This is an authentic letter sent to Dear Deidre of the Sun Newspaper:

I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Liverpool.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on charges of xxxxxx with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former German prostitute who indeed is still a part time working girl in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening ! our own brothel with my fiancée utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team.

Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.
My problem is this:
I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.




Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Scouser?

They have mixed feelings about global warming in Scotland.
Because they'll get to sit on mountains and watch the English drown.


You know there are so many unwanted dogs about at christmas.
so this year we thought why bother with a turkey.

Do you think the Queen pulls her bed covers up to her neck and
says"Philip,look,i'am a stamp!"

One time I was on a escalator and I tripped.



I fell down the stair for an hour and a half.

now how do we get a hold of them and give them a good slapping?

south out did herself with the cake she had made for me.

all for the birthday wishes.
its now 06-45 and well in to my second beer,just a few more then bed!!!!
got a meal out later with my 3 girls and two grandsons.

not long now!!!!
going to work soon as 49.
then comeing home at 6am as 50!!!!
cream cakes all round for the lads at work tonight and lots of beer for me at 6am.

steve(north lad)

I was reading this book today,



The History of glue and i couldn't put it down.

A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth out.
the dentist pulls out a needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! no needles" the man said.
the dentist starts to hook up the gas, and again the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. just the thought of wearing the gas mask is suffocating for me."
The dentist appears frustrated,but not quite ready to surrender.
He asks his patient if he has any objections to taking a pill.
"No objection, i'm totally fine with pills." the patient says.
"Great," says the dentist,who leaves the room and returns with a tablet in his hand.
"Here,pour yourself a drink of water and take this viagra tablet." says the dentist.
"Wow!,i had no idea that viagra works as a pain killer."
"It actually doesn't," replies the dentist.

"But, it will give you something to hold on to when i pull your tooth out."

Did you hear that sky sports are showing live coverage of the world Origami championships tonight?



I'd love to watch it,but unfortunately it's on paper view.