Did Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?

A group of girlfriends go on vacation and they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind." The friends laugh and without hesitation, move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly." This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third floor, where the sign reads, "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."

This was good, but there were still two more floors.

On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds, are sensitive and attentive to women, are perfect lovers, and are single, rich and straight."

The women seem pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth.

When they reach the fifth floor, there is a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that it is impossible to please a woman."

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'

'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up

' Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband # 5 was an Engineer,he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was......... God I miss him.

'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'You're with the GOVERNMENT..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.'

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while.

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of her night table, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him

"Awww, honey, you're so depressed. Here, take this & go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight. Remember now, this happens only this once. OK?"

The husband can't believe his ears, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife & says dejectedly, "Crystal says this is not enough, she wants eighty."

The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Why that damn bitch. When she was pregnant & her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty.

is like nailing Jell-O to a tree

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his
wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his
drawer. "What the Hell is this Shit¡ he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum
powder in my underwear?"
She replied with a snicker...
"It's not talcum powder......


It's 'Miracle Grow'."