Two weeks ago, one month after I walked out of a hotel room in Reno with a heavy heart, I received another email from him. It said “I know I am not healthy for you but please know I have not dismissed you from my mind or think that I don’t care”. I waited two days to answer so I could be in a position on vacation where I could be alone with my thoughts and feel all the feels. My response was that I never questioned him thinking of me or of caring. It was a matter of timing and circumstance. I told him I know my worth and it is more than being a side chick. I need someone who wants and chooses me and not uses me as a substitute for the things they are not getting in their marriage. I was more blunt than I was in person the month prior. When we spoke in person I told him that all the things that were on my mind to say were going to hurt him and I didn’t want to do that. I still don’t want to do that. That is what makes all of this so hard. Caring for someone who isn’t in a position to care for you the way you want or need even though you know they care in their own way. I regret being so blunt in my writing. I am working on drawing boundaries and taking a stand but doing it in a compassionate and caring manner. I worry I was too harsh. I told him we both deserve more than this situationship and that sometimes caring isn’t enough. I need to be able to move on. I am having a hard time doing that. I let very few people into my life emotionally and physically. Somehow, he wiggled past all my barriers. I hate knowing we had the potential for something good but it needs to be extinguished due to circumstance. The distance and living on opposite ends of the country we could have figured out and overcome. I can’t figure out and overcome the fact that he is committed to someone else. I know all of this is still fresh and time will help the hurt for both of us. It seems to be the story of my life to want what isn’t good for me. I tend to process things by writing it down. A lot of processing has been going on in the past month and a half. In the words of the incomparable Pink “we’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again” and in the words of the fabulous Gloria Gaynor “I will survive”!!

So he emails me in Dec 2024 which I pick up in January 2025. He said he thought of me, doesn’t make connection easily, and hoped I was doing well. There had also been fires in Southern California and he hoped my family there was ok. I responded and said they were ok and their homes weren’t in danger. I also said that we needed to stay no contact because I had gotten emotionally invested even though we never met in person or talked on the phone. For my own mental health, I couldn’t pick up where we had left off as it almost broke me the prior September when I ended things. He didn’t respond which I took to mean he was going to be respectful of my request for no communication.

Fast forward to end of April 2025 and I get a communication from him that he will be in Reno (relatively close to me) for a conference and did I want to meet up with him. I didn’t answer right away. I was very apprehensive and cautious about what meeting up would do to me emotionally. I let him know this but within a few days I decided I owed it to myself to meet him. For the next month we seated almost daily and I thought I was holding myself back emotionally.

We met in Reno in early June 2025 (a month ago) and had two fabulous nights. We were very sexually compatible. We also had lots of tender moments in both of those nights holding each other, cuddling, and talking. It was sexy and intimate. On night 2, I had a pretty massive breakdown where I cried a lot and told him it wasn’t fair to any of us in this situation (him, his wife, or me) for us to continue. He had made it very clear to me the night before that he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt his kids and he felt like pursuing the separation more fully and formally would do that. I absolutely understood and I would never ask him to do something he wasn’t ready to do. However, I wasn’t willing to give of myself to him, sexually and emotionally, when I could be 10+ years or never when he might be out of his marriage and able to fully pursue something with me (legitimately). I couldn’t do that to myself. I didn’t regret meeting him and didn’t regret sleeping with him. I told him that when I left in the morning, we needed to go no contact again.

My drive home the following morning was super rough. 80s romcoms playing on my radio and then 80s love songs to which I cried a good portion of the 4 hours home. He emailed me the following day saying he understood my position but some things just are the way they are. I know his position as well and we can’t get to “being together” when we are at opposite ends of the spectrum on our positions and what we feel is right and best for us individually. I didn’t answer the email.

Part 3 coming in about 3 hours…I am on my last leg home!

It has been 11 years since I have posted to this blog and as of early June, almost 12 years since I had sex with someone other than myself. For once, the actual sex act seems almost to personal to explicitly blog about.

Here is the story:

A little over a year and a half ago, I started corresponding with another NN member who will not be named. I don’t know if he will read this or not but I don’t want to name him out of respect. In Oct of 2023, he sent me a DM on here. It was very kind and he basically said he found me sexy. I responded with a thank you and that his pics were hot. Nothing more was exchanged until he messaged me a month later, on a Thanksgiving day. We chatted a bit and he asked for a personal email so he could send me a video. I gave him my gmail account and before I knew it we chatted all through the day, exchanged face pics, and various naughty pics that never made it to NN as neither of us wanted to share things that had been just for each other with other people.

What began as a day long of chatting developed into chatting almost everyday, sometimes for a few hours at a time. We began to learn about each other and our lives (more than just our naked bodies) and we seemed to be fairly compatible on an intellectual level in addition to the fact that we both turned each other on physically. It felt like we were beginning to connect on an emotional level as well.

From the jump I knew he was married and he was upfront about it saying he was separated. I should have asked more questions from the beginning to get a sense of how separated he really was (spoiler alert, this doesn’t end well for us). I believe in his mind he was separated and being a single parent but I don’t know how much she knew that. The kids (yah, I know) didn’t know anything. At the time, they were 14 and 10. He and his estranged wife still lived in the same house and shared the same room. I am not sure how he kept our “play activities” secret but he told me she didn’t know about me and he wasn’t engaging in things with me while she was in the room.

Fast forward 8 months of this and I had asked a number of times for a phone call or FaceTime. At first, he put me off by saying “we could do that” and we would continue to gchat. Throughout these chats we were developing a friendship. I learned a lot about him and his kids. We never talked about his wife. I did my online research of him and his face pics online matched face pics he sent of me. In my search of him online, I found her online. Even though both of their social media is pretty locked down, I had a name, a face, and an occupation. She became a person at that time instead of “the estranged wife”. It appeared things may not have been good on her end either as she used to post their wedding picture on either their anniversary or on Valentine’s Day. She hadn’t done that for about the past 4 years.

Throughout those 8 months, I didn’t know that she wasn’t aware that he believed they were separated or that he was “seeing” me. In Sept 2024, I pushed hard for something more than gchats feeling as I needed something more than just lengthy gchats. When he told me he couldn’t give me what I needed at that time, I made a decision and said I couldn’t engage with him anymore and that I needed to go no contact. I told him what I needed to be able to continue and move forward (I know this seems dumb but I felt like we were in some form of dating relationship) and that if he got to a point where he could give it to me he knew how to contact me. He said he wasn’t worth waiting for and that was the last I heard from him until December 2024.

To be continued at my next charging stop on my journey back home from vacation…

I like sex. I am very choosy about who I have sex with and so most of the time, I am having sex with my favorite person...myself. I like knowing that others are turned on by me. I like knowing that people are looking at my pictures. I like interacting with others as I masturbate. This might be a little graphic, but once I insert the vibrator, I rollover onto my stomach and ride it. I let gravity and my body weight to push it further into my body. In this manner, I have my hands free. I can then type and engage with others on this site (a porn site, no less) until I that moment, when I am about to cum. Sometimes, I am not typing but looking at others pictures (it gets me wet) and describing what I am doing to myself for others. I typically cum pretty fast. If I am worked up it can be as fast as 5 minutes. Tonight it was 14 minutes. I get done and notice that there is a status about how it is amazing to them that someone can type while being on the verge of cumming. It lead to a string of comments, one of them being about how many be those who do that are not telling the whole truth. I debated about if I wanted to comment on the thread or not. I really felt as if the comments were about me but I might be too sensitive and making it about me. I really didn't want to engage if others were judging me and my actions. It's a porn site for goodness sake!!!!! Tis is the one place where I can freely express my sexual nature without feeling judged. Tonight, I felt judged. Tonight, I felt like I wanted to leave this community because of snarky comments. It really destroyed the great feeling of cumming!!! I can absolutely say that when I am having sex with a flesh and blood man, engaging in this community forum is the last thing on my mind. However, when having self sex, sometimes I need something more than my imagination to get me going. In the almost 5 years I have been on this site, I have interacted with some wonderful people. My boundaries have been stretched and my tastes expanded. Prior to being on this site, I never would have engaged in anal sex. I also never would have thought that pussy is hot! Tonight, I felt like I did something wrong. That makes me sad. This is a community of anything goes and support and freedom. It seemed very "judgy" tonight.

Men suck!!!!! This is the most recent e-mail I have received on a dating site "Wow!!! What happened to you???? You seriously need a make-over!!!!" My jaw fell to the ground and I clicked on this jerk's profile to see how amazing he is and it was deleted. What an ass. At least I don't have to block him...

I sent a naughty message to him on Wednesday morning about him fucking me hard. You know, "pull my hair and spank my ass as you fuck me doggie". Little did I know that he was coming into town that evening. He sent me a message that night about meeting up for dinner, drinks and fun.

I showered and got all slutty, put in my we-vibe and off I went to meet him for dinner. I got there and gave him the remote control (something we will work on later, as it didn't work terribly well with the remote) and I was vibing all through dinner. The we-vibe sits on your g-spot inside and your clit outside. It was hard to make conversation at times.

From there, we went back to his hotel room and fucked all over the place!!!! We used the vibe and he was very happy to have it vibe down the length of his cock. He then lubed up the medium butt plug and stuck it in my ass. I was super full of cock and vibe in my pussy and plug in my ass!!!!

I sucked his cock, he fucked my tits, he fucked my ass (hard and fast), I rode him. At one point in time, he had me lay on the bed on my back. He laid over me like we were going to 69. He fucked my tits while I licked his balls and ass. I stuck my tongue in his ass. It was great!!!

When I sucked his cock, I had it so far down my throat that it finally hit my gag relex. Super deep throat!!!!!

He used my cherry flavored penis lotion to jack himself off while I watched. I swallowed all his hot cum and then spit it back out on my tits. It dribbled down onto my stomach. Like a true gentleman, he cleaned me up afterwards!!

I came hard about 3 times during the hour we spent together. Fuck, this has me horny and wet again...

I have gone back to yoga, am eating appropriately, drinking my water and am going to start icestaking as a form of exercise. All the fabulous things that I did with getting the weight off originally has been reversed and I am starting from scratch. The good news is that I have done the major weight loss once and I can do it again. Week 1: lost 2.6 lbs!!! Week 2 is off to a good start as well...only 55 more lbs to go. I am hoping by my birthday in August that I will be back to being svelte and can fit into my hottie little black dress!!!!!

I am 36 years old and according to Kaiser I should not get a mammogram until I am 40. Standard procedure with Kaiser is that unless you have a mother or a sister who has had breast cancer, they do not order mammograms when you are under 40 years old. Now I know a lot of people bad mouth Kaiser. I did too when I was living in Los Angeles. In fact, I was a Blue Cross member when I lived in LA because Kaiser seems to be crappy. 7 years ago, I moved to Northern California and had the option of going with Kaiser. If you don’t know, Kaiser was founded in Oakland and is a Bay Area staple in terms of health care and preventative medicine. In the 15 mile radius between work and home, there are 4 Kaisers. I have gotten good care at Kaiser and like it.

About a year ago, I spoke with my OBGYN about my family history of breast cancer and if I should get mammograms sooner than the 40 year old requirement. I mean, come on, my mother’s mother had breast cancer at 69 and my mother’s sister had breast cancer at 42. You would think that would be enough of a “strong family history” for Kaiser to offer a mammogram to me before age 40. It wasn’t but I trust my doctor so no mammogram for me. Fast forward a year and my mother’s cousin is diagnosed with breast cancer at age 60+. That makes three female members on my mother’s side to have breast cancer. I think that family history is strong enough now.

About a month ago, I had a conversation with my mom about getting a mammogram. Again, I trust my doctor but my mom wanted me to be safe so I said I would get a mammogram. My doctor was out of the office until early October so I had to wait until she got back to contact her about scheduling something. I e-mailed her recently, mentioned a third family member had breast cancer and I wanted a baseline mammogram just to make sure that everything was ok. She e-mailed back the following morning and said she would contact Radiology with the request. Radiology e-mailed the same morning, about three hours later, saying that I should make an appointment with them. I contacted Radiology by phone and was asked why I was having a mammogram when I am not 40 yet and there isn’t a direct family member history of breast cancer. I explained why and that my doctor had sent the request in that morning. From there, it was smooth sailing and I got an appointment for that afternoon.

I was in and out of Radiology within 30 minutes of my appointment time. That seems unheard of with any doctor’s office. The technician who did my mammogram was fantastic. She explained what she was going to do and how the procedure works. All I knew about mammograms is that your boobs get squished. I didn’t realize that I was practically going to be doing yoga while that was happening. “Turn this way, look that way, place your hands here, keep your feet facing front but turn your head to the side, bend your elbow, now hold your breath”. Yes, that’s right, hold your breath while metal plates are compressing your breast tissue as much as you can stand while the technician takes the x-ray. The plates are released, the technician tells you to breathe and then makes sure that the image is a good one. I did this four times…two times per breast, once up and down and once side to side.

When we were finished, I was told I would get the results within two weeks in the mail via a postcard. The technician warned me that I might be getting a phone call to come in and take more pictures. She said this so that I would not be alarmed if I got a phone call. She saw my strong family history of breast cancer and knew that if I got a phone call without any warning I might freak out. She was so right!!! She said there were two big reasons why I might get a phone call. Reason #1: There aren’t any other pictures to compare my results to so taking additional pictures from other angles or doing an utrasound might be necessary in order to have the comparision shots. Reason #2: I have large breasts and sometimes with large breasts it is difficult to get an accurate reading because of the amount of breast tissue. I might need to take more pictures using “smaller paddles” over more surface area of my breasts. I am very glad she warned me about getting a phone call because I would have freaked out!!

Honestly, I believe this experience was so positive for me due to the wonderful staff at Kaiser. I had really only heard negative things about mammograms if I heard anything at all. No one talks about it. The Komen organization is about education, awareness and demystification of women’s health related issues surrounding breast cancer. I wanted to use my experience with my mammogram to do all three of those things. The unknown is a bit scary but breast cancer is much worse than the unknown. Find out about your breast related health by getting a mammogram!!!

I wake up super early and look at you sleeping soundly. I can never sleep past 7 even on the weekend. I would love to sleep in on this Saturday morning. I don't want to get up and start my day but going back to sleep appears futile. An idea hits and I know the perfect way to enjoy the morning and then go blissfully back to sleep!!

I start by placing my lips behind your ear and give a little kiss. You sigh in your sleep. I kiss your neck, down by your collar bone. You stir a little but don't wake up. I repeat my ministrations on the other side of your body. Next I kiss down the center of your body paying attention to your nipples with both my hands and my tongue. I never knew I was partial to a little smattering of chest hair until we hooked up...it's super hot! Little baby kisses down your flat stomach, my tongue swirling in your belly button.

By now, you are making little moans but you still haven't woken up. I place kisses on both sides of your hip bones but don't touch your cock. Not yet, anyway. I change directions and start at your feet, traveling up your legs with light touches, feathery soft kisses and rasps of my tongue. Finally, I have made my way back to your cock and balls. I place my hands on either side of your hips, lower myself down and feast on your cock and balls with my lips, tongue and hands.

You are in such a state of sleep that you believe it is an erotic dream. I straddle you, lowering my dripping pussy onto your rock hard cock and start to ride you. You slowly wake up as you realize this is much too real to be just a dream. You look into my eyes and before I know it, I am on my back with my legs in the air. You kiss me and say "I'm gonna fuck you hard for waking me up". Bring it on, is all I can think. I love sinking my nails into your back and muscular shoulders as you pump into my wet, tight "made for you" cunt. All of a sudden, my world is flipped again and I am on my knees with my ass in the air. God, I love it when you fuck me doggie...you smack my ass and say "that's my girl".

Oh yessssss...I am so close!!!!! You grab the red vibe and tell me to put it on my clit. Oh, damn, fuck, yes!!!! It doesn't take long and before you know it we both cum hard as you slam into my hips on last time. We both collapse on the bed. What a way to start a morning and a terrific way to go back to sleep on a Saturday. You cuddle me close, kiss my neck and say "when we get up at a more reasonable time, we can do it all again". Sleep comes fast for both of us...

A friend on NN recently asked how my "hot fuck session was" and this is what I told him...

It was hot!!!!! First, there was a guy on Friday night who just wanted to fuck. It was good but not fantastic and all the while I kept wanting my guy from Texas to be fucking me. I e-mailed my guy from Texas just that in the morning and I got a reply on Monday morning. He was going to be in the area and did I want to get together??? It had been 10 months since we had seen each other and of course, I wanted to have at his hot body.

We e-mailed all day while he was at work and the while he was waiting for his flight. I sent him a few naughty pics via e-mail and we talked about all the hot things we were going to do to each other.

He got to my house around 10:15pm or so and I was waiting with champange. He came into my house, I handed him the champange and he basically jumped me...super hot!!!!! I was wearing a cute dress with black crotchless panties, a black push up bra and black 5 inch heels. He throw me down on the couch, spread my legs and started licking my pussy. It was fantastic!!!

He then had me stand up, take the dress off and he pulled my tits out of my bra and started licking them. I then undressed him and we ended up back on the couch kissing. His boxers came off and I sucked his cock. He stood up and titty fucked me while I sucked his cock some more. I took off my panties and he laid down on my couch. He had me stand over him so he could tongue fuck my pussy. I had one foot on the ground and the other on the back of the couch (picture the amount of flexibility that takes!!)

We then went into my bedroom where he fucked me hard spread eagle while I was still wearing the shoes. Damn, it makes me wet just remembering it. He flipped me over and fucked me doggie then gave it to me in the ass. He took the big dildo I have and gave me my first DP with a partner.

We took a mini break for a little cuddle and some champange. I sucked his cock again and teabagged one of his balls. He then stood up at the end of my bed and had me lay down with my head off the bed. I sucked his cock super deep into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. He grabbed one of my vibrators and hit my clit and cunt with the vibrator while I was sucking his cock. That was amazing!!!

He stood up and put me on my knees again where he fucked my mouth and my tits. He gave himself a hand job in front of my face until he was ready to cum and let me have it down my throat. I swallowed all that hot cum and totally enjoyed it!!!

All in all, I think I came about 6 times!!!! It was a very good evening and it only lasted about an hour!!!!! I can't wait to do it again.