Hi folks. Hope u all had a lovely Christmas.

Mine wasn't so good, stuck out here hundreds of miles offshore. To top it all off, I just found out that the Company sent last months invoice payment to the wrong bank account.

Now of course, all the Accounts staff are at home filling their faces with turkey while I'm stuck offshore unable to do anything about it and my wife can't get hold of the money until next year now!!!!!!!!. Grrrrrrr

On the up side, I called my family and spent 15 minutes chatting with my loved ones. I miss em!!

Only two weeks now & I will be home, getting sick of this shite!!!

Consider that day lost
whose low descending sun,
Sees from thy hand
no work of kindness done.

Happy Holidays everyone!!

much at all happening out here at the moment. The weather has been pretty lousy out here again for the last 3 days, so I've had plenty of time for blog reading, pic perving & navel gazing while we wait for good enough weather to go back to work.

Am I just getting cynical in my old age, or has anybody else noticed that we seem to be getting more & more web pics posted nowadays?

Anyway all u lovely people, keep blogging and have a Superb Christmas & a Great Oh Eight.

*Edit* Looks like I'll be going home about the 10th of Jan, so back into chat around the 11th! Woohoo!!

Hehehehe.
Merry Christmas everyone, & have great oh eight!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . . . . . . . .

"You just happened to catch my eye."

I swear this is an absolutely TRUE story.

First, a little background:
In the offshore Oil & Gas industry, we often use fairly small vessels (similar to the tug pictured in a recent blog), with a crew of around 20, for surveys and suchlike. Because the area they work in is generally fairly close to shore (i.e. usually within about a 12 hour steam from the nearest port), they often don’t have qualified doctors on board, usually just someone with a first aid certificate – often the Captain. Also, relevant to this story, the potable water in the tanks on board is often of fairly dubious quality & origin – they always carry bottled water for drinking.

Right, on with the story:
About 18 months ago, a young trainee, 20 or so years old, first time at sea was working on such a survey vessel in the Arabian Gulf. Being his first time away from his lady friend, and having been at sea for a couple of weeks, the lad was feeling a little frisky, so took matters into his own hands as it were.
Although he didn’t go blind, he had obviously been rather energetic with his ministrations and he reported to the Captain rather shamefacedly with a badly chafed organ. The Captain (apparently between guffaws) applied antiseptic ointment and a clean, sterile bandage.
A day or so later, noticing little improvement, the clever lad got up enough courage to seek a “second opinion” on the telephone from his girlfriend back in UK, who just happened to be a nurse. She, aware of the above mentioned dubious quality of the water on the vessel, told him to boil some water, then use the boiled (now sterile) water to wash Red Robin, then wrap him up again as before.
Fourteen hours later, the vessel was alongside in Abu Dhabi, with the young chap being driven away in the ambulance, still insisting that his girlfriend had said “boiling” water.

The guy was later flown back to UK, and, as far as I know, hasn’t been offshore since.

As I said, this is a TRUE story!!!!

Clitty

Sometimes chain letters can actually do some good! Please read on......

This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their sex life even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this one costs nothing, and you can only win.

Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your best friends who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

* 0.5 miss worlds

* 2.5 models

* 463 wild nymphos

* 3,234 good-looking nymphos

* 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms

* 40,198 bi-sexual women

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sexlife. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.
PS: Even when you have no girlfriend, you can use your vacuum cleaner.

PPS: This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.


(Must dash, the post has just arrived.)

The weather has finally improved, so it's back to work at last!!

On another subject, do u say "noon" or "midday"? I always say midday, cos midnight is the opposite, but it seems lots of people call it noon. Yeah, I know, too much time on my hands! lmao

LATEST RESEARCH IN HUMAN SEXUALITY:
A study has determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is doggie style.
The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Aussie Love Poem

Of Course I Love Ya Darling,
Your A Bloody Top Notch Bird.
And When I Say Your Gorgeous,
I Mean Every Single Word.
So Ya Bum Is On The Big Side,
I Don't Mind A Bit Of Flab.
It Means That When I'm Ready,
There's Somethin' There To Grab.
So Your Belly Isn't Flat No More,
I Tell Ya, I Don't Care.
So Long As When I Cuddle Ya,
I Can Get My Arms Around There.
No Sheila Who Is Your Age,
Has Nice Round Perky Breasts.
They Just Gave Into Gravity,
But I Know Ya Did Ya Best.
I'm Tellin Ya The Truth Now,
I Never Tell Ya Lies.
I Think Its Very Sexy,
That You've Got Dimples On Ya Thighs.
I Swear On Me Nanna's Grave Now,
The Moment That We Met,
I Thought Ya Was As Good As I,
Was Ever Gonna Get.
No Matter Wot Ya Look Like,
I'll Always Love Ya Dear.
Now Shut Up While The Footys On,
And Get Me Another Beer!

Well, despite the weather being a bit lumpy out here at the moment, I'm sitting on a 140 metre long barge, which is reasonably comfortable, but yr allowed to feel just a little bit sorry for the guys on our tug boats - here are a couple of pics for ya. They have to put up with this 24 hours a day in this weather (and the weather is forecast to get worse before it starts getting better in about 3 or 4 days time)