I know. I often thought of looking in here again - but I never did until lately. And some people actually noticed that I had logged in. Thanks so much for your lovely messages - did you really miss me so much? Why didn't I do it before? The moment was just not structured that way.

I am not at the computer as often as I did in the past. I'm still a full-time mother - Alpinita keeps me really busy. She mentions daily how keen she is on getting a brother or a sister (she'd prefer a brother, I know). And since I read all her wishes from her lovely eyes, I do my best to speed up the affair, and Phillip does his best, too, which is a particular pleasure to me. So far without success. I am an only child, and both my parents were - who knows if I carry this in me and pass it on.

It's snowing in Zuerich at the moment - how fast the little world outside turns white. The cat is coming to my window all through the lawn - look how she already lifts her paws, as she hates snow. I better let her in - she will then lie down between my keyboard and the screen and have a nap.

We are all fine - have a new car, enjoyed wonderful Christmas holidays back in Austria (I cried a little when I entered my house). I was offered a teaching job at a local high school (they call it Gymnasium, the same type of school I was teaching at before), not far from where we live. Only a few lessons, mind you, for a woman who is pregnant - from May to July. I have not decided yet. But my heart beats faster when I think of it, so who knows.

Pushing my pram with little Alpinita in it (if she concedes to be tired - because she wants to explore her world walking nowadays)I often come along a little river in central Zuerich called Sihl, not far from the railway station and the tourist hotspots. It is where you can find one prostitute after another at night and half the male population of the country cruising up and down in their cars. There are so many girls that the market has almost collapsed, so they are all after a quick discount fuck.

The girls are almost all from Hungary - young, good-looking and even well-educated - but strapped for cash. They see it as maybe the only way to improve a desolate financial situation, theirs and that of their families. Why not go to Europe's economic paradise, they may have thought, and pick up the money in the streets where is must be lying about in heaps?

What you could read in the newspaper and which is hard to believe in this miniature country of the free: they are virtually held as slaves, threatened, beaten and exploited in a terrible way, as one could read in the aftermath of a court case against their slave masters - foreign and national businessmen.

What is interesting: when you come to Zuerich from another country, there is almost no chance for you to obtain a work permit. It you come and say you want to be a prostitute, you will easily get a permit in exchange for a few Swiss francs. But only for a month - who on earth wants, is the logic of the authorities, fuck the same hooker twice?

When I walk back after six along this way, many of them are already standing there grotesquely half naked - they have to begin early as they can only charge discount prices and must hand in a fixed sum the next morning. Sometimes I said hello to some of them, but there was never a reply. I can understand this well: although I am a woman, they see me as part of a system that makes possible what happens to them.

We went to the same club again on Wednesday and it was packed. Some people already recognized me and nodded in my direction, when we got though to the bar to buy ourselves some drinks. I took some Italian red wine, my all time favourite.

There were girls dancing at the poles again, and there was some live sex like last time. I noticed that Phillip got particularly excited when we witnessed a two women act, which I also found erotic. They were good indeed, as if there really was some attraction between them and not only the promise of money. I gently rubbed Phillip's crotch when I saw his bulge and he had to ask me to stop so that he didn't soil his pants. What seems to have excited him most was that some folks saw me do this.

Someone asked us if we also wanted to come to their house afterwards for some real fun, but unfortunately this would be after midnight, when our babysitter wanted to be home. So we had to decline the offer, but I noticed that Phillip was quite keen - we'll have to find another babysitting arrangement one of these Wednesdays, that is for sure.

I'm back from a surprise week-end trip to Burgundy, France, with Phillip and some other newspaper people. We were on a houseboat on one of the canals and had a very good time with regional food and drinks. Burgundy is only a 3-hour-drive from here, and Angelika looked after the little one. It was the first time I left her for so long.

The boat was very nice, there was room for about 12 people, with cabins with two beds, of which we only used one although they were pretty small. It was a time of pleasant marital sex, without an ear for Alpinita all the time, but still noiseless as the walls were thin. The boat was very slow, and as it plodded up the river Saone, and the sun was shining so hot, we now and then went back to the cabin also during the day - and it was not always easy to keep so quiet when Phillip made me cum again and again. So the people were often smiling when we went back to our deck-chairs and hat another glass of Sauternes.

By the way: On Thursday our babysitter will be coming again, and Phillip is very keen on going back to the club. He makes me keen, too.

"Be honest, Alpina. what did you like better: the ordinary swingers club you went to with Aldo, with all the maybe middle-aged and ugly people, but horny and wildly copulating, or this posh club with its floor-shows and erotic atmosphere. Because I have my suspicions, as I remember your deep down sexual fantasy you mentioned in your blog," wrote one of my regular readers in his PM.

Of course, best is to be with Phillip - this is the first answer. And the second is: I am sure Phillip would not go to the first club, because he is different: he never loses himself totally to something, he always wants to keep control. That's what the guys do in the swingers club, too, but there they are just overwhelmed by the number of women they can fuck - it makes them greedy. Phillip would never get greedy: he can have enough women without going to a special place. He is not one for sexual fast-food.

Now for me, I must admit, it is different. I think women in general do not collect men, we are always after the deepest emotion or the best feeling. I want to be so overwhelmed that I lose myself totally - that it makes me float and then sink into it, that my feelings drown all my thoughts: that I can feel, feel and feel and noting else. This happens to me with Phillip. It happened to me with Maria, for those who remember. But it also happened to me in the swingers club.

I don't know if there is a chance that the posh club can ever do this to me.

Some people seem to be aching to hear what our visit to the club led to. Here is the answer: Not much then. I didn't climb the Matterhorn in Phillip's pants there and then - this came later, at home. But we had some more drinks and I saw with interest what was going on. I could not do on a pole what some of the girls did - they were so unbelievably flexible. I had known that you can smoke part of a cigarette with your pussy, but I had never seen it done live. A strange kind of in- and exhaling, if you ask me, but maybe the dream-pussy for a smoker eating it out - who knows.

According to Phillip there were key games going on on some days, when the women drew the keys to some upstairs rooms which were rented by guys for the occasion. And there also seem to be auctions of some kind. But we didn't take part in anything. We saw some oral sex performed, though, when a girl sucked the guy from before off and swallowed it all (or they were pretty good actors).

At home I promised Phillip to follow him there whenever he felt like it, and when I told him how wet I had become, there was no stopping him.

I got up with a few dark thoughts this morning, despite the sunshine. I left the house and felt the wet lawn under my feet, I heard the birds sing and plunged into the pool. No sound under water, just the reflections of the light above me. I didn't move for a long moment - and then I broke the surface to the normal world again.

Still naked I turned on my computer and found this PM: "I don't see many comments the past week. I hope, like me, your getting a few private messages... I don't know how anyone could not like you. I like you. Is love too strong a word?! I probably know you better than some of my 'friends'! And all I get to see of you is an ankle!... I've been following your blog for years. It makes me pay for the Newbienudes fee every year".

Isn't the word wonderful?

I sometimes forget that I am mortal. This hit me with some force when I looked at my father-in-law's dead body, and I felt also sad for myself. This will be my end, too, I knew, it's only a question of time. And then Alpinita with look at me like I did at him. He had never really liked me - had hoped his promising son would marry into a prominent family. But Phillip defied him to the end.

Grandpa looked much more relaxed in his death than I had ever seen him before. There was a little smile on his white lips and he didn't look unpleased with himself - I had never seen him so peaceful before. And a day later he was eaten by the roaring fire that makes all people look the same.

Now we are back in Zuerich. Not much has changed, besides the before-mentioned feeling how brittle and coincidental our existence is.

Phillip's father died last night. He was only in his seventies. We will be back in Austria for some days. See you afterwards.

The club Phillip led me to was not your usual swingers place - full of middle-aged couples of all sizes and looks - like the one I used to go to with Aldo. It was more like a posh erotic bar, and he paid the entrance fee with his credit card. Single guys pay much more, he told me, as single women are free. Not everybody is admitted, it seems, your looks must be approved of by a surprisingly young, beautifully dressed couple, the owners as I found out later, before you are allowed to enter. It's not what I am particularly fond of, democratically minded as I am.

There was a certain expensive elegance inside, slow music and a totally nude girl dancing with an empty chair. Phillip held my hand as we entered, and many eyes looked in our direction: Phillip looked absolutely gorgeous in his beige summer suit - I was so proud of him. He seemed to know a few people as there were nods and handshakes from several people, including a few women. We had a drink and chatted amiably with some bystanders, while our eyes rested on another girl who looked absolutely ravishing as she slowly undressed.

When she was totally naked she approached the bar and leaned over it, some ten meters away from us, as if she wanted to order a drink. She was approached by a guy in some kind of coat, which he quickly put aside so that he was as naked as she. He was almost of Aldo's size, as he stood behind her and with few preliminaries entered her pussy from behind and started to move inside her while holding her hips. The girl arched her back and went with his rhythm - you could not hear a sound besides some sighs of the bystanders, and I suddenly felt so wet I thought I would flood the place. In the semi-darkness I felt for Phillip's crotch beside me - he was as hard as the Matterhorn and almost as big.