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I am a walking contradiction skirting jurisdictions while self-implementing restrictions. I am a melancholy free spirit afraid sometimes to sing my own lyrics. I am child with old eyes and past lives striving to do more than survive. I am a silly, nostalgic, horny, romantic with naive antics. I am not afraid to break the rules of being cool or getting schooled. I am the color of earth, often misunderstood since birth. A chain smoker and late night toker, an ego stroker, sensitive joker and occasional chicken choker. I am as deep as you will allow yourself to wade in. I am my mother's creation, my father determination, the wages of so called sin and the scars left after being stabbed in the back or forgotten by a friend. I am the shy shiver of of an endless giver whose cheeks are moist and quiver from tears shed alone. I am heavy in heart and weight but free of prejudice and hate. I am a meandering soul searching to become whole while traveling in a caterpillar-like form. Not seeking shelter with the norm but weathering the storms that will come and pass with the perfectly imperfect fumbling we call existence. shaking off the shackles of pretense while understanding experience is neither good nor bad, more or less until the next time you can put it to its test. And if it is in the case to give someone an open hand I willing give it until my time's last grain of sand rests upon the cosmic strand. Our reality is within our hands
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| Monday, July 5, 2010, 1:33:09 AM- Let Me Be | ||
It seems most of my days, upon earth, Have been ones searching for lasting worth, To be the child desired by mother, The side kick wanted by my brother, Or for my father the golden son, But in the end did I please anyone, Spent so much time Trying to read minds, Working to appease, So many dear to me, To be witty and funny, To be someone's prize company, Stretched and worn thin, Flashing automatically a grin, While I slowly withered within, Self punishing again and again, oh humility, Let me be Such a strange thing, to want company, But so often to choose to be solitary, To fill my head with ideas and emotions, To counteract my mind's chemical potions, To find a center that is truly me, SO many voices speaking inwardly, Echoes of fears, whispers of encouragement, To it all I've felt some sort of resentment, oh struggle, Let me be self deprecation, Let me be obsession, Let me be, depression, Let me be, Don't want your company misery Let me be, Let me be, Happy being me | ||
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| Tuesday, June 29, 2010, 8:14:52 AM- elements | ||
His passionate smile made her skin warm and moist, His desire flashed in his eyes coupled sometimes with a booming voice, She could feel his heavy sweet breath inhale his musk, Reservations, clothes shed like the afternoon public light into dusk, 90 something degrees in humidity feels like you're covered in mud, Knots of humidity massaged away by father sky's soul's blood, Somehow clinging to my arms, head, neck, easing up my thighs. Passionate foreplay, a crescendo of pressures unabashed eye to eye, Becomes a thousand thousand liquid fingertips, Send chills from my shoulders to my hips, Somehow in a down pour I feel the need to lick my lips, A strange paradox of drowning while in an unquenchable thirst's grip. Can we consume and nurture, dream light and care free but be grounded, Can we be that spark upon which all existence is founded, Can we be elements | ||
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| Sunday, February 21, 2010, 4:51:22 PM- | ||||||
Sometimes I wonder why, I even give a damn and try, People cast shadows upon me, overlooking the beams in their eyes, All they ever seem to see is the right of their side, Feeling concrete in what they think is their well masked pride, Life and the universe is a circular ride, Connections abound, from everything to sight and sound, Just varying vibrations, different sensory calibrations, You say I didn't need to go through and do, I guess its easy to forget how the question came from you, But its all relative, Like memory and perception can be selective, I'm feeling a tune out, hanging up up my gumshoes, no more detective, Let everyone be who they be, I'm gonna do me, It's all about perspective | ||||||
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| Monday, February 1, 2010, 9:47:42 PM- Writing excercise, thanks to help from readers of my last blog. | ||||||
I laid in my bed, My thoughts prowling, Feeling like a cat UNDER fed, Circling an unsuspecting GOLDFISH, With only one thing, one desire in my head, The hunger for you has me growling, Only primal moans of longing are said, HEAVING, your CARESS my deepest wish, But we’re just FRIENDS, it’s a precarious perch I tread, The MOON is like a DISCO GLITTER BALL, Fireflies outside dance around non stop, Its LUMINANCE washing over me; hypnotic, INDEFINABLE, In my fantasy I don’t feel outclassed or SURPASSED by her, Just HAPPINESS that you would answer my call, My fingertips rush across my skin like rain drops, Sensations BLOOM like FLOWERS, sweet and sensual. I wish her nothing but the best of wealth and HEALTH for sure But in the end I am GREEN; she has you after all. | ||||||
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| Thursday, January 28, 2010, 5:16:38 PM- | ||||||
Hmm what's been going on.... Finally have a day off. Now I don't know what to do with myself. Actually I take that back, waiting for my two roommates to leave for class and work and then I will be doing some "maintenance" with the sound up on the lap top! (grin) I was hoping the old magic would spark, that I would open up this blog section and my subconscious would just take over and I would start writing a poem. I have just been feeling so antsy, I have these glimmers of inspiration but the ideas just don't form as completely or as freely as they used to. I sit possible to lose something like that? I apologize for being horrible about keeping in touch with people. Cas, MDGuy, Sallinque, Juicy, The Tool, Shy Briton, Marie, Dutty and so many others are on my mind. I hope life finds you all in good lots my friends. For those of you whom I failed to mention and haven't talked to in a while, I'm thinking about you. PS: Hmmm, how's about this, anyone who reads this help me out, leave three words in your comments. I hope to use those words and write a poem from it  Have a good one my lovelies | ||||||
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| Monday, December 14, 2009, 11:09:07 AM- | ||||||
The moon hums as I quietly sip my rum, The fingertips of my mind tracing each beautiful line, The contours of the face I adore, Each picture you offer lovingly endures, Within the silken threads of dreams inside my head, The soothing vibration of your voice still resonates, My butterfly buoyant affection longingly awaits, For the next chance the camera displays its romance, I never knew images existed that could not be resisted, Beautifully stunning, that starts tears joyously running, Now I no longer hear your voice, is it by choice, Would you rather I not look from afar, even share a sky of stars | ||||||
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| Wednesday, December 9, 2009, 8:35:27 AM- | ||||||
I have been gone so long. Everyday things have been kid of turned upside down, and now I am trying to find my way to where I want to be. Life is change if it is anything. I've found myself focusing so much energy on just making ends meet that a lot of my creativity seems to be sacrificed. I've also been preoccupied with friends I've made on here whom I at one point and time spoke to outside of of NN. It wasn't a large number of people, but I care for them. Now we don't talk at all. It makes me sad, I know people get busy, but its sad when you can't help but get a strong notion you aren't important, hell you don't even rate as amusing to the point there is no communication. I guess its the lack of finality. That maybe I don't even rate an explanation. You try and retrace your steps to some point or altercation but you don't find one. And then you suddenly feel like the velveteen rabbit. I definitely have had a perplexing and draining past few months. Id' like to think character building. I just want to feel that energy, passion, the boundless link that seemed to just have poems gushing out of me. I have missed you NN, and my special friends. I hope everyone is doing well. To anyone who feels slighted by me, I apologize. I would even appreciate knowing if I did so. Sleep well my friends. | ||||||
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| Sunday, September 13, 2009, 11:43:30 AM- | ||||||
I sometimes wonder why humanity seems to have such a proclivity towards bashing others. Making mean spirited comments about someone else's appearance. Part of me is saddened by the events of last night, what started out with good friends hanging out. During the course of the night two people hooked up, and the male portion if the hook up's friends made belligerent and ignorant comments. One in particular really pissed me off, just made me shut off from the good time that had been going on so far in the night. Outside just wanting to gather my thoughts and try and look past this childish throng people came outside. THERE IS one guy who it pisses me off but I am attracted to. He is intelligent, but also obtuse when it comes to life and dealing with people. He starts rubbing my shoulders. It felt really good, but the relief his kneading hands should have provided just ended up making me feel more on edge. He then starts touching me somewhere he shouldn't. I thought about just raising up, punching or slapping the shit out of him. I just turned away. Other people outside obviously got the hint by my demeanor and nicely advised James that maybe "Mikey doesn't seem to be in the mood to be messed with." It finally hit me there. This man who I have been enamored with is shallow. He thinks his looks and his "golden penis" can make him irresistible to all and that he is oh so witty and charming to be able to say and do anything he wants. Well, I'm just done. Until he can show me depth of personality, common decency and emotion I will not be around him. No I don't think I'm perfect, if we stood side by side people would ask him what is he doing hanging out with someone like me. And its fine. This body belongs to the earth, gravity and time, my soul belongs to a higher power but my true essence my mind with all its thoughts and emotions belongs to me. | ||||||
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| Thursday, July 16, 2009, 10:47:07 AM- Jordan | ||||||
I was traveling, walking aimlessly, Those old demons wouldn't set me free, I was guided by only moon light and my thoughts, Consumed by the melancholy my heart lead decisions wrought, I walked until my soul no longer could stand, I fell to my knees like a ton of bricks in quicksand, Weary, ragged and teetering on the cusp of hopelessness, I opened my eyes to see you; a vision of perfectness, I crawled closer, cautious and started wondering, If exhaustion and desperation had gotten the best of me, I stretch out my open hand ready to drink, bath in salvation, Or had I found a peaceful bank for my heart's final resignation of devastation. Oh Jordan, your surface looks so refreshing and cool, Am I wading in your depths, way too soon, Oh Jordan, sweet running Jordan don't ever change your tune, Be what you are, and forgive me if I act a fool, Jordan, peaceful and calm as the day is long, I am being swept away rushing into love with you, My reservations cast aside in a tide of emotion true blue, Jordan, the current you possess beneath my eyes is so strong, Jordan, without the pressure levied upon the sea, Teach me, touch and wash over me, quench me completely, If you are not my oasis in the desert of loneliness I will give up my last breath lay down my your feet and no longer quest | ||||||
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| Sunday, July 12, 2009, 8:10:45 PM- | ||||||
I saw you with star dusted eyes, I fed myself the sweetest of lies, I sighed whenever you passed by, I hung on your words and actions, Ignoring I was just a simple distraction, Knowing I was beneath your satisfaction, How shallow waters seem to gleam, So brightly a breathing dream, Hope a treacherous tumultuous stream, The closeness of your being a drug, I swept the obvious under the rug, No you aren't really being condescending or smug, You wield the sweetest of daggers, Your smile and presence smite me, stagger, Crush me between the distance of reality, mockingly miss my presence completely, Damage me innocently ever so convincingly | ||||||
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