A woman came home to find her husband walking around the kitchen with a fly swatter.

She asked him what he was doing.

Hunting flys he said.

"Catch any?' she asked?

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females" he replied.

How do you know which are male and which are female?" asked the wife intrigued.

"Easy" he said " 3 were on beer cans and 2 where on the phone"

What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror?

Halloumi

( Pronounces as Helloo me )

A lot of people think there are fakes on many sites on the net. I understand that there are.

Here is an example of that.



I like it any way

a tropical heat wave
the temperatures'' rising
it's very surprising

We are in the middle of Winter and they say the top temp will be 21c today

HAMAZING!!!

he sits down and orders a beer and asks the barman if he can have some music.

The barman says sorry the speakers are broken so no music.

He says that's ok can I get my own.

The barman was bemused but says that fine.

So the guy puts a case on the bar, opens it and brings out a small grand piano and tiny stool. Then he gets out a tiny man of about 1 foot tall who starts playing the piano.

The barman was intrigued and asked how he came across this little piano player.

The guy said its a long story but the barman insisted.

Well he said - I was crossing the road when this truck came barrelling along. A little old lady was crossing the road very slowly and so I raced out and grabbed her - pulling her away from getting run over and killed.

She thank me and asked if there was anything she could do for me the guy said.

He told her no it was fine but she insisted and said she was a witch and would make one wish come true.

Then he said she must have been hard of hearing cause I ended up with a 12 inch pianist.

Saturday is International Star Wars Day.

May the 4th be with you

Yep my son is a genius.

He went to a private school during his high school years so that he could have the best education I could afford. Then on to University for 7 years though admitadly it was only a 3 year course.

Yesterday he said to me "hey Dad, did you know you can get books out of the library for free. Take them home for a month?."

I said of course that is the purpose of a library. He said he didnt know that. When I asked him what he thought the library was for he said - Study.

I asked him what he thought all the books were for.

"I thought you could use them while you were there. I didnt know you could take them home - for free"

Genius!

Today ( April 25 ) is Anzac day. It is the day we comemorate the landing by Australian and New Zealamd troops landed at Gollipolli during WW1.

It is also the day we recognise those from all conflicts. Young men and women who have served our country and sacrificing for not only our rights and freedoms but those of others in far off lands.

From Albert Jacka to Ben Robert-Smith and all those who are unknown. Generally our young that we send in harms way.

Fortunately the Vietnam war ended just before I had to register for conscription however I have known many who were conscripted and went to Vietnam. Just young boys at the time.

For this reason this song means so much to me.

Lest we forget - God help them - they were all so young.

I was sitting at the computer the other day & called out to my wife,

"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, LOVE!"

She shouted back

"YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY BASTARD !! "

Last night I wasw talking to a gorgeous young girl.

She asked me if i prefered legs or breasts.

I said what I really liked was a freshly shaved pussy.

I was told never to come back to KFC again.