Everybody, meet Tau



Tau turned up on my doorstep the other day and fell in love with me (that's just cos I'm soooooo cute & loveable).
She's only a couple months old, but I cant find her Mum, and the whole family decided she can stay. (Well, the wife's dog isnt too keen, but that's only cos Tau bit him on the nose when I introduced them - his fault anyway for being a wimpy poodle, not a REAL dog. lol)
Tau is Thai for tortoise - she's a tortoiseshell.
Hmmm, no nasty comments about this being the only pussy I can get!!!!! bahahahaha

A little boy said "Mummy where do babies come from?"

Mummy: "Daddies make sperm and put it into Mummies tummy"

Boy:"Do Mummies swallow it?"

Mummy:"Only if they want new shoes!"

On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, Illinois, they play a game for prizes, usually vacations and such, called "Mate Match." The deejays ring someone at work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked three very personal questions that vary from couple to couple and ask for their significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners. This particular day (12-9-9 it got interesting:

DJ: Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What is your name? First only please.
Contestant: Brian
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are married? or what? Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes, I am married.
DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your wife's name? First only please, Brian.
Brian: Sara.
DJ: Is Sara at work, Brian?
Brian: She is gonna kill me.
DJ: Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?
Brian: (laughing) Yes she is.
DJ: All right then. First question: When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: She is gonna kill me.
DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man.
Brian: About 8 o'clock this morning.
DJ: Atta boy.
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well.
DJ: Number 2: How long did it last?
Brian: About 10 minutes.
DJ: Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake.
Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice.
DJ: OK. Final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm.
DJ: This sounds good Brian. Where was it?
Brian: Not that it was all that great just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time.
DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy!
Brian: On the kitchen table.
DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.
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DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we? (touch tones ringing)
Clerk: Kinko's.
DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?
Clerk: This is she.
DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now.
Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours?
DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose soooooooo do you know the rules of "Mate Match"?
Sara: No
DJ: Good.
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to?
Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, OK?
Sara: Oh, Brian.
DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara, I will now ask you three questions; and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World, Sea World and tickets to see the Orlando Magic play. Get it Sara? SARA! GET IT? Orlando Magic, Sara. NBA Sara. They are on strike. Sara, helloooooo anyone home?!?!
Sara: (laughing hard) YES, yes.
Brian: (laughing)
DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara?
Sara: Oh God, Brian..this morning before Brian went to work.
DJ: What time?
Sara: About 8 I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING
DJ: Very good. Next question: How long did it last?
Sara: 12-15 minutes maybe.
DJ: Hhmmmm (background voice in studio) that's close enough. I am sure she is trying not to harm his manhood.
DJ: Well, we will give you that one. Last question: Where did you do it?
Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!
Brian: Just tell him honey.
DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara?
Sara: Well it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and--
DJ: SHE SAW?!?!
Sara: BRIAN?!?!
Brian: NO, no I didn't.
DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer?
Sara: Dear Lord...I cannot believe you told them this.
Brian: Come on, honey, it's for a trip to Florida.
DJ: Let's go, Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?
Sara: In the ass.
(long pause)
DJ: We will be right back.
(advertisements)
DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.

For Manic Panic - a pic I took last year of Alvin's Russian cousin Chipski

Does anybody else get annoyed when they start a new roll of toilet paper? The amount of glue they put on - I can NEVER remove just one or two sheets that first time, at least two layers ALWAYS come off. Now that may be OK for any fat arses out there, but if u have a delicate lil bottom like mine its a waste of paper and money!!!
Just thought you would like to share that with me (no, not the paper ya silly people, the thought!!!)
Does anybody have Mr Kleenex's or Lady Scott's email address???
Merry Christmas!!!

Well here we are again - the festive season. I'll be flying out to Libya via UK and Malta next Tuesday to spend a few weeks floating around the Mediterranean (working, not holiday). Don't know if I'll even be able to get on line (. So if ya dont see me in chat before the new year, I'll be there in spirit. I WILL be phoning one very special lady on Christmas day so we can cry on each other's shoulders tho! lol.
The best bit is that I might stop off in London on the way back and raid the stores for their post Christmas sales!! Woohoo!!!
Seasons greetings and the very best for the new year for all my wonderful friends on NN.

Well, everybody else is doing it, so here we go!!

The missus decided to take me shopping the other day! I've never really thought about it before, but "going shopping" means something completely different to men & women - to us it means going out with the intention of actually buying something useful; to women its a competitive sport amongst other things.

The rules? Well...... u go to a "megastore" and pick a trolley (which will probably have four wheels, but is not allowed to have more than two going in the same direction at any one time). You then put yr mind into neutral, close yr eyes and wander around the aisles using this deadly weapon to maim or permanently disfigure as many poor innocent men as possible (ladies, u must bring yr hubby or boyfriend as a target for the other competitors!!)

Not sure of a few of the rules yet tho - ladies, please help me here! Do you gain points for breaking yr own hubby's legs, and do you actually lose points if u buy anything useful??

Just don't tell my Life Insurance company about this, I think they classify "shopping" in the same category as sky diving & rock climbing - my rates would go up AGAIN!!!!

Hey, this blogging is fun!! Gotta try it again some time!

See Ya in chat