone views a blog, they know who to view later as the blogs are posted.

I would like to remind all of the players to view the other participants entries.

I look forward to seeing all of them.

guitartxn, Artistic, Shyguy1976, WendySilvia, heydidyagrabmyass, amancalledpony, tickle_me_elmo, redvs4u, thatwilldome, hackelberry77, SunGod_dess, Artistic, boomer177_1 and me...tight_wet_lips

Maybe Will can make it.

The last week or so there has been an influx of calls on Suicide Prevention and Intervention. The group has been busy with calls at all hours of the night. It's a part of the process and when we take a phone home, it has to be answered and we never know how long the call will take. No complaints.

But earlier today someones foot had to be removed from their jaw. We were sitting around the table discussing the calls and one of the officers walks in, sits down, sighs and says:

"All of these calls are killing me"

We all looked at each other with with quizzical emotions, raised our eyebrows and snickered. We then stared at him, tilted our heads and cleared our throats. At the realization of his fopa he uttered the words "Oh shit"

There are teeth marks on his shoes.

It's all good because ...well......hell.......IT'S A NEW YEAR!
And that is the best part of this night.



I'm going back to sleep. When I wake it will be a new year for all of us. Hello and Happy New Year from me....xoxoxx

People in Los Angeles are numb to some of the things around them. I know all about Los Angeles and wasn't shocked. But while in the course I attended at the PD, there were some individuals who could not grasp some of the things or people they saw.

One of the visitors refused to go out to lunch or leave the building because she saw rats wandering about freely in the middle of the day. She also saw a homeless guy just unzip his pants and pee while standing at a red light.

The funny thing is, the Los Angelian's laughed at her and not the homeless guy. They were numb and she was human. But in all reality, what was to be done? Nothing.

I told her that Los Angeles is eclectic and that if she goes out she can see the beauty of what is around her. Even in 3 days, she could see the glorious buildings. Go see historical Union Station and Olvera Street. The Justice Building is one outstanding piece of artistry and worth every second viewing all of the stones.

I even asked her if she wanted to walk around with me, so I could show her some uplifting things. But she wouldn't budge. Oh well. The homeless or rats didn't keep me in. I handed out a few bucks here and there and bought chips and soda for a few homeless. When you see such sights, you are grateful for what you have at home.

Who has been to Los Angeles and know of the weird things seen on the streets? Now this is downtown Los A. Not the Hollywood side....lol

I am thinking about buying a house.
So far I have been living the luxury apartment life. There are advantages to this type of living. It has been great to have someone else be responsible for the upkeep and maintenance. The ability to up and move where ever I want is a plus. The management is responsible for the security and I can live on the top floor away from prying eyes.

Buying a home is something I can afford to do on my own and that makes me proud.
Yes, things would change for me financially and I would have to give up on some female luxuries.
But it is worth it to say "I bought this without assistance and it's all mine"

I just have to make the decision and go for it. I know the benefits are even greater because it would be mine and no one can take it from me, I can own pets, do as I want with it and leave something for my sons.

I will be looking into places as soon as I make a decision on where I want to plant roots.