Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn’t quite the same without him.



A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, “You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?” The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say ‘yes’, but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.



The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay. She smiled and said, “Good, then I’ll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.”



She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week! She smiled and said “Sure I’ll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.”



The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand.



By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn t figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn’t seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!



In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the Best round of golf of his life to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part.



Finallyshe showed up. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to keep a grudge against her.



This woman was a riddle. No one could figure out!



Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up.



Finally one of the mencould contain his curiosity No longer. He asked her point blank, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”



The lady blushed and grinned. She said, “That’s easy. When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth.



Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed. All the girls onthe team thought this was hysterical.”



Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, “But what if it’s pointed straight up in the air?”



She said, “Then I’m fifteen minutes late.”

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was that of
breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull
mated 50 times last year."
The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last
year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said,"This
bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could
learn a lot from him"!

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying,"This bull
mated 365 times last year."
The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. you could REALLY
learn something from this one."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with
the same cow every time."

(The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable. He
should be able to eat soft foods in a week)..

Dear Mr. Prime Minister;



I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe

this.



How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows

that I bought a tv cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal

Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.



For crying out loud, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date, you

have on my social insurance card, on all the income tax forms I've filed for

the past 30 years, my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the

last eight bloody passports I've had, on all those stupid customs

declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes

over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are

done at election times.



Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name

is Helen, my father's name is Frank and I'd be absolutely astounded if

that ever changed between now and when I die! Man!



I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really ticked off this morning. Between

you an' me, I've had enough! You send the application to my house, then

you ask me for my freakin' address. What is going on? You have a gang

of Neanderthals workin' there?! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like

Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for crying out loud. I

just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach. And would someone please

tell me, why would you care whether I plan on visiting a farm in the

next 15 days?! If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or

a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!



Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city

and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to

assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd

be too easy! You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens

with our heads cut off, then find some bozo to confirm that it's really

me on the stupid picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to

smile?!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're ticked off!



Signed - An Irate Citizen