I spent a quiet morning lolling in bed reading and napping and being quite the slug. I was reading my second favorite author (edmund white) and when I experience anything beautifully passionate I want to do it also.

It is a good time to write about an experience I had saturday night in a bowling ally. About 20 of my friends packed into this bowling ally with 80 other people for a fundraiser. I had decided not to bowl so I was sitting, chating with my friend the organizer. He was standing, talking with a tall lean fellow I didn't know. After awhile the stranger came and sat next to me where we had a good veiw of the bowlers.

I don't remember what opened our conversation. I do remember that early on I told him "I never ask easy questions." And he agreed, I didn't. It was,very quickly, a very personal conversation about death and morality and walking a tightrope between desire and responsibility.

I wondered why,when I saw him talking to my friend I had judged him quickly as someone I didn't need to know. I wondered why as we talked I found him more and more attractive. How his eyes grew narrow (like richard gere's) when he smiled. How beautifully shaped his hands were. Why am I so quick to judge.

His flirtation was very subtle. When picking a character from a TV show from the 60's he said he doubted I would be familiar because i was at least 20 years younger than he. When I told him I was only 6 years younger than him, he said he hated me which is the perfect response in the gay community (wether you mean it or not)

I might never see him again or I might see him next week. It doesn't really matter. It was nice to feel smart and young and to know that you can open yourself to a stranger and be suprised. It was a nice hour.

Tonights the kind of night I miss having a TV. And not really for the awards show. I just want to be there for a tiny peek a Hugh Jackmans biceps.

He could have a wardrobe malfunction on my TV any day.

Sigh

So I have been going to the town planning meetings involving the mostly rural area where my farm is. I really don't want a wall mart to open next door so I feel I should be involved.

As we unroll this giant map of the township, the 80 (at least) year old man beside me asks where my house is. I point out my 40 acres and he says "Theres some kids burried on your fenceline." I was a little startled but then not really. I felt this was a strong possibility.

After the meeting I asked him some more questions and he pin-pointed the graves location. He said there used to be 3 birch trees there but they are gone now.

I think I will plant some more this spring.

It's respectful

Well peeps! I've been gone for what seems like forver. And you'd think I'd have something ineresting or worthwhile to report....but, no.

I went a whole 6 weeks without a computer. I have seen the other side people and....it is BORING. I went to the bank twice a month to use the lobby computer to pay my bills. I don't think I would remember how to write a check!

on other things.....the girls are laying eggs like crazy. I have been giving them away because I can't eat them all. The really cold weather seems to be behind us. I think I've had my fill with 20 below nights.

Wells...anyway...I missed you all and if there is any gossip I need to be filled in on it.

I will be gone until I figure out what to do with my dead computer. I really don't have the money for a new one.

I wish you all a happy holiday (if you celebrate) and I hope to be home soon.

Jay had some interesting points in his blog today. I have written about some VERY personal things over the past years and he made me wonder my own sanity for a moment. With further reflection I realize that I write this for me. Sometimes some great comments have helped me see past my own issues and that is a benefit.

I am contemplating confronting a big big issue from my childhood or, well, my early teen years. With a brief internet search I located someone who really should of seen the abusive relationship that developed between myself and the pastor of my church when I was a kid. It is only recently that I have been able to not blame myself for what happened. I really really thought it was all my fault.

So now I want to talk to this guy and tell him how he let me down. I'm not combative or dangerous. I just feel the need to tell someone my side of the story. I don't think this will make me any better just....well....I don't know how this will make me feel. I just need to do it.

I'm awful scared though.

P.S. I got my first egg today!

So my guy comes to fix the furnace. He unscrews the fuse and checks the wires and flicks the switches (THE SAME EXACT THINGS i DID THAT MORNING) and whooosh the damn thing starts. He just looked at me and smiled and said "you owe me a beer"

I threw dinner into the mix (and his boyfriend joined us)

So the furnace is out. MD very nicely offered to come over and cuddle (like the boy scout he is) but that won't stop the pipes from freezing (or at least not the ones with water in them) The temp outside is 11. I have two electric heaters going so....cross your fingers.

I have finished the last of the thanksgiving leftovers. My dad makes the most incredible stuffing I've ever eaten. It has sage and sausage and green olives. Pure heaven, and so flavorful that I slice it cold and eat it on sandwiches. It's like a bread sandwich.

I'm back under the sleeping bag. Later

All home now, snug and safe. Quite sure it was the best thanksgiving I've ever had with my family. For certain the food was the best ever.

Now to sleep....perchance to belch.

Taking off for the holiday. I will not eat too much.

A special thanksgiving thank you to all my NN friends. American or not.