Q:.. My Husband has too many nights out with the Boys...

A:.. This is natural behaviour and should be Encouraged.The man is a Hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men,A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship than the man being away for a day or two,(it's great time to clean the home too!) Just look how emotional he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform ORAL sex on him and then cook him a nice meal...

Q:.. My Husband continually wants me to perform ORAL sex on him.

A:.. DO IT. Semen can help you loose Weight and gives a great glow it your Skin, Interestingly Men know this,His offer to allow you to perform ORAL sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he Loves you.The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then Cook him a nice meal

Q:...My Husband wants a Threesome with my best Friend and me?.

A:...Obviously your Husband can't get enough of you.
Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue ,this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old College friends involved too? If you are still apprehensive,maybe you should let him be with your friends without You. If you are still not sure then just perform ORAL sex on him, and cook him a nice Meal while you think about it.........

HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.

I was walking past the local Mental Hospital the other day,
All the Patients were shouting 13...13...13...
The fence was to high for me to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks,so I looked through to see what was going on..Some IDIOT poked me in the EYE with a stick,and they all started shouting 14...14...14...

The other night I was invited for a girls Night Out, I told my Husband I would be home by 12 Midnight.I PROMISE....
Will the hours passed and the Margaritas went down way to easy.At around 3.AM.a bit loaded I headed home, just as I got in the Cuckoo Clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times,Quickly realizing my Husband would wake up, I Cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him (even when totally smashed ...3 cuckoos + 9 cuckoos = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT he didn't seem P****d off in the least....Whew I got away with that one!.
Then he said "We need a new Cuckoo Clock." when I asked him why he said,"Well last night our Cuckoo Clock cuckooed three times then said, 'O S**t Cuckooed four more times,cleared it's throat,Cuckooed another three times,giggled,Cuckooed twice more fell over the Coffee Table and Farted.........

Grabbed her and tied a pillow case around her to keep her up.

A Grandson who had arrived late,came up to Grandma and said "Hi Grandma; your looking good! how are they Treating you?".
The Grandma took out her little book and slowly wrote a note to her Grandson,"They won't let me FART."

The Family wheeled Grandma out onto the lawn in her wheelchair, were the activities for her 100th Birthday were in full swing,
Grandma couldn't speak very well but she could write things down on a notepad,when she needed to communicate.
After a short time on the lawn,Grandma started leaning to the right, so some of the family grabbed her propped her up and stuffed pillows on her right side.
A short time later,she started leaning to her Left side, so again the family put she upright and put more pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning Forward and again the family

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones,
But my BOOT up your ASS is Sure as hell going to Hurt.

My THUMB,to show the rest of the World that I'll be fine no matter how Hard Life is......

My INDEX Finger. to Silence those who speak ill of me....

My MIDDLE finger.to those who are Jealous of me....

My RING finger.for Someone SPECIAL when the time is Right...

My LITTLE finger. to make PROMISES to my Best Friends....

I HAVE FIVE FINGERS FOR THESE REASONS:

A young Mother was alone with her Young Daughter and went into Labour.
The Baby was coming way to fast so the Paramedics were called.To make things worse,when they arrived,there was a Power Cut and all the Lights went out.The Paramedics asked the little Four year girl to hold the torch for them.
Despite all the difficulties,all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy.The Paramedic smacked him on his behind and he began to cry.
Looking over at the wide eyed little girl the Paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just seen.
She said "That Naughty Boy should never have crawled up there in the first place! SPANK him AGAIN".........