I had Angelika on the phone this morning - the oxygen tube is out, but her voice is hoarse so she can barely whisper. Breathing still hurts her a lot, but it works again and that's the point. I have told her that she can stay in my house as long as she wants once she is out of the hospital, and she gladly accepted. I am so happy she is out of danger.

Then I went to town and did my shopping for the weekend. I'll do dinner for Elsie, Joerg and Kueken tonight, as I have not seen them all week. Today and tomorrow I have to mark my last papers and tests for this school year, and then summer can finally come. Next week there are some last lessons, and staff meetings, and the official celebration of this year's final exams. Not all of my class have passed, and they will have to repeat the whole last year if they want their degree. So it goes.

But first I'll be sitting outside and enjoy the sunny day now. Naked, with sun on my skin, a good book in my lap and a cold drink at my side - that is quality time of the kind I really like best.

I know some of you expect a full description of what it was like with Phillip that Saturday night and what exactly he did to me and what I did to him. But I won't - I have done it so many times already. Just that I melted in his hands again, that I felt if I ever wanted to suck a cock forever, it was his (on my knees) and that I ended up virtually xxxxxxxxxxx.

On Sunday we visited Angelika in the hospital again, and although she was so badly, she seemed to notice the renewed bond between her father and me, and she tried to smile all around her oyxgen tube.

During dinner Phillip and I decided to go on holidays together at the beginning of July, not to see ruins and cathedrals like in the past, but to a quiet place somewhere - a retreat to think about us and our future, as he put it. Oh how I loved his "us" and "ours" - more than he could ever imagine.

Wow - 30000 !!! Thanks my friends for coming here so often. And thanks for your good wishes and messages. "Don't torture us, tell us how Phillip fucked your brains out," a friend who knows me ever so well wrote. Yes, I admit to being thoroughly brainless since Sunday, and it was so good losing it.

I have not mentioned Phillip for quite some time, on purpose, since someone advised me to use the P-word less often and think forward and for myself. I did that - and although I succeeded in getting him out of my mind at times, I never got him out of my system. I could make the test anytime: as soon I thought of him, my insided melted and I got as wet as after an inside monsoon. He left me for a year to be the London correspondent for the Press House as some of you will remember, but now this year is over, in about three weeks to be exact.

I dreaded this moment because I didn't know how to go on from here, but Angelika's accident brought us together early and unprepared, as I mentioned in my last blog. And everyone who suspects that I didn't spend Saturday night in my lonely Vienna hotel bed is so right. And boy oh boy - how thoroughly he did fuck me.

Thanks for your prayers and good wishes, my friends. Our child is badly hurt, but - according to her doctors - she will live. You see I call Angelika "our child" - I am trying out how this reads and sounds. Our child. I call her this because .... But let's begin at the beginning.

I arrived in Vienna too late to go to the hospital on Friday, so I found myself a room in a hotel close to the station and slept immediately as I wanted to see Angelika early. I found her in a pleasant single room - she is not in intensive care anymore. Her beautiful face is unharmed - not a cut. I was so glad for her. But the rest of her body is bandaged, and all the clicking and whirring monitors around her bed make it a ghastly sight. Her left arm is in a large cast, and her left leg is heavily bandaged and suspended and stretched. It seems to be broken in different places. Her rib cage seems to have been crushed in the accident, so she still can't breathe herself and gets oxygen through a tube which gives off a horrible Darth Vadar sound now and then. She was asleep when I came, so I just sat down in a chair and looked at her, and then I was reading Philipp Roth's "Everyman" - which is maybe not exactly the right text for this situation.

She didn't wake up all morning, so I left her to eat a bite after twelve, and when I came back, Phillip was sitting at her bed. My Phillip - her father - who must have flown in from London for the same reason like me. I had not expected this and neither had he expected me - so both of us felt really awkward. But Angelika had opened her eyes in the meantime. She could not speak of course, not even smile. There was just this very sad look from her beautiful eyes, and tears rolling over her cheeks. But she obvious recognized us both.

For a very long time, Phillip and I were standing on either side of the bed, unable to touch her for fear it would hurt, but trying to be so close that she could feel we were there.

I am just here for short as I will leave from here in an hour. Yesterday I read in the paper that two deputy ministers had a car accident; one was instantly killed and one was seriously injured. Oh well, I thought, there are many of those. I must admit that to my shame it didn't worry me much.

But now I got a message that they were not alone - the paper didn't mention that, but there were two more people seriously injured, two prostitutes who were with them, and one of them is Angelika. She is in Vienna in hospital and I will travel there tonight, by train. I don't know how she is, but thanks to God she is alive.

So I won't be here until at least Monday; if things go badly I might stay longer if my help is needed in any way. I just wanted to tell you in case you were missing me. Kiss you all, my friends, keep your fingers crossed for the girl.

Actually, and this is something you don't know because I never told anyone: When I masturbated with guys online, I never did it for free - it always cost them something. First they never wanted to believe when they asked "Wanna cyber?" or "Are you wet?" and I told them so. It soon showed that what I asked for was too much for most. They could not give so much, even if they tried hard they lacked the resources.

Yes, it cost them really a lot, but although I never went under 1000, there were some who did it and then they could enjoy my full attention and the whole force of my erotic language. And they could be sure I did it with them.

1000 - you say: this girl must be crazy. Why - 1000 words of course - that is how much they had to say to me at least before they could have me. 1000 funny, entertaining, honest, sexy, erotic, arousing words. I said I was never cheap ....

I wondered why benandtoni can touch my insides so perfectly that I start touching my outsides. Finally I think the reason is that they are really a couple having sex. Like most women, I do not react very much to explicit depiction of sexuality if it is only done for money - and that's why most pornographic pictures and films are made. Guys are - to my knowledge - less critical and enjoy what they see. But when you try to feel, you can notice easily that the general atmosphere at the porn set is professional and cold and the women thoroughly unimpressed.

Even here at NN, where there are a lot of amateurs - which means ordinary people in a relationship - I am not always inspired with what I see. Unfortunately there is so much resignation, boredom, sadness or fear in women's eyes, even if - or maybe because - they take part in very explicit sex acts. And they cannot even look forward to some extra money, as they just do their marital duties. There are, for example, so many videos here of women sucking their partner's cock - who cowardly only expose the women's faces as expected. Look at the women's eyes: there seems to be so much misery around.

Benandtoni are different: although toni sometimes looks a little sceptical and stoic while putting up with the artist's advice and arrangements, they have this air of reality which makes my insides react - the way they always do when I am with real people and see how they have sex - which also easily brings my fingers to venture out and find what they crave for.

In one of our local TV programmes there was a film about sex lately and they said that 99% of the men and 95% of the women masturbate, many of them online. So it does not make me a special freak when I admit to that, too. In the past I used to do it on yahoo while chatting or looking at a cam, but I have given this up since yahoo chat became such a boring mess. I loved it to be interactive but anonymous at the same time, it gave me a lot of freedom and intimacy, which I enjoyed. It's a pity I don't know another chat program which is as practical as yahoo used to be.

Late last night I did it here on NN, which was kind of a first as I did it while watching some videos. I have begun doing so lately although it's not all fun because of the quality of most. And they have usually only guy's length as they obviously cum faster. But as I was feeling very desperate, it did its job well when I put the mode to repeat. There are some couples on view who do it pretty nicely - so thanks, benandtoni, you did me a lot of good.

I have prepared all my lessons for tomorrow, so I will spend the rest of this lovely summer afternoon outside at the pool reading. I have not invited Helene. Last week I still unselfconsciously did - that's how things can change.

Later Elsie will come over. She is spending rather a lot of time with me lately, although I cannot do much but listen to her. But this can be important, too, although it leaves me pretty helpless and tired. She has started to speak of "their child" - trying out how this sounds in her ears. "When our child is born", some of her sentences begin, as the tries to see Kueken as some kind of a surragate mother. She is even thinking about a financial compensation.

Elsie, Elsie! I am so sorry for you. But this is not the way your cooky will crumble: at best it is the child of you three, at worst she will aspire the position of Joerg's main wife while you will go to work and be their maid. But I cannot and I don't want to tell you anything like that. I am afraid you will have to find out the hard way if they will not come to their senses. Step by step ...

By the way - hardly had Lisa left yesterday in the late afternoon when the phone rang and Werner, the former student, said he would have time to visit me right then if I felt like it. I didn't really - thinking of all your warnings (smile) - and I definitely had some work to do after the busy weekend. So I let it be - I told him I might have more time next weekend, though. So let's see how much he wants till then, and how much I do ...