It was interesting coming back onto NN after many years. I joined up originally in about 06 then left then came back in 08 and was OBSESSED with the site for a couple of years.
I then was with a partner for several years which has recently ended, I stopped by once or twice in this time.

Anyway, the point is, a decade is a long time. And it almost feels like when you watch pictures of people through the ages... only its with body parts.
I've certainly gotten older, fatter, things definitely do not sit how they did a decade ago (dear god what I'd do to have the body I had issues about back then).

I thought about taking my old photos down for fear of judgement, of comparison, of the 'she was better back then' thoughts that were running through my head. But I didn't because I liked going back over the comments and see the old names I spent so much time online chatting and sharing not just naughty stuff, but life with. Some are still here, some are missing, I wish them all well.

Happy to say coming back has been great, I have had lots of lovely messages and comments and actually feel better about myself now than a week ago so thanks to everyone that has helped on that journey.

Look at me being all philosophical and personal after a bottle of cab sav haha

Frank drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 Mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought Frank as he floored it to 110Mph, then 120, then 130 then 155Mph.

Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too honest for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him some minutes later.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

Frank looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back..'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.

So I got pulled into the office @ work last Tuesday, was thinking to myself FFS what have i done / how have i offended now (usually happens every other week) and i have to say, i really wasn't in the mood to talk about my 'intolerance of those who do things differently to me'. Differently? that has fuck all to do with it, no i just have little patience for dumb fucks i have to explain things to 50 times and end up doing it myself anyway cuz they seem to be missing the part of their brain that enables them to work out shit for themselves. Anyway, that is what i was expecting. I was not however, expecting

TO BE TOLD I HAD TO SACK SOMEONE

what the fuck. Honestly, i am nowhere NEAR a director position, how the fuck do i get that shit palmed off on me? Worst thing was, it is someone i like. That is competent, not one of the dumb fucks. And they are older than me, and they have kids. Looks real good. So they cried. So i did too. And now i hate my boss. Stupid fucks. I feel like telling them all to just fuck right off at the minute, sick of donig everyone's fucking work for them cuz they're all lazy cunts.

Blah.

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room.

'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND!!!

Do you ever wonder sometimes how you got where you are?
What led you to be doing what you're doing, living how you're living, right at this moment?
It's not that it's not what you had planned, it's just not how you thought life was gunna be?

The Cab Ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes. I walked to the door and knocked.

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. Th e apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.

'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.... Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.
'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware and beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Thank you, my friends...

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kyf_3gizO2w[/url]

So i've been AWOL for a bit, been busy as hell at work and well... at home hehee. anyhoo i got this email and it cracked me up so i thought i'd share


Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor.Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!"

Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said.

"S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl! I'll go across the road and get Cobber (his mate)."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

"No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."

"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"

"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?," Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough,
we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive"

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,' Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Greece.

He bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.


Jimmie had married a woman from Italy .

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.


The third man had married a Australian girl.

He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.

God Bless Australian Women

=))