I was asked what my dark Sister Hyde side felt about the whole wedding business: an interesting question. I admit she has been quiet and hidden lately. But there are still things that please her - like the private message I received from a friend this morning, which she liked a lot and which even aroused her pretty much:

"My lazy Sunday morning.
So it's Sunday and I'm being lazy and lying in bed. But I can't sleep because thoughts about a girl called Alpina are in my head and refuse to leave. I'm lying naked and I throw the covers off, my cock is already half hard half soft as thoughts of her soft round breasts and her freshly fucked red raw pussy come to my mind. I begin to stroke my cock, it gets harder and harder but I donit want to cum - I want to savour the moment as I think about the words I have read of hers, I think about her lying on the edge of the pool getting her pussy licked and I imagine I am doing the licking, I imagine myself with her in a jacuzzi and my hand finds a her soft wetness under the pool surface. My cock wants to cum now but I'm holding it back because I want to stop and tell her all that I have done today. So she knows that somewhere out there, someone is pleasured by her right now".

PS: If God hadn't wanted people to masturbate, he would have made their arms shorter. His - and mine.

I felt a sudden pang when I read GioFromItaly's "bye bye" under my latest blog - it had such a definite ring of finality that I immediately tried to find his blog and his profile - but all was gone. It is to be feared that Gio has left - after such a long time of wonderful NN-companionship. Maybe he is another of my friends who have noticed that online friendship can only go to a certain point, but once you have arrived, there is just emptiness - and the recognition that it is dangerous to neglect real life. It's so much better to love those you are really close to than just the shadows on the computer screen who fill you daydreams. If Gio does not come back, it is very sad - he was one of my readers who really understood me - a soulmate. He was also the person who was very, very close to discovering my real identity - he knew me so well.

So if you really have left: bye, bye, my dear friend Gio, to who I would have liked to be more, if only I had been able to.

Thank you, Acey, for your pleasant and encouraging comment; you were one of the first people to react favourably to my blog almost two years ago, and so you are very close to my heart.

I didn't write much lately, though. The reason is that I live much more in the real world now than I did in the last two years, when I first had my sabbatical and when Phillip was away, and when there was more time for contemplation. I meet people during the day or I am at the pool when the weather is fine. In the evening I often went out with Phillip, to the Bregenz Festical for example, or just for a walk in the nearby forest (sometimes with quite naughty aims). And next week school starts again, which keeps me busy, too.

There are a few nice and erotic things I could write about - but what was most special was the party at the Editor's about a week ago. I had told Phillip what had gone one between the old man and me, particularly that I had helped him to an orgasm which he said might have been his last one because the doctor's didn't allow him to take more Viagra due to his heart problems, and Phillip had reacted as I had expected: he was quite intrigued and asked a lot of questions and was visibly aroused. It's something which is still difficult to grasp for me: how Phillip becomes excited when I tell him of physical contacts with other men.

At the party I was very proud of Phillip because a lot of very favourable things were said about him, and the Editor really seems to have taken a fancy to him and his abilities (Phillip maintains that it is also because of me and my abilities ..). But most special was when I was alone again for some moments with my aging friend, and he spoke to me the way he seems to like best (his one probing hand between my legs, the other other lightly on my breast): He told me Phillip had asked him to speak at our wedding at Christmas, and if I agreed he would do this gladly.

I have mentioned before that we are going to have an non-religious celebration, and so I told him that I could not imagine anybody more wonderful to speak at my wedding than him - and judging from the intimate little sqeezes he let me feel, he was utterly pleased, too.

It's raining again - and I have some time for my computer after I neglected it a little due to the beautiful panty weather over the weekend that kept me outside - and the fact that Phillip still does not know about NN. I had a good time - the party at the Editor's on Friday, a lazy Saturday at the pool, a Sunday afternoon on the Editor's yacht on the lake - the first time this summer. Some of you might remember that this was always very special last year.

Today I will go shopping and meet Tanja for some coffee. I have not seen her for quite some time and wonder what she is up to these days. She phoned me the other day and it seemed to me she wanted to tell me something important when she suggested meeting. I might write about the weekend later - I have time because Phillip left for Vienna early this morning and will stay for some days. This business trip also enables him to meet our "stepdaughter" Angelika who is about to leave hospital care, and maybe he will take her back here. We will see if she feels like spending some time in the countryside with us.

Joerg maintains that Johanna's pregnancy can already be seen. So we asked her to take her clothes off and turn round before us; we couldn't see anything, however, but that she is beautiful, so radiant, womanly and proud. Her pregnancy has made her quite a different person: she has grown more serious, responsible, also more distant (which worries Joerg, as her pussy has become off limits for him). She has also stopped shaving off her body hair - which makes her look much more adult (she is not a real blonde, which I had thought she was). How will I change - should I ever be in this situation? I'd love to bear Phillip's child.

Jacuzzi was relaxing as usual, although we were quite late as we had to wait for thunder and lightning and torrents of rain to cease. We were horsing around and had fun all evening, but I noticed that they now hesitate to touch me, as if they don't know if they can still do this - now that I belong to somebody else. One does not finger other's property. And I myself was insecure in the new situation: I am not supposed to enjoy erotic play with others anymore, am I - now that I belong?

Another of these days - today with rain. There was a big, round moon smiling from the night sky last Monday and gently exerting its powers over its big companion earth - and my insides reacted as usual with a flood of blood (maybe this will stop in a few months ?!) There is not much I have to say - I am a little down and tearful like always in this situation, and looking back it explains why some of my last texts express some premenstrual sexual arousal. I should know and be able to read the signs, but I usually can't.

Many of my online friends and blog readers seem to be away from internet connection and enjoying holidays anywhere in the world - thanks for being here, depotguy, and making my blogs not look like a desert. It seems, however, that some of my former regular readers have permanently left - NN is a place that promises so much more than it can hold, I know. Noone can permanently dream of what can never come true. There is no hope without a trace of possibility. So whenever some dear friend contacts me with overly warm words and even expresses feelings of love, I know I will lose him (less often her) ere long. So it goes.

By the way, I am really greatful to all who point out mistakes to me as I am a learner of a foreign language and also have my blog to practice my written English. But as I instantly correct what was formerly wrong, some comments may appear a little awkward afterwards as they don't relate to anything anymore. So it might be better to inform me by private message, if this is not too bothersome for you.

Sweet, leisurly summer's days - as I am still off school (for another ten days) while Pillip leaves early, works pretty hard and only comes back after six. I ought to be doing some work, too, filing last year's teaching materials, updating my diary, planning ahead for the next school year, but I am lazy, do this and that but don't finish anything. It's warm outside and in the house, so I don't wear much: panty days I call them, although I slip them off ever so often to have a dip in the pool. I am all calm, sexually satisfied - other than all last year when I often felt restless - I feel a little lingering breathlessness from this morning's orgasm, and a characteristic ache between my legs from penetration when I walk. A look into the mirror has shown that I am still all red from use. I feel so much cared for lately, so very quiet and satisfied.

On Friday night we'll be at the Editors house - I'll ask Phillip what he wishes me to wear for the occasion which seems to be quite formal. But I'll dress for him - whatever it is he prefers. Tonight we might drive over to Switzerland if Phillip is not too tired. They have their National Day today and there are fireworks all along the Lake.

I hope you can enjoy the day as much as I can - and are equally satisfied.

I am reading the novel "The Lay of the Land" by Richard Ford, such a great text about his three-time hero Frank Bascombe who is quickly becoming the literary figure I know best. (I already met him in "The Sportswriter" and "Independence Day" - the novel, not the film). It's not that I could identify of course - men's thinking is too enigmatic for that - but I think I can understand him and at least try to feel with him. Ford is so good and precise with words that I almost start suffering from writer's block - compared to his poignant prose what I can produce is just harmless gobbledigook. Such a pity that there is noone who ever developed such a differentiated female character - there are of course a lot of well-designed literary heroines, but noone dissects his characters as thoroughly as Ford and shows what it means to live today. If only I could write like him. But I can't, and I have to accept it.

Proof that life is bliss: I am sitting naked on the edge of my pool, the sun is shining from an azure sky and touching my skin all over. The stone slabs I am sitting on warm my bare bottom, my feet are dangling into the cool water. I am leaning back and look up into the blue; the sky is so high and so far - a giant dome arching over my small world. I feel the cool grass under my back - it's tickling my skin. I am just lying there and enjoying.

Enjoying that in the water there is Phillip, right between my spread knees, and he is gently licking and sucking me, his eager and experienced tongue finding all the spots and nooks and crannies that heighten my pleasure. He does not touch me otherwise, there is just this electric contact between his tongue and my wide open insides. And I know he won't stop until I float up into the sky, until I moan and shout and all becomes one. It could stay like this forever.

I am back, awaiting Phillip later in the evening for dinner - I have taken some lamb and veggies out of the freezer as there was no time for shopping. Angelika is fine - compared to last time I saw her. She will be out of the hospital in a few days and I have offered that she can stay with us if she likes, until she is better. She has not decided what to do yet, but will let me know. She thinks there will have to be great changes as her life as an escort is over. There will be scars on her body that will mark her forever - down her legs and on her chest. She showed me. Her breasts are as beautiful as ever. And so is her face. But the fresh scars look frightening - impossible for a high class escort, she pointed out - maybe something for the freak market. There seem to be guys that cum on anything. It's of course not her intention.

On the way, I talked a lot with Elsie who had come along and been driving me. I told her everything about my holiday with Phillip and our decisions. She was genuinely pleased. She told me of her threesome life with Joerg and pregnant Johanna. Johanna will stop working after the summer holidays, and Elsie will take over some of her lessons. Johanna still refuses penetration but Elsie says they are very close - sleeping all three in their big bed and having no secrets whatsoever from each other.

When I told Phillip about them, he didn't say much. It's still that he and Joerg and Elsie don't seem to be compatible. It saddens me, but it can't be altered - and everyone has accepted it. Still it's a pity. I would have liked Phillip to blend into my group of friends. The have invited me to a meal and jaccuzzi on Thursdays and I will go there, I am sure Phillip won't mind, as he never has so far.