I had an odd realization. I was thinking about Cap's comment on one of my blogs that he would switch lives with me so he could have my problems.

What i realized was that I was not able to express my sadness for his loss. On the other side of the spectrum I have not been able to join in Perky's great happiness. The extreme emotional highs and low's are lost to me on the internet. I know, that for me, to express (or try to) those emotions would be a type of forgery.

I think the un-reality of this medium limits the scope of my emotional participation. What it boils down to is...unless I have you in my arms or can look you in the eye, I'm not sure of the depth of my feeling.

Does that make sense?
And is anyone else this weird?

I found myself down at the other end of my workplace this morning looking for an odd filter. A 8 foot wall between me and 5 of my co-workers engaged in a conversation. I could hear them plain as day.
one of them mentioned my name (a common name and there are two of us) and the other said "which ____" trying to differentiate.
"was it the ass packing, cock sucking, (insert 10 different derogatory terms for gay men) or the other one?"

I should point out here that these are people I've had at my house, I babysat ones kids in an emergency, I made lasagne for another after his wife's back surgery. They are not strangers.

I should also say that I am not caught of guard. Straight men have a language of exclusion. When they are in a circle like that it is always "us against the world" type of talk. Be it women, muslims, what ever can be seen as a threat at that moment.

As for me, I just walked around the corner. Stunning them into silence. I said "I may be many things....but deaf is not one of them."

of chicks.

(when they arrive)

P.s. Got a card in the mail from LUNNA. At least we know she's alive.

I am busy researching chicken breeds to pick one for my farm. It has to be cold tolerant and should look pretty with a white barn.

Any ideas? I'm leaning towards the golden wyandott.

Had a nice bonfire at the farm. About 15 friends laughing and telling stories (don't get me started on the muff puff!) Since I started work very early monday and had to work today, I kicked them all out by midnight. Some host huh?
That quiet is really something out there. I can't wait for summer, and the breeze through the trees. And the burst of apple blossoms come spring. I have 16 apple trees that were planted almost 100 years ago. They need some serious pruning.

This should be a great year.

I have only one thing to say about the coming year.

If you don't like your life. GO GET A NEW ONE!

It's really not so hard. REALLY


Get some new skills....learn to salsa.....volunteer....join a club...DO SOMETHING


I predict I will have less and less patience with people who consistently bitch about their life. My crystal ball is growing dim......

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I chickened out the first night but I did it last night and it was strange. I think I slept all right and everything It'll probably be better when I get my real bed out there.

So...yeah...real quiet. Not much to do so I wrote a poem.....huh


I walk to the window
facing westward woods

Over
and over

through the trees
another heart beats

over
and over

why am I here?
I ask, is this my dream?

Over
and over

no cars pass
a distant train whistle blows

Over
and over



Well, that was my night
over and over....I hope not!

I'm scared to go sleep at my new house.

O.K.....I said it.....you can all laugh.

I have never lived in a rural area. I've always dreamed about it. So here I am, afraid to go stay the night at my own house. Seriously....what can happen? I die of boredom?

I think as i get older, change becomes more and more difficult. And this is a radical change. Living this far from anything requires planning. You don't run to the corner store for milk. And you don't randomly call someone to go to a movie (like last night)

I'll be O.K.

I think I need my blankey

I just went and saw Juno, which I am very pleased to say is exactly what I think going to the movies should be. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I don't go to any movies with violence. That really limits my movie going.

Juno was perfect. A simple but wonderful opportunity to be somewhere else. To look at a complex issue through great acting. Can you tell i liked it?

Only one more wake up!

So I love to take a Sauna. That deep intense heat is a wonderful way to sweat away the aches and pains of my weary body. Esp. with all the snow shoveling (and it's coming down good today)

So's I should set the scene. The sauna is located in the woods far from the house. It is wood fired and gets damn hot. After I've done a series of sweat/snow/sweat/snow I decide to soap up and clean up. (with kittens soap, of course) After I'm all tingly clean I think to wash my hair. I grab for the shampoo bottle (Aveda of course)and I have it close to my face because I don't have my glasses on and it's dark and I can't figure out which side of the top to push to open the bottle.

Not thinking that the contents are now 170 degrees and thus under pressure I push the top and squirt shampoo directly into my wide open eyes.

I am now firmly against animal testing.

And yes, my eyes still hurt.

Only me.....