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I am a walking contradiction skirting jurisdictions while self-implementing restrictions. I am a melancholy free spirit afraid sometimes to sing my own lyrics. I am child with old eyes and past lives striving to do more than survive. I am a silly, nostalgic, horny, romantic with naive antics. I am not afraid to break the rules of being cool or getting schooled. I am the color of earth, often misunderstood since birth. A chain smoker and late night toker, an ego stroker, sensitive joker and occasional chicken choker. I am as deep as you will allow yourself to wade in. I am my mother's creation, my father determination, the wages of so called sin and the scars left after being stabbed in the back or forgotten by a friend. I am the shy shiver of of an endless giver whose cheeks are moist and quiver from tears shed alone. I am heavy in heart and weight but free of prejudice and hate. I am a meandering soul searching to become whole while traveling in a caterpillar-like form. Not seeking shelter with the norm but weathering the storms that will come and pass with the perfectly imperfect fumbling we call existence. shaking off the shackles of pretense while understanding experience is neither good nor bad, more or less until the next time you can put it to its test. And if it is in the case to give someone an open hand I willing give it until my time's last grain of sand rests upon the cosmic strand. Our reality is within our hands
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| Tuesday, May 6, 2008, 11:21:21 AM- | ||
Enthralled and somewhat appalled, Captured in the gravity of your persona, Beguiled while feeling reviled, Exploding from just a sip of your attention, The bliss eternal of a remembered kiss, Clouds in the night releasing soft frozen fears, Disappear like the moon does every few years, Some would say I make too much of something small, My precious gem is dime a dozen to him, I am a man whose future is as long as the day at hand, I cherish those special to me lest before I perish, A beloved soul is beyond my ability to let them be told, I take nought for granted, I make no claims, I feel, I think, I love without labels, requirements or names, Still I wonder is it too tall of a bill to fill, To show simply that you feel love for me for real, Not your last cent, not your last minute or breath, But let me not feel like I am noticed when there's no one else left Did something change am I now somehow strange, Sharing somehow bizarre because I am so openly caring, I mirror what I think I see and that only leads to misery, Silence and indifference become a lethal pestillence, And I wonder if I am a novelty that is past tense. | ||
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| Saturday, May 3, 2008, 4:58:04 AM- | ||||||
I'mstill alive. Just working my ass off. Hope to have some new poems up soon. Take care all and have a great day!  | ||||||
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| Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:03:49 AM- Dance With Me | ||||||
I hear that song from so long ago, Bringing back memories that trouble me so, A young boy on the cusp of being a man, Waiting for someone to take his hand, For someone who passed through his dreams, And his every day life so often it seemed, To have read and been moved by what he wrote, Instead his heart was thoroughly smote, By the image of that someone on another's arm, Oblivious or uncaring to the devastating harm, And he never asked another soul to dance, Never ever got the courage to take a chance, The years went on, And he never forgot that song, The beautiful melody, the imperfect earthy voice, Singing about how they had no choice, But to be drawn like flowers sway to the sun, The gaze adoring a radiant special one, Rooted for one reason or another, The tempted and unpicked child of the mother, The pain began to fade, over time healed, Dwelling in the pain lost its appeal, He went on to grow, to actually come to know, He was beautiful if you looked into his soul, Those thoughts of romance became inconsequential, Tonight that song came on, And I don't see anything wrong, Sitting here next to you, And asking you for a moment or two, Would you place your hand in mine, Move with me to the choreography of something divine, Be next to me, cheek to cheek, Leaning and swaying, whispering without speaking, Letting the song and our closeness say all, Heed nothing but the melody's sweet tender call, Heartbeat to heart beat, Move and groove until it is complete, Share movements of eternity, Would you dance with me, | ||||||
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| Tuesday, April 8, 2008, 6:19:12 AM- | ||||||
All I have to Give You say verbally express, What I've kept so guarded in my chest, But in truth, conveyed every single day, How I feel about you since we crossed ways, In your smile I see the sunrise, And creation unfold in your warm soul searching eyes, I lay all of my fears and doubt at your feet, May the day come that vicious circle no longer repeat, Can I see my reflection in your open gaze, Can I feel and know I am beautiful and not a phase, Can I come closer, with my arms open wide, Tell you, show you my universe of love and no longer hide, I want to see the shades of passion, wash across your skin, Touch you in ways to make you melt within, Deliver sensations so beautiful to some they are sin, I want to bask in your warm grin, Hearing the rising and falling din of your breathing, Lay in your arms, and hold you tight, Exchange secret names and dreams throughout the night, Searching one another without boundary until spent, To rest within each others arms, completely content, Would you let me know my love is worthy to live, Would you let me show you with all I have to give | ||||||
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| Sunday, April 6, 2008, 10:26:11 PM- All that You Are, All that Is Me | ||||||
The sky is afire with the embers of the day, My mind is a sail, under a breeze of thoughts sway, Thinking of my life, and my relation to this universe, IS my existence a blessing or curse, How I feel so much love, overflowing from my heart, How I once pushed it down, even kicked it around, Feeling the stirrings of liberation, but stopping it at the start, A bird self caged with visions of uncharted skies, But letting others and insecurity provide alibis, Why to give up, settle, to not even try, Just when the deal was done, much to my surprise, The spirits of creation guided me toward friendly lights, Once again, a beautiful outlook was within sight, I am here, human and spiritual, fierce and fragile, Physically present, and mentally agile, I am a vessel of love, connected to the stars, My presence felt whether near or far, When you are near I want you to feel the warmth emanating from me, To feel comfortable, adored, appreciated, casual and care free, I won't make excuses to laugh out loud or sing, To let tears fall, when the situation is stirring, My love is worthy, it is natural, pure and real, I am more than okay, I don't need to try and appeal, I want to be close to you, share hugs, words an appropriate kiss, Chances to let you know I love you, are opportunities I won't miss, I feel so full, so damn full, with no need to explain, A soul full of moments, relishing joy and pain, The human gift to experience the new every single granted day, And above all for myself, to have the chance to once again say, I love you unquestionably, for all that you are, You have touched me so specially, all that you are | ||||||
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| Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 9:46:25 AM- I am | ||||||
I am creation, I am elation and emotional devastation, I am a hope called tomorrow, I am the earth that soaks up tears from sorrow, I am that mind racing and retracing, I am the butterflies when tasting, I am the flavor of a new journey or trial, I am a child's innocent blessed smile, I am words, breath, memories and theories, I am the past, present and future, spiritual query, I am mystical and magical, Whimsical and practical, I am the soul with so much to give, I am the freed slave ready to die to live, I am youthful hope and aged appreciation, I am the defiance of definition and vain recognition, I am rambunctious humor, I am the subject of back biting and rumors, I am the gentle and kind nature of a saint, I am the uninhibited freak that makes prudes faint, I am a friend to all and child of the universe, I am the invoker of blessings, even facing the worst, I am devilishly kind and hideously beautiful, I am peacefully insane and calmly irrational, I am the companion who constantly keeps you in his mind, I am selfishly conscious of being unconsciously selfish at times, I am wind, water, fire and earth, I am dreams, lucidity, passion for all its worth, I am here to learn, yearn to understand, I am what I am beyond the final fall of my time's last sand. | ||||||
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| Monday, March 31, 2008, 6:41:22 AM- | ||||||
I am listening, my eyes glistening, Wondering where the depth lies, You seem so oblivious, even impervious, What soul is cowering behind your eyes, You are the living moment, that never repents, Do you think before you speak, What in life do you truly seek, I have been hoping, to be so open, But what pain will it cost, When I try to speak my heart, your maturity seems to depart, And I feel like a connection is lost, Is it too much to ask, is to taxing of a task, To get to know you, your past and your soul, Yes you are a happy adventurer, but how can this endure, Are you really showing me your existence's whole? | ||||||
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| Friday, March 28, 2008, 7:19:49 AM- | ||||||
My days off weren't what I expected them to be. I ended up with feelings of doubt, being a cursory presence. I just don't know, right now I feel like its time me for to just fade off, that I don't have a place or people I belong to. I need to do some soul searching, and I need a change. Damn, I really do have feelings for this person, but I think its just going to end badly, and he probably will either be oblvious or not care. | ||||||
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| Monday, March 24, 2008, 4:40:58 AM- | ||||||
I wanted to wish everyone a happy belated Easter. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself. I've realized I am a friendly chill person for the most part, but then there is this passionate and moody part of my persona as well. Saturday night I was pretty good for most of the night but got into a pissy fit. Its so crazy, cause I can actually take a step back nd see it, figure out what started it. You would think if you could do that that one would be able to get out of such a mood fairly easy. I'm feeling more than I want to allow for someone, and even though I understand to a decent degree his personality some of his actions are still a mystery to me. I'd like to consider myself a realist, but something about him mkaes me fel anything is possible. And it just endeears him more to me. Its so much more than something physical, and I get in this defense mode of distancing myself, even to the point of being aloof and slighlty bitchy. its some crazy shit I tell you. We are going on a litle 2 and a half day day suaree of sorts, hitting up some dc blues and jazz clubs the first day, and the next going back up to his hometown, possibly ending up in the infamous hot tub again lol. I sometimes wonder if I get in those ,moods partly cause I can't let myself be completely happy. If that's the case that's kind'a crazy. I'm trying to stop over analyzing but at itmes I have to dig into myself because of some of moods. I think what it comes down to sometimes is I can't really control the effect he has on me. And I almost try to couter balance it. I guess to some degree as much as I would like to be just utterly free I am a bit of a control freak. Well, I am going to do y best to just let it all go. | ||||||
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| Friday, March 21, 2008, 10:47:36 PM- | ||||||
I've come to realize to let the chips fall where they will. I'm going to do me, be myself to the fullest. I'm going to be respectful but do and sya what's on my mind. I hope all are doing well. I've just been doing my thing, need to find sa doctor that is affordable. I could be in better shape. My mind is reasonably sound, at least that's something!  Have a great day and weekend all. | ||||||
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